More Awesome Parenting.. no seriously

It all began with a grumpy 3 year old at about 5:30 in the evening.  It was that kind of grumpy that only happens when a young child has decided to give up napping, when he has the flu, at Christmas time.  My husband and I couldn't wait for bed time, but we knew that if he fell asleep then, he would get up around 8 and be up way past midnight.  As we were not feeling so great ourselves, we needed him to stay awake long enough for dinner and then he could go to bed around 7:30.  Unfortunately dinner was taking a little longer than expected and our son started to fall asleep on the couch.  When he gets tired and decides to fall asleep there is NO waking him up.  Dancing monkeys, juggling lit torches on bouncy balls couldn't get my son to open his eyes.  So my husband did what he had to do, what only a seasoned veteran parent would do.  He offered our son.... a cookie.  He popped right up and by the time he was done with his cookie, dinner was ready and we were all able to get a good night's sleep.  Now that's parenting.

Post Sandy Hook

Yesterday, my daughter and I got in a little argument about whether or not she should wear a coat while we went to her school to pick up her homework.  We had to pick up her work because she has the flu and has missed several days.  It was 55 degrees F outside, she has the flu, and she wouldn't put on a coat!  Seriously!  I got angry and snapped at her.

Later that night I was on the computer, reading stories about the victims in Newtown.  I've been crying off and on for days about it, but last night I really broke down.  I wondered how many of those parents had fought over what their child was going to wear to school that day. How many wished they had said something different when they said goodbye that morning? I ran upstairs and gave my daughter a ginormous hug and kiss.  I hate to think that my last memory of her or her last memory of me would be of us arguing.  I hope I can remember that.

Personal Assistant

From the very beginning of my SAHM tenure, I've told my husband that his company should hire me to be his secretary.  He could really use one and I could use the job.  Besides it's something I do already.  While he is primarily responsible for remembering the dates of birthdays, anniversaries, etc via his calendar, it's my job to purchase, message and get him to sign the cards.  I keep tack of doctor's appointments, birthday parties, play dates and after school activities.  I have to say, it's much easier to keep up with everything now that I don't work.

Tonight I became a full fledged assistant.  While he was sitting watching the NFR, I was handing him refinance papers to sign.  It was hilarious.  I just pointed and said sign here.  He did it with one eye on the paper and one one on the steer wrestling.  He didn't even look at what he was signing.  Such a trusting soul.... I wonder what else I could get him to sign.

Time Marches On

A sad and wonderful thing happened this weekend.  We went to our town's yearly Christmas parade where our oldest ran into some friends from school.  They had fun running around in the park before the parade began.  About five minutes before it was going to start she asked if she could sit with her friends instead of us.  My husband and I looked at each other an instantly knew the answer.... yes.  It was really a bitter sweet moment for me. It was wonderful to see my daughter get to experience a little freedom from her parents, but sad to know it is just the beginning.  Today it's a parade, tomorrow it's prom.  My husband and I shared a knowing glance and returned to our other two kiddos.

That experience really hit home for me just how lucky I am to be able to stay home with my kids.  They grow up so fast and I'm getting to see every bit of it.  Last night I watched all three play blocks in our son's room.  Granted, the baby was just chewing things, but they were all in there together having a great time.  I know it can't last forever.  My oldest is 7.  She's not going to want to play with her little brother and sister for too much longer.  It's so wonderful to get to watch my kids' personalities grow.  They are hilarious, fantastic and unexpected.  I am very blessed to have a front row seat to their childhood.

A well deserved break

What a Thanksgiving!  It was truly relaxing and fun.  Because I am a SAHM now, I was worried about never getting a vacation again.  But this last week, I really got a chance to "get away" from my job.

My mother-in-law came to celebrate with us.  She played with the kids while I got things done (or did nothing).  It was awesome!  I have to admit I was pretty bad about letting my husband do the lion's share of work with the kids too.  I laid in bed in the morning until my husband got up to take care of the baby.  I even slept until 8AM a couple of mornings.  He put the kids to bed almost every night and made the kids lunch most days.  It was super nice to not be the primary care giver all day long.  I was able to get some house work done and relax.  And I mean really relax.

My kids have really benefited as well.  I'm much calmer with them and have been way more patient.  I feel a little more like myself and a lot less frazzled.  I feel bad that my husband spent his time off catering to the kids, but I think he'll forgive me.  I am very excited to have discovered that it is possible to get some extended time off from being a SAHM without leaving the house.

Why I can't lose the baby weight!

It rained this morning.  It rained a lot this morning.  Fortunately that made it possible to check the work the roofers did earlier in the week.  Unfortunately, it revealed that they didn't do a good enough job, as there was water dripping from my ceiling.  That wasn't too bad.  I called the roofer and the owner personally came over and took care of the problem.  

While I was getting towels and buckets to try and minimize the mess, I was also trying to get my oldest ready for school.  I love my daughter.  She's fantastic, but she's about as fast as frozen molasses.  It took FOREVER to get her dressed.  Then, my son woke up soaked in pee.  It was everywhere.  He starts sleeping in his bed and eventually ends up on the floor, so his sheets, blankets, stuffed toys and carpet smelled of 4 hour old urine.  That, coupled with my daughter's snail-like qualities lead to her eating breakfast on the way to school, with me having no breakfast at all.  

I needed to go to the grocery store right after dropping my daughter off because I had an appointment later in the afternoon that I could not miss and we were desperate for the 6 things on the list.  Of course, as soon as I got my daughter to school, I realized I forgot the list.  I decided to go back to get it because we really needed everything and I didn't want to forget a thing.  I got the list and off we went on our 15 minute journey to the grocery store.  

As soon as I parked, I realized I forgot my wallet.  So we drove all the way home to get my wallet because we really needed the groceries.  30 minutes later we're finally at the grocery store.  I have to get everyone out in the pouring rain.  We jog inside and as soon as I get the baby in the grocery cart, I realize she has pooped all the way up her back!  Needless to say, as soon as I got home I nearly polished off a package of double stuffed Oreos.  And that's why I can't lose the baby weight.

A rough week

The last week has been a tough one.  I feel like I am nothing more than a cook, a nanny and a maid.  I have had absolutely no time to do anything fun.  My options for having any kind of hobby or to get a little exercise is to get up earlier or stay up later.  Even on the rare occasions where I do get to do something I choose to do, I'm interrupted so many times that I don't even bother anymore.  Every time I think I'm making progress on the house or my endless "to do" list the dog destroys a bag of trash, or my son breaks something or the baby refuses to let me put her down without screaming.  I literally clean up one disaster to go on to the next.  My schedule is to clean and repeat, cook, clean and repeat.

My job as a researcher had the similar kind of redundancy and I often had to repeat the same thing over again, but at least I was interesting.  I hate to say it, but I feel like I am "just" a mom.  And that's terrible to say.  I know what I do now is important, but most of the time is sucks.  Before when I was cleaning up poop or the lint and hair that gets caught in the corners of the house I knew I had a purpose outside of cleaning all things disgusting.  Now that's all I do.  It's even difficult to want to play with the kids because I know it will just be another mess I have to clean up.

I was so looking forward to painting with the kids or sitting and playing with play dough.  But I don't have the time to sit with them and I certainly don't want to have to clean up a bunch of paint; not when I can't even get the floors mopped once a week.  When it takes 2 hours to empty a dishwasher, there just isn't much time for reading books or playing outside.  I know I'm being too much of a Martha (Luke 10:38-42), but if I didn't the house would smell and we'd be walking around in filth.  And I just can't do that.  It's not like I'm trying to keep the house sterile.  I just want to vacuum once a week.  Why can't I get that done?

Alone is but a dream

Why does being a SAHM mean I can never be alone unless I leave the house?  When I was working I could come home and work on some project, or read or just be without some one constantly needing something from me.  All of a sudden my children are unable to function unless they can ask me a bazillion questions every hour.  Sometimes they just want to tell me what they are up to, which is super cute.  But really, I would love to be alone.

I've gotten some mommy time-outs, but I always have to go out.  Sometimes I just want to be LEFT alone.  I should be able to read a book in my house.  I should be able to watch TV in my house.  I should be able to cook alone in my house.  I should be able to pee alone in my house.  Right now the best I can do as far as an activity is Sudoku on my phone.  It's perfect because I can stop it whenever and the kids can interrupt.  Unfortunately, Sudoku is only entertaining for so long.  Occasionally I get to write something, but that only happens when the kids are in bed.  Most of the time I'm trying to catch up on what I didn't get done when the kids were awake, so I have very little time for the fun stuff.

The fact that my kids really want me to be involved in their lives is a nice side effect of being a SAHM.  I knew my kids before, but no where near as well as I do now.  My son even calls me his best friend.  I'm trying not to begrudge this too much because I know in a blink they'll be gone.  I'm still struggling to figure out who I am now that I'm a SAHM and I would like to be more dynamic. 

Oops, I should have been offended

I was watching "I Don't Know How She Does It" with Sarah Jessica Parker the other night and I totally forgot to be offended.  Not by the portrayal of a working mother.  That, the movie got spot on.  I could totally relate to her juggling both career and family and hating to miss things, like the first hair cut.  What should have bothered me was their portrayal of SAHMs.  All they showed was two "perfect" mothers who dropped their kids off at school and then spent 7 hours at the gym.  They were perfectly dressed and always had the home made costumes and desserts for school functions.  I realize that they portrayed SAHMs in this way for comical effect, but I wonder if that's how the world sees SAHMs?

When I was working, I saw a lot of moms at the YMCA pool in the summer and thought, "wow, that would be nice".  What I never thought about was maybe those moms have the day off, or maybe they are bored out of their minds!  Maybe while they look relaxed, their brains are actually going 20mph coming up with the list of things they need to get done. 

The movie did touch on one SAHMs potential feeling of boredom with only having family to deal with, but really I think that's the character's fault.  I'm sure there are SAHMs out there who struggle to fill their days when their children are at school.  I often struggle with the lack of a sense purpose.  Yes, there is no more important than job than being a mom... blah, blah, blah.  I know, but lots and lots of people are good moms.  It would just be nice to do something more, something different.

I know SAHMs are more than perfect cookie making, work out junkies.  I need to remember that I am more and that I should take offense and try to change the stereotype.  So I guess what it comes down to is that I haven't really begun to think of myself as a SAHM.

What is wrong with us?

I think parents are some of the most deranged people on the planet.  We do some of the most ridiculous things.  We will touch, smell, wipe up and scrub anything that comes from our kids.  I thought my son may have peed his pants last night, but I wasn't sure.  He's a pretty hot kid and sweats a lot.  So without thinking, I grabbed up his pajama bottoms and without a care in the world rubbed them all over my face to smell for urine.  Seriously!  No sane person would do that; just parents!

The night before my daughter complained that her sheets were wet.  Again without thinking I immediately wiped my hand over the wet spot and took a deep whiff.  When that did not give enough information to adequately identify the source of the wet spot, I bent over and investigated the situation by applying my face directly to the area in question.  And when I still wasn't satisfied, I called in my husband and he did the same.  What?!!!

Luckily my son did not wet his pants and it appeared that a rogue glass of water was the source of the wet spot in my daughter's bed.  What bothers me the most is that if either one of those situations had turned out to be urine, I would have said, yuck, gotten rid of the odorous problem, washed my hands and gone on with my life.  Maybe I do these things because I feel like my children are an extension of myself or maybe I'm just too tired to care.  Either way, I'm afraid I will never be the same.  My children have forever changed me into a pajama sniffing, booger wiping, vomit catching bio hazardous waste container.

Why does it never happen to HIM!

The story I am about to tell is not unknown to millions of parents around the world.  Poopy, wet, smelly things happen to everyone, but in my house it just doesn't seem to happen to my husband.  It's like the children wait for him to be gone.  Of course, it may just be my imagination and underlying martyr syndrome that makes me feel this way, but it really doesn't ever seem to happen to my husband... at least not all at the same time.

First, my baby pooped her pants.  No big deal really.  It literally happens all the time.  This one was a little smellier than usual, but no big deal.  As I was starting to take care of it, my newly potty-trained son came in and announced that he not only peed his pants, but also pooped in his pants.  Again, it's not like this sort of thing hasn't happened before, but he was in underwear.  Yuk!  So, I finished with the baby and went with my son to his room so he could show me where the mess was and we could get his pants, socks and underwear off.

Unfortunately, I placed the freshly changed baby right on top of the biggest wet spot!  I then proceeded to carefully take the soiled 'Mater' underwear off my son.  Truly a fun job when the whole time he's trying to get out of them as fast as possible, and I'm trying to keep the poop in the underwear and off the floor and his legs.  I got to rinse the underwear out in the toilet; always my favorite job and then throw the boy in the tub for a good cleaning.  Once that was done, I got to change the baby out of her pee covered onesie, into something a little dryer and a lot less smelly.

And then I went to make lunch!

Frustration... you are my Everest

I don't know what it is, but I am extremely susceptible to frustration.  I don't mean normal frustration that normal people seem to experience when a jar won't open or when they encounter a traffic jam.  My frustration can be caused by anything; a burnt piece of toast, taking too long to put the cap on my toothpaste or something as trivial as tripping on my own feet.  I mean this is a serious problem.  I like to consider myself something of a highly efficient, multi-tasking, wonder woman and anything that affects that perception really annoys me.  I get this really warm feeling in my ears, my back tingles and I get complete tunnel vision.  Of course I get snippy, completely impatient and totally irrational. 

I've been working for years to decrease the impact frustration has on my attitude.  I have gotten less loud and while my words are not nearly as bad, the tone still exists.  If I'm paying attention I can limit the length of time my ears are warm and can rescue myself from the tunnel in a reasonable amount of time.  Breathing helps, but is not a cure.  Even removing myself from the situation doesn't help.  I've found the best treatment is time.  Unfortunately, with three children I'm not really granted the luxury of extended time outs.

What I'm getting right now is A LOT of practice in dealing with my frustration.  The baby has had a pretty bad cold and needs/wants to be held almost all day.  And that is absolutely fine.  I will always love on a child of mine who needs me.  However, it is impossible to get anything done when holding a sick baby.  Really, nothing else can get done.  NOTHING!!  After several hours of cuddling, my mind starts focusing on what I could be doing.  And by focus I mean tunnel vision.  All I can think about is the load of laundry I could get done, the dishes that need to be washed, the pants that need mending, the mail that needs to be gone through, etc., etc.  And it's not just chores.  I haven't been able to play with my son as much as I would like.  Between my oldest's school work and after school activities and the baby's illness, I'm just tired.  And if I have a free moment I'm working on the chores listed above.

The more I think about what's not getting done, the more the frustration builds.  Basically, my ears have been hot and my back has been tingling for 3 days.  It's exhausting.  I feel terrible for my poor children.  I am trying new ways to dampen the frustration, but when it doesn't work, I get more frustrated.  It's a vicious cycle.

Updated Con List

I guess I should update the con list.  Honestly, I'm a little scared to think about what the cons are because I'm just starting to get really comfortable and to embrace my new role.  But if I ignore the cons, they'll sneak up on me and cause all sorts of trouble.

Cons to being a Stay-at-home mom (as written in February):

1 - Loss of money.  While my paycheck was not huge, it was helpful.

This has been a more difficult con than I realized. Yes, we save money because we don't have daycare and we don't pay as much for gas.  However, adjusting to a 1/3 decrease in available income has been challenging.  I'm learning to look for more deals and I do as much free as I can.  I've even started filling out surveys that are listed on receipts I get from stores.  Every bit helps.

2 - Lack of mental stimulation.  I'm sure I will have plenty to do as a SAHM and I LOVE my kids.  Our concern is that I'm used to designing complex experiments while helping several others troubleshoot theirs.  I am used to getting 12 hours worth of work done in 8.  Adjusting to a  less hectic pace could be difficult.

While I don't think this has been too much of a problem, I'm sure it will creep up eventually.  Right now I'm so busy just trying to keep up with life, I'm happy just to have enough time to write this blog.  It takes work to eek out enough time to check email.  I certainly have plenty of opportunities to multi-task.  The difficulty is getting others in my family to go along with MY plans.

3 - Husband working too much.  It's possible that my husband may inadvertently become less involved with the family.  He may feel less guilt working late because I'm home to take care of the children.

This has definitely happened, but I'm not sure it has anything to do my staying home.  My husband is just good at his job and has been given many more responsibilities.  For that reason it has become extremely helpful that I stay home.  With that said, my husband has in no way shirked on his fatherly duties.  He's incredible and I'm very lucky and our kids are very blessed to have him.

4 - Booty expansion.  I am currently 7 months pregnant so the desire to sit in my perfect ugly blue recliner could over come me and I will just eat and watch Sprout with my son.  I put on enough weight when I'm pregnant (60-80 lbs), so the last thing I need is less activity.

Well, I've lost much of the weight I gained, but not all of it.  There is certainly no loss of activity as a SAHM.  I'm on my feet all day.  The problem is finding the time to get a really high intensity work out.  Also, I'm around food all day.  My pantry is full and it's difficult to resist.  It's not like I have a bunch of crap.  Most of the food we have is healthy.  There's virtually no sugar.  I munch on chocolate chips to get a chocolate fix; which as a SAHM with a traveling husband is often necessary.  I might just have to stock less food.

5 - I am the teacher.  Yikes!  This could go either way.  Staying at home means I will be responsible for teaching our children shapes, colors, numbers, ABCs, etc.  I've always relied on others to do that and I have NO idea how I'm going to be able to do it.  I'm not exactly known for my patience.

I have been moderately successful at teaching my son some letters.  He can almost spell his name.  We do worksheets and talk about stuff.  I haven't done great, but we're making progress.

Here are some new cons

6 - I really have far less time for me.  It seems really odd that staying home would give me less time to do things that I want to do.  The infant is part of that issue and as she gets older and establishes a more consistent routine my time will free up a little.  I struggle with feeling like I'm on duty 24 hours a day.  Sometimes it gets overwhelming.

7 - My son needs more friends.  I take him on regular play dates, but I think he really aches for more friend time.  I'm fun, but I can't and won't play with him all day.  He's definitely going to an all day preschool next year, but I think we may need to find him something else in the interim.

Updated Pro List

Eight months in and I think it's time to update the Pros to being a SAHM list.

Pros to being a Stay-at-home mom (as written in February):

1 - More sleep!  We won't have to wake the children as early, so I can get to work on time.  The kids get more sleep and are then less cranky... maybe.

Well, this is somewhat true.  I do get to stay up later; which I like, but there really isn't much more sleep for me.  If I want to have a shower before 2PM, it seems my only option is to get up by 6:30AM.  That's almost an hour and a half later than when I was working, so not bad.  There is more sleep for the kids which is wonderful because they are much better behaved when they are properly rested.

2 - More 'time'!  I can pick our oldest up from school and get her homework done BEFORE 5PM, so we have more time to play with our kids.

This does seem to be true.  My daughter's homework does get done within 30 minutes of being home which is great.  However, with my being home we have decided that she could participate in more activities.  That just means I'm running her and the others around more, which does not leave much time to play.  Our oldest is officially over-scheduled and we're working on reducing her extracurricular activities.

3 - Less illness!  Not being in daycare may keep our son from getting sick as often and hopefully keep the baby from getting sick... at least for a while.

This has proven to be absolutely true.  Our son was just one strep throat away from having his tonsils removed and since he left day care (knock on wood) he has been strep free!  The baby has had a few colds, which I expect with an older sibling in school, but nothing serious.  It's been wonderful.

4 - Less stress for me!  I am under no illusions that being a SAHM is easy, however, just knowing I'm getting close to my last day of work has already helped me to relax and feel less rushed.  This in turn, has had a positive effect on my kid's attitudes.  My husband also travels a lot, so being home would put less stress on me and kids when he's out of town.

This is absolutely true..... kind of.  I do feel great being away from work.  I did not realize just how bad it was until I left.  However, because I am a crazy type A, moderate control freak, I have had some control issues at home.  My husband travels a lot, so I am a virtual stay at home mom at least a week a month.  And when he's gone everything is done my way.  That makes it really difficult to allow my husband to contribute.  Since I am now the primary care giver, I want things MY way, and that's not right.  He is the dad and the husband and should have at least some say as to how things are done.  I am grateful that he is a husband and father who is involved, it's difficult, however, to view the home as anything but 'my turf'.  If we're going to make it through this time of transition I have to give up my alpha tendencies and let him participate.  It is his family too, after all.

5 - No more commuting!  We'll save money on gas!  I won't get stuck in traffic jams!  No more dealing with less than perfect drivers!

All I have to say about this is, Hallelujah!!!!!!!!

6 - Open toed shoes!  The job I've had for the last 6 years has not allowed me to wear open toed shoes.  No cute sandals or peep toes; just comfortable, reliable shoes.  Now I can wear any shoe I want, when I want!!!  I can even go barefoot.

This was awesome, for about week.  I developed very painful heal spurs and plantar fasciitis during pregnancy, so my shoe-wear has been limited.  I am also waiting until I lose all the baby weight before I splurge on new shoes.  Hopefully the problems with my feet and weight will resolve around the same time.

7 - No marathon cleaning!  Since I'll be at home I can get parts of the house cleaned everyday and won't have to spend several hours every Saturday trying to get the house to a respectable state.

Wow was I kidding myself!  It is true that I can work on different parts of the house on different days and many Saturdays have been free.  However, it is incredibly difficult to find more than 20 minutes at a time during the day to do anything.  It usually takes me until lunch to clean up the breakfast dishes.  Granted, I am playing with the kids and attempting to teach my son during that time, but I still feel like I should be able to get more done.  I'm not sure where the time goes.  I'm not watching TV or painting my nails or anything.  I feel like the "To Do" list keeps getting longer and I'm making no progress.  I'm not sure how that's possible when I don't work, but it's true.

New Pros to being a SAHM:

8 - I know my kids.  And I mean really know them.  I've had the chance to really talk to my oldest and find out what she likes, dislikes, is afraid of and just who she is.  I've been able to spend some wonderful time with my son while he's transitioned from toddler to kid and I've been able to cherish the first few months with our youngest with no looming deadline to return to work.

9 - I have been able to help people.  I can run errands for people who are sick, or watch their kids for them, or just be around to talk to people when they need some one.  It's been great.  I don't feel like I'm sacrificing time with my family to do good.  And as an added benefit, my kids come with me and are hopefully learning to do the same.

This is just the tip of the ice burg.  I'm sure I'll find more pros as time goes on.

I think I'll keep them

The last few days in my home have been absolutely pleasant.  It has been one of these rare moments in time where my kids get along almost all the time.  They have been playing together, using their manners and genuinely caring about one another.  I'm not sure how these rare moments happen but they really do help balance out all the name calling,  tattletaling, and random acts of violence that surround siblings 95% of the time.  They've even managed to be nice to me!  I give a lot of the credit to a Bernstein Bear's cartoon we saw the other day.  The premise was that a 'please' and a 'thank you' go a long way in helping people feel appreciated.  Ever since then I've heard, "yes, please" and "thank you" with very little prompting.  I suppose you have to have the days of hair pulling and games of "I'm not touching you" to help you realize just how special and wonderful your children are, and I hope they realize how lucky they are to have one another.  My goal is for my children to grow and be best friends.  After all, if you can't count on your brother or sister to help you out in life, who can you count on?

The funeral

I just came back from my Uncle's funeral and what a funeral it was.  I have never seen anything like it.  My family is from a small town of approximately 5000 people.  My Uncle was the former fire chief, and EMS worker, electrician and Alderman.  Of the 5000 people in the town, I would say at least 500 came to pay respects to his family.  It was the most incredible thing I've ever seen.  The visitation went for over 3 hours.  The funeral procession was only 1.5 miles long, but it took almost 15min to get to the grave site.  There were fire trucks leading the way with ambulances and fire trucks from nearby towns all along the route.  As the procession went down Main Street, people came out of their businesses to watch.  Marquis expressed people's sadness for his unexpected passing.  The town hung all their flags normally reserved for holidays such as the 4th of July and all were flown at half mast.  It was very heart warming to see just how much people respected and cared for my uncle and his family. 

It was truly inspiring to watch.  My uncle must have been done something right with his life.

During this visit I was fortunate to have the opportunity to read an excerpt from a county annal about my great great great grandfather.  The writing was truly exquisite and formed an image in my mind of a man who was for lack of a better word, a bad ass.  The book mentioned that his eyes "shown with lightening and his voice reverberated with thunder".  "His sons and slaves formed a militia that even the army was afraid to exacerbate."  There was more, but the general gist was that my great great great grandfather was not some one to trifle with.  He helped to settle the west and while I'm sure he was not perfect, it would be wonderful to be defined the way he was.

Both my uncle and great great great grandfather provide an example that I want to follow.  And I hope I can pass on traits such as integrity, a value for hard work and responsibility to my children.

More flexible, but not really

In some ways, being a SAHM makes my life a lot more flexible.  I can run any errand, help out a friend, or go on a trip anytime I want.  That is, of course, if I can take my children along.  My uncle passed away recently and I went to the funeral.  Unfortunately, the timing was such that my husband could not come with me and it wasn't possible to take the kids.  Still, I didn't have to worry about getting time off or not finishing some project which was nice.  I could just go.  The snag was that I needed some one to watch the kids because my husband had a big company meeting where he was presenting, and therefore, could not work from home.  It took a lot of wrangling, but I finally got some one to watch the kids.  Most of my friends work and the ones that don't have older children and are really great about volunteering, so they don't have full days free.  I ended up having to split the day between two friends, whom I owe big time!  Especially a very dear friend who was 9 months and a few days pregnant when she watched my kids and is now 9 months and a few more days pregnant.  If I was still working the kids would have been in day care all day and it wouldn't have been an issue.  It's strange how not working can actually make me less available.

Kids... 'nough said

Yesterday my daughter gets in the car after school and informs me that she has grass stains on her clothes.  Through a few questions I find out the grass stains were actually on her socks.  Which I thought was really strange since she was wearing boots.  When I asked if she took her shoes off at recess she said, "No."  When I informed her that it would be very difficult to get grass stains on her socks with her shoes on; especially when there were no stains on her shoes, she began to spin a web of possible explanations.  The first was that the grass went through her shoes when she fell into some holes on the playground.  She immediately sensed my disbelief and began to describe how grass fell down into her shoes and how that happens to everyone.  After a while she finally admitted she took her shoes off.  I didn't even care.  I just wanted to know.  Kids are crazy!

Speaking of kids.  After almost 9 months of timer setting, cleaning poopy underwear and pee from the floor my son has finally decided he wants to go on the toilet.  I'm extremely happy and hope he doesn't revert.  I don't know what changed his mind, but I'm super ecstatic that he has!

And the baby, my sweet baby.  Suddenly she's decided that naps are overrated.  It's hard to complain since she sleeps 10 hours a night, but when no naps is accompanied by a constant need to be held I don't get much done during the day.

I've decided however, that being a SAHM has made me a better mom.  Practice certainly does make perfect.  They say it takes 10,000 hours to be truly good at something.  Before I was probably averaging about 7 hours a day of mothering.  If I assume that I'm mothering about 18 hours a day now, I only have 346 more days until I'm a good SAHM.  Right now my husband is out of town and I'm calm, the kids are in bed on time and everyone has been behaving.  Progress... definite progress.

Is it over?

I was at a kid’s birthday party with parents I didn’t know and I was asked what I did for a living.  My friend, whose daughter was having the party, spoke up quickly and said I used to work as a researcher but now with three kids I stay home.  And that’s true.  I do stay home with my three kids and I think even if I hadn’t lost my job I would be home.  I am very grateful to my friend.  It was nice to not have to relive the whole ordeal again.  For those that have never been laid off it’s difficult to understand how it feels.  I wasn’t fired, so I didn’t do anything wrong.  I was laid off.  There was no money to keep me on.  And while that is no reflection of my performance it hurts the ego and it takes a while to get over a hit like that.  I am only now starting to get my confidence back.  I’m still pretty sensitive.  It’s been long enough now that I’m the mom with three kids; not the mom who lost her job.  I still have some stuff to work through, but I think I’m almost over it.

What a Day!

My husband ran up to the room to put a pad under the baby so I could attempt to clean her after the volcano-like poop explosion.  I took care of her while he took care of his arms, pants and our recliner.  Just as I was finishing up with her, he ran upstairs and said, "Today I have cleaned up poop, pee and vomit.  Awesome".  Some days being a parent is the most wonderful thing in the world.  And other days you are cleaning stuff, where if you were getting paid would require, at the minimum, gloves and a face mask; and in extreme circumstances a hazmat suit.

Epiphany!

I had a total epiphany this week.  Brace yourself, it's quite the revelation.... Taking care of the kids is my J-O-B!  Crazy, I know, but I have only just fully realized what my new position is.  I was really tired the other day and wanted nothing more than for my husband to come home from work to help me with the kids.  And then it hit me like a bolt of lightning; he can't just leave work to take care of the kids any more than I can leave the kids to go help him at work.  He's at work!  I'm at work.  His job is to go out, do his job and bring home the bacon.  My job is to stay home with the kids and "manage the household".  When I was working in the lab, I couldn't just ask some one else to come in and take over for me.  It was my job.  The same goes for being a SAHM.  I can't resent my husband because he's not helping me do my job. 

There is something of a grey area here because he does need to be involved with the kids.  But now it's not his job to know when swim practice is, or to get them to a friends for a play date; it's mine.  I'm basically a nanny with benefits.  I cook for them, clean for them, make sure they are bathed and help with homework.  But I'm also a confidant, a boo-boo fixer, a costume maker and a playmate.  The kids get full time care, but from some one who loves them more than anything in the world.  

Being a SAHM is a difficult job, an often thankless job, but a great job.

Another con to being a SAHM

A very dear friend of mine, a friend who has helped me adjust to life as a SAHM, has moved.  Not across town or even across the state.  She's moved several states away.  She brought me lunch and a welcome home balloon on my first full day as a SAHM.  Even though she has seven kids of her own, she has always watched my kids for me any time I've needed it.  She's hung out with me on nights when I needed a "mommy time out" and always has an encouraging word when the kids are driving me insane.

Now she's gone.  Not really gone.  With technology the way it is these days I can text, chat, email or Facebook her any time I want.  I will definitely miss our long chats over ice cream or spinach dip. 

A newly recognized down side to being a SAHM is that it has become more difficult for me to leave town.  Now that I am the one watching the kids during the day, it would take a lot more planning for me to visit her.  Before, I could just go and my husband would pick the kids up at daycare.  Now he'd either have to stay home or find some one else to watch them.  Regardless, I will find a way to visit her whether she wants me or not.  Who knows, I might even be able to arrange a visit away from children!

Will wonders never cease

It has been a very long week.  A very, very long week.  I'm tired mentally and physically and just when I thought my children could not get any less grateful, I woke this morning to breakfast in bed!  I must include that not only was there breakfast in bed, but they let me sleep in!   To top it all off my husband was not home, so I know it wasn't his idea.  They were so excited and proud of themselves.  My oldest said they did it because I always make everything for them.  Super sweet and just what I needed.

Breakfast consisted of an untoasted English muffin, one half covered in peanut butter, the other in jelly, a bowl of milk-free mini wheats and a roll of mint Mentos.  The jelly covered English muffin was promptly spilled on my blanket; which is now in the wash and they were so hungry they finished the breakfast for me.  But I don't mind.  It really was nice to know that they may have noticed what it is I do for them.  I love my little goobers!

The biggest target on my body

I am almost 5 foot 5 inches.  I am not a small person, but I'm certainly not large; even while I still carry some extra baby weight.  My head is roughly 8 inches high and 6 inches wide (yes, I measured).  Standing, I take up about 15 inches at the hips.  So why is it that with all that body, my toes (being roughly 4 inches by 2 inches) are the most frequently stepped on, smashed, smooshed, squeezed, jammed and poked part of my body.  

I understand that it kind of makes sense because the children are at my feet.... constantly.  While my children's feet are the primary tools of torture, their hands, elbows, knees and heads are equally dangerous weapons.  Some how those weapons spend the majority of their time above my feet, but still manage to inflict considerable pain to my tiny digits.  You would think that with most of their body and my body above my feet that they would be relatively protected.  Toe nail polish does not help either.  I thought it might make my feet more visible and thus my children would try to miss them, but really it just serves as a homing beacon.

The problem is not just that they are kids and they are running around because my husband can be right next to me and his feet will not be assaulted a single time.  My husband, for some reason, has a different primary target and currently worries most about my son's head while he's running around and my son's feet when my husband is carrying him.

Transformation Complete

I really didn't think it could happen so fast, but my transformation from working mom to SAHM is complete.  When I stopped by my husband's office the other day I parked my blue soccer-mom car next to a young woman in sporty burnt orange car.  She had on designer slacks, a nice blouse and some gorgeous 4-inch strappy heels.  Her hair was done nicely and her make-up was perfect.  She was cleaning out some coffee that had spilled in her car and was clearly on her way to work.  I have no idea if she was a mother.  She could be, but you would never know just looking at her.  I was admiring her shoes when I began to think of what I was doing and wearing.

I had on my very fashionable olive green maternity shorts with the 4-inch thick elastic waist.  They are pretty baggy because I have managed to lose some weight, but still not enough to comfortably fit into my regular clothes.  With my fabulous shorts I paired my always classy "Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris" shirt; which is probably just a little too short for my shorts, giving everyone a nice view of the aforementioned elastic waist band.  I tied the ensemble together with some cute pink and brown flip flops.  My 3 year old, diaper bag, and baby in the car seat completed my look.  And with that, my transformation from working mom to SAHM was complete.  No one would ever mistake me for anything but a mom and really that's OK.

I wish I were an octopus

If I had octopus arms, I could be the single greatest mom of all time.  As it is I can do a lot with only two arms.

I can take care of screaming baby, help a toddler go pee and help a 7 year old with her piano practice; all at the same time.  I can cook dinner, admire a play dough ice cream cone, help with homework and send a text; all at the same time.  I can make a doctor's appointment, rock a baby to sleep, and get a kid a glass of water; all at the same time.

What I can't do is calm a crying baby, discipline a toddler, put a band aid on a cut toe, cook dinner, answer emails and phone calls, and kiss my husband hello; all at the same time.  That's what I tried to do this evening.  I know it will never happen, but I can always dream.

Ah.. family

When you have children, your life is full of crazy excitement, anger, frustration and laughter.  Sometimes you can laugh with your children, sometimes you have to pretend that what they did or said was not funny so they won't repeat it.  Here are a few of my family's funny moments.  Some may not make sense to you, but trust me, in the moment they were H-I-LAR-I-OUS!

Funny things my family has said:
1.  Son:  "I have sensitive toes"
2.  Me:  "I woke up early this morning to work out with you. Next thing I knew, my snoring woke me and it
     was too late"
3. Son:  "You have to be careful when you potty.  You could get really hurt"
4.  Me (8 months pregnant):  "I run like an Oompa, Loompa"
5.  Daughter:  "Did you take a dip class?"
6.  Husband:  "No one is sucking any one's toes!"
7.  Husband:  "You interrupted my doing nothing." Daughter:  "Sorry Daddy"

This blog will be updated periodically, so keep checking it out.

I can't believe I'm sad

My daughter's first day of school has been delayed by a week and a half by some political and budgeting posturing.  Finally it has been worked out enough that she will start her second grade year tomorrow.  And I am sad.  I can't believe it.  I was walking through the store this evening, looking to make her lunch for tomorrow extra special, and I actually almost started crying.  I didn't cry when she went to preschool, kindergarten or first grade.  But this time, I am really going to miss her.

One of the great pros to being a SAHM is that I've had all summer to play with her and to really get to know her.  When I was working I spent time with her, but this summer we were really able to connect.  We've talked and played, read some long chapter books together, painted our nails.  She learned how to ride her bike, tell time and swim.  It's been great.  And now I'm losing my buddy. 

Don't get me wrong, I'll be glad to have two kids throughout the day instead of trying to juggle all three.  It's a lot of work to get three kids (one in a car seat) in and out of the car for every little errand that needs to be run. 

Still, she's growing up so fast and I am very grateful for the chance to be with her.  I had a wonderful time with her this summer and am already looking forward to next.

I figured it out!

Lately, I've been struggling with wanting some alone time.  I've gotten out of the house alone a couple of times in the last 2 weeks, but it doesn't seem like it's enough.  I really just want to have a good 4-5 hours, in my house, doing what I want.... no interruptions.  I struggle with this, because it doesn't make sense.  The children have quiet time during the day and they do go to sleep at a very reasonable hour at night.  My husband travels for work, so I have opportunities to be alone then.  So why do I feel like I constantly have some one around, watching me?  The answer is simple, because I do!

My kids have 1-2 hours of quiet time every afternoon during the baby's nap.  Which should be plenty of time for me to accomplish what I need or to just relax.  Unfortunately I end up chasing one or both of them back to their rooms every 20 minutes or so.  Therefore, it is virtually impossible to get anything done, take a nap or even just sit in silence.

Even when my husband's out of town and the kids are in bed, I am the ever vigilant ninja waiting for a child to try and escape their room.  I expect the mild heart attack caused by a little face at 3AM.  I expect the relentless advances to break down my defenses that prevent children from sleeping in my bed.  And even when I relent and let them stay in my bed I end up getting poked, jabbed and kicked all night, culminating in the ever predictable 5:30AM call for breakfast.

So other than the rare excursion away from the house, I am NEVER alone.  There is always the opportunity for some one to talk, touch, beg, ask, annoy, whine or love on me.  The other night, my husband and I were watching a movie and I practically jumped through my skin as I caught a glimpse of my daughter's profile out of the corner of my eye.  I've been surprised by a cute little face popping in the shower, I don't know how many times.  I've slammed bathroom doors on cute little toes and slept on the floor next to their beds to prevent giant hippos from eating them (I don't know where they thought of that).

The reason I feel like I never have any alone time is because I am on guard, 24/7, waiting for whatever they may come up with next.  It could be a book they want to read, a movie they want to watch, some one may have touched some one else, or they may just be lonely and want a hug.  Whatever the reason I feel I must be prepared to act and act now.   I am never truly off duty. 

Even when I do get away, I feel guilty about it.  My husband works hard all day.  It's not like he's out golfing or fishing.  When he's not at work, he's at home with us.  Why should he have to stay and face the continuous onslaught alone? 

Really I think I would be OK if I could just get the kids to stay in their rooms during quiet time.  I am currently in the process of designing a reward/punishment discipline to make "quiet time" more quiet.  I've got my fingers crossed!

Getting SAHM tough

What happens when Mom is out of commission?  It's easy to say that my husband could just stay home and help me out, but sometimes he really needs to be at work or is out of town.  When I was working I was always weary of asking my husband to miss work to take care of sick kids, but now that I stay home I am even more weary of it.  I feel like it is my job to take care of the house and children, so he shouldn't ever have to miss work, even for me.  I feel like it looks really bad for him to miss work now that I stay home.  His wife is home; why should he be?

Unfortunately, my feet have seriously hurt for the last 5 months.  I thought it was just due to some extreme swelling I had during pregnancy, but apparently I have bone spurs and plantar fasciitis.  For the most part I can function; I just have excruciating pain every time and stand up.  Usually it goes away, but sometimes it lasts all day and it always comes back after I've been sitting for a while.  Today, I finally went to the doctor and got a cortisone shot in both heels.  I feel bad because in order to go, my husband stayed home with the kids.  While my feet already feel a little better, I have some weird pain and sensations and really don't want to walk too much.  But I don't want to my husband to miss work even more.

So now I'm trying to take care of three kids with limited mobility.  This is the part that makes being a SAHM difficult.  When I was working, the kids could be at daycare most of the day when I was sick; making it easier to relax and get better.  Now, I have the kids no matter what.  I've always prided myself on being pretty tough, but now I'm going to have to get tougher!

What do I want to do?

I was asked recently  by my husband and a former co-worker if I was thinking of going back to work.  I'm not sure what my husband's motives for that were (ha ha), but I think they were both afraid I was not content being a SAHM.  Honestly, I haven't thought at all about going back to work.  The transition from two to three kids has been a lot more intense than I thought it would be.  There really is no way to describe it, other than it's hard.  Even with my oldest being 7, it's hard to find time to get anything done.  I can't imagine going back to work. 

But it did get me thinking, what would I want to do?  I can't go back to the job I had; a person can only postdoc for so long.  And to be honest, I don't really miss it that much.  I miss the people I worked with, but I don't miss the stress or even job itself.  That's difficult for me to wrap my brain around.  I loved my job.  I can't decide if I'm not interested in research anymore or if I'm too afraid to try again. 

The lab I worked in has been trying to get a paper published for quite some time and it keeps getting rejected.  It's very disheartening.  I don't take rejection well and I have  had more than my fair share.  I spent years working on the data in that paper and I think the information is important.  In my 13 years of doing research I have never had an easy time getting a paper published.  My first experiences were quite harsh with some reviewers who were just down-right cruel.  I learned that publishing is as much who you know as it is what you know.  If someone doesn't want you to publish because they don't like one of the people on your paper or you're going to 'scoop' them, it's not going to be published. 

I've had reviews ranging from, "You don't know what you're talking about", to "Great paper, just not right for this journal" on the same paper.  It's confusing to say the least.  One person will say the information is great, the next will say it's the worst they've ever seen.  I think I have had enough experience with the whole reviewing process, to just be done with it all. 

If I go back to work it will be in a completely different area.  It's a shame to go to school for so long and rack up all those student loans, just to quit.  At some point I have to realize that it's me and not them.  Either way I feel like a failure.  As a SAHM I get to hug my kids all day and when they turn out fabulous I can take 95% of the credit!

Worst day EVER!

Wow!  I knew it would happen some day; I just never knew it could happen so fast.  A few weeks ago I survived the worst day ever.  It's hard to imagine that it could get any worse.  I'm sure it can be worse, so I'm not going to jinx it by saying I won't have a worse day.  I'm only now writing about it because it has taken that long to get over it.  I can almost laugh about it.... almost.

It all started with me daring to get up early to work out.  I should have known that was not a good idea.  Of course the kids got up early and were fighting with one another and that fighting did not stop ALL day.  So the work out didn't go as planned and my 30 minute work out turned into a 45 minute work out.  As I was stretching I heard, "Mom... the TV is broken."  At first I thought they had just messed something up with the remote, but I had a sinking feeling that it was something else.  The TV was in fact broken.  My darling son had cracked the screen.  All I could do was walk away.

Then I had the nerve to take a shower.  There's nothing like having a 3 year old sneak in on you while your face is covered with soap, especially after he's broken the TV.  We survived the next couple of hours with no big incidents; just constant fighting.  I got my son down for a nap, made some banana bread and hung out with my oldest for a while.  Then the baby needed to be fed.  So I went to my room and left my daughter downstairs to play.  A little while later she came up to ask me if my son had gotten into the banana bread because she noticed the tops had been messed with.  I knew my son hadn't done it because he was asleep, so it had to be her.  So not only did she eat the top off the banana bread (bread I was supposed to be taking to some one else), she tried to blame her brother for it.  I really didn't know how to respond to that either, so she spent a few hours in her room.

That same day I was worried our baby was coming down with a fever, so I was taking her temperature and foolishly left the thermometer on the kitchen table.  I let my daughter out of her room for a snack with her brother.  And of course my son immediately reached for the thermometer and promptly dropped it on the floor where it broke.  I really didn't know what to do from there.  The kids wouldn't stop fighting with one another.  My parenting skills had already been taxed that day and I had nothing left.  I sent my husband a text that said, "I don't think I'm going to make it".  He was home within an hour.

When he got home he was greeted with a very quiet scene.  I told my daughter to sit on one side of the room, my son on the other, I had the baby in my arms and I dared them to speak before their dad got home.  He walked in and I told him to go on upstairs, change his clothes and take a few minutes to wind down from his day and when he was ready, to come down and I'd fill him in on the events of the day.

As I recounted the day's events his face got more and more sullen.  His shoulders noticeably drooped and after I had recounted everything I could remember, he just rubbed his chin in that intellectual way and told the kids to go to their rooms and that we would talk and come up with appropriate punishments.

I am happy to say that the kids have seemed to have learned their lesson and have behaved much better.  It doesn't hurt that they went about 2 weeks without TV and still haven't been able to watch much television.  Our daughter spent 2 days grounded to her room for lying and while we are still dealing with some lying issues, I think she has learned her lesson.  Really I'm glad that day happened.  I survived it and am hopefully more prepared for the future.

More on my foot than in his mouth

Three year olds are an interesting breed.  They can do some things on their own,  but still require supervision to make sure they don't cut their fingers off when using safety scissors.  My son can change his own Pull-Up, but refuses to pee on the potty on his own.  The other day we were at the store and he insisted on getting a drink from the drinking fountain.  He really wants to be able to get a drink by himself like his big sister, and he's almost big enough.  So I had to pick him up, which isn't really a big deal, except that he was so excited about being allowed to use the drinking fountain that he forgot where his mouth was and ended up sloshing water all over his face and onto my foot.  He had to have gotten twice as much water on my foot than he did his mouth.  I then got to spend the next five minutes walking around the store with my foot slipping on the wet sole of my sandal.  Totally awesome.

My oldest has always been a talker and she would ask tons of questions, but my son is like a 20 questions App that's stuck on repeat.  He NEVER stops.  Maybe it's because I'm home all the time now, but I can only take so much.  He will ask me the same question no less than 10 times in 10 minutes.  For example, today I told him he could have banana bread for a snack a few hours before snack time.  BIG mistake.  I was bombarded with the question, "Can I have banana bread for a snack?" no less than 120 times.  A few times while I was cutting the bread and putting it on the plate!  I don't understand the need to ask over and over again.  My answer didn't change and  I don't lie to my children.  If I tell them I'm going to do something, I do it.  There is absolutely no reason for him to think I would not give him banana bread and yet he felt it was necessary to make sure over and over and over and over again.  I know this is just a phase, but my daughter is seven and she hasn't completely grown out of it.

I try to focus on the knowledge that in a few short years they will quit talking to me and I will be like a 3 year old constantly asking them the same question, hoping they will respond.

Mom's time out

After two dirty pull-ups, four dirty diapers and some immense 7 year old attitude I needed a time out!  I was super cranky with a terrible headache.  All I could think about was getting away. We've had a lot of visitors lately, so my house was a disaster and I was feeling completely overwhelmed by everything I needed to do.  I had my escape planned.  As soon as we finished dinner, I was going to kiss the kids and my husband and leave.  I didn't know where, but I was going to be alone.  I even called a fellow SAHM, who I thought could use a time out as well.  Unfortunately she was not able to get away, but we made plans for another day.

As soon as my husband got home I informed him of my plans and he said the most incredible thing I've ever heard.  He said, "Why don't you go now?  Stay out as late as you like and I'll take care of the kids."  That's right he said it; while the baby was crying!  I didn't give him ten minutes and I was out the door.  It was the best two hours.  I ran a few errands and ate dinner alone.  It was AWESOME.  I got to eat my whole meal, all the way through without getting up.  There were not trips to the fridge for juice, or seconds or dropped forks.  Then I treated myself to a wonderful shake and a 30 minute uninterrupted talk with my best friend.

Even though my time out was very relaxing and just what I needed, I couldn't help but feel guilty leaving my husband at home.  I don't know why.  I stay at home with all three kids everyday.  He's perfectly capable of taking care of the kids.  They are his too.  Yet, I couldn't help but feel bad.  When I got home I found out the baby cried the whole time I was gone.  But we took care of that, I kissed the kids goodnight and went to sleep.  Best time out ever!

So what's new with you?

It finally happened.  A single friend of mine asked me what was new with me.  What is new with me?  Not much.  The kids have been behaving.  The baby has settled into a nice routine that includes sleeping 10-12 hours a night and we're getting ready for school to start.  Not really exciting information for some one who lives a life of freedom.  Another mom might find my time out anecdotes funny or want to hear about the newest recipe I tried, but I can't imagine it's that interesting to some one who's single and has an interesting job.

I felt boring.  I had nothing interesting to contribute to the conversation.  It's only been 5 and a half months since my last day at work and my life has become dimensionless.  I used to be a mom, a wife, a researcher, a commuter, a teacher and a student just to name a few.  That list is now down to a wife and mom.  I'm sure if I really thought about it there would be more to the list, but right now, that's all I've got.  I've really got to find time for a hobby.

I have seen my future

I have seen my future and I'm very optimistic.  The last week and a half we have had the pleasure of hosting my sister-in-law and her family which consists of her funny husband and three kids.  She is the proud mom of a 15 year old young man, a nearly 13 year old young lady (yikes!) and an 11 year old boy.  She doesn't have to change their diapers, or wipe their faces (usually), or help them get dressed.  While they like her and do want some attention from her they don't clasp to her leg like she could disappear at any moment.  While they fight with one another and don't always clean up their mess, they are very well mannered and are very polite to adults; even aunts who taunt and poke at them (hee hee).  It was very nice to see that my days of butt wiping, nose wiping, vomit catching and potty training will end.


While there is light at the end of the tunnel, I did see new challenges on the horizon.  Acne, attitude (13 year old girl attitude) and size just to name a few.  My 11 year old nephew is super STRONG!  If he got mad enough at his sister, he could do some real damage.  Luckily for her, her brothers have been well raised and do not hit her as hard as they can.  


My oldest nephew will be getting his driver's permit soon.  I like to think I could teach my kids to drive, but I don't know.  It's got to be hard to separate who you knew the child to be at 8 or 9 from the young adult they are at 16.  I know my parents still have a tendency to treat me like I was still the crazy, fly-by-the-seat of my pants teen I used to be.  If my son continues with his dare-devil ways, he's never going to drive.


All-in-all it was a great visit and I was very happy to see that a mother of three can survive and the children can grow up to be calmer, less whiny and potty trained! 

Is every day a Saturday?

Ever since my dad retired his motto has been, "every day is Saturday".  He likes to say that about my being a stay at home mom also.  At first I liked the idea because I loved Saturdays.  I got to play with my kids, hang our with my husband and not go to work.  Now that I don't work, I still like Saturdays, but for a totally different reason.  My husband is home.  I have help doing my job.  Saturdays no longer mean getting to play with my kids and hang out with my husband.  Now they mean I have a chance to maybe get an hour to myself, or sleep in a little. 

Unfortunately, I don't always get a break from my job.  All week long it's my job to cook, clean and play/entertain the kids.  It's my job to do it on the weekend as well.  My husband helps out, but I never really get a break.  In the few months I've been home I have occasionally been able to go to the grocery store myself and the other day I went to the doctor alone.  No matter what I get to do alone, I still have to rush home to make sure I can feed the baby.  Right now my life is very much not my own as  I am at the mercy of a two month old.  I know she could be given a bottle and I could get away longer, but then my nursing schedule would get all messed up and I don't want to risk getting mastitis again.

Oh, how I long to sleep in until 8 and be able to make a meal or take a shower without playing 20 questions with the kids.  It seems like before I can finish one request another has already been submitted.  I'm busier at home than I ever was at work.  In a few years all the kids will be in school and they won't want to have anything to do with me.  So for right now, I think I'll just enjoy the time I have with my kids.  In fact I have to go change yet another poopy diaper right now.  Oh happy day!

More Fatherly Advice

I love my husband.  He is hi-lar-i-ous.  He is truly a great father and is very concerned with our children's education.  He reads to them, corrects their grammar and tries to answer every one of their questions.  But he also provides them with valuable life lessons that can only be taught by a parent.


We took the kids out to lunch the other day and bought them ice cream cones.  Surprisingly, our kids are able to eat cones with little to no mess.  However, my husband feels it is imperative that they learn how to smoosh down their ice cream so it fills the whole cone.  I watched for about 5 minutes as my husband tried to explain/demonstrate the art of ice cream smooshing.  Of course he had to help them and ended up decreasing the amount of ice cream left in their cones, but as a parent, you do what you've got to do.


A few mornings later, the lesson was all about how to drink your cereal milk.  This has long been a tradition in our house and my husband is a master.  My amateur son dared to drink his milk from the side of the bowl and my husband's yellow flag went out.  No worries though.  My husband took the time teach my son to properly drink his cereal milk from the corner of the bowl.  And thank goodness.  We're about to have company and I don't know what I would do if my son drank his milk from the side of the bowl!  I would be utterly embarrassed.

Was it an accident or negligence?

Was it an accident or negiligence?  That's the question my husband asked me after I told him that one of our children had broken the television.  I didn't want to tell him it was our son.  He has a tendency to break things and has gotten in a lot of trouble lately.  Of course he knew who did it, but I tried.  My son was playing around with one of those rubber exercise bands and when he twirled it, the handle hit the TV.  While nothing actually broke, apparently he hit some pixels or something and there is literally a web pattern on the screen that looks like broken glass. 

So, was it an accident or negligence?  My son did not mean to break the TV and he wasn't trying to hit the TV, so yes it was an accident.  However, where was I?  Shouldn't I have kept the whole thing from happening?  I was in the other room trying to get some exercise.  First of all, he should not have had the exercise band and second of all, I should have been watching him.  So there was definitely negligence on my side.

The next question is, what should the punishment be?  While it was an accident, he has been told not to play around the TV especially when he's throwing something around.  But he is only three.  Obviously he's not allowed to watch TV and that may be the case for quite a while because we can't afford to replace it right now.  Then I come back to how much of it was actually my fault.  I know I can't be around all the time and I can't stop everything, but isn't it just as much my fault as his?  The crazy thing is that I'm not really that mad at him.  It was an accident and I feel I'm as much to blame as him.  I should not be allowed to watch TV either.  Oh wait.... I can't.

Can I close my ears?

God made us so we could close our eyes and not see what's going on around us.  Why is it that we can't close our ears?  I know I can cover my ears or even use ear plugs, but that doesn't always work and sometimes you need your hands for other things.... like driving.  My children talk A LOT.  And by a lot I mean non-stop.  It's like their heads will fall off they have to experience even 30 seconds of quiet.  I've heard that boys are usually pretty quiet.  My son never closes his mouth, at least at home.

Today while we were on our way to drop my daughter off at gymnastics camp I decided to time how long it took for some one to talk.  It takes about 15 minutes to get to the gym and in that time they were quiet for no longer than 25 seconds!  I couldn't believe it.  We often have conversations in the car, so it makes sense that we wouldn't have long pauses, but today it was just random.

This is pretty much how it went:

Son:  Mom can we play outside when we get home?
Me:  Sure honey.

Daughter:  Mom, I love gymnastics camp.
Me:  I'm glad.  I hope you have fun today.

Son:  Mom, can we watch Elmo's Potty Time when we get home?
Me:  Yes we can.

Daughter:  Mom, is my friend going to be there today?
Me:  Yes she is.

Son:  Mom, are we there yet?
Me:  Yes.
Son:  Mommy, no we're not!
Me:  If you know we're not there, quit asking me.

Daughter:  Mom, if my brother had friends that smoked and they came over for a sleep over, would you kick them out?
Me:  What?  No, I wouldn't kick them out.  They wouldn't be allowed to smoke in the house.

Son:  Mom, can we watch Elmo's Potty Time when we get home?
Me:  Yes, honey we can.

Daughter:  Smoking is yucky.  It makes you smell bad.
Me:  You're right.

Son:  Mommy, listen to me!
Me:  Yes, honey, what do you want to tell me?
Son:  Mom, I just want to tell you.... uh... uh...
Me:  Tell me what?
Son:  Can we watch Elmo's Potty Time when we get home?
Me:  Yes, honey.

Daughter:  Mom, did you pack crackers for my lunch?
Me:  Yes honey.

Son:  Mommy, I want to go to gymnastics.
Me:  I know honey, but you're not quite old enough yet.
Son:  Oh pickles!

Daughter:  Yeah, you need to be bigger.
Son:  I wasn't talking to you!  Just Mommy!
Daugher:  I was just letting you know.
Me:  Honey, don't speak to your brother that way and son don't yell at your sister.
Son and Daughter:  Sorry Mommy.

Son:  Mom, can we watch Elmo's Potty Time when we get home?

I could go on for quite a bit longer, but I think I've gotten my point across.  At least when we're at home I can walk into another room if I need some quiet, but in the car I'm trapped.  When my kids were babies I waited anxiously for the first time they called me Mommy and now they start every sentence with "Mommy".  I still like hearing it, but if I only heard it 5,000 times a day instead of 10,000 I wouldn't be upset.

To sum up, my daughter had a great time at camp and yes, my son got to watch Elmo's Potty Time.  At least the first 15 minutes.  After that he wanted to watch something else.

More or Less?

Transitioning from being a working mom to a SAHM has been an exercise in balance.  For me, being a working mom meant having more money and less time with the family.  Staying home has meant less money and more time with the family.  Oddly enough staying home has also meant less time for me.  When I was working I felt like I had more control over what I did all day long.  Currently I feel like my life revolves around everyone else's needs and wants.  Not that my life should revolve around me, but it would be nice to have some control over my day.  I know some of the imbalance comes from having a third child.  A baby requires a lot of attention and your schedule is dictated by them.  But when what's left of my life is dictated by the rest of my family it's just too much.  Some days it feels like the walls are closing in around me and there is no escape. 

It has been very tricky to maintain the balance between household duties and family.  For example, today I was finally able to get all the stuff laying around the house put away and was able to sweep and vacuum.  My house finally felt clean.  I felt great getting all that done, but I feel like I ignored the kids all day; even though I took them to the library, read them books and just spent some good quality time with them.  Reciprocally, when I spend most of the day playing with the kids I feel guilty that I haven't done more around the house.  It's ridiculous.  I'm my own boss and I'm dissatisfied with my job performance.  What is wrong with me?

While I have less time and patience, I do have more mess.  It is unreal what my children can do to a house in one day.  They have always been good at making a mess, but now that they are home all day everyday, it is out of control.  When I go upstairs to nurse the baby, I just pray that the house will still be in one piece when I'm done.  The other day there were literally toys littering every surface of the house.  No room was spared!  There were blankets hanging off doors, crayons on the floor and stuffed animals all over the place.  I stepped on cars, doll clothes and found Play-Dough in places no one should ever find Play-Dough.  And somehow they managed to do all that BEFORE quiet time.  I managed to get the kids to clean it all up, but it looked just as bad by the next afternoon.

I am working on finding a balance that works for my family and me.  Progress has been made, but there is a lot of work left to be done.

I'm Back Baby!

Oh yeah baby... I'm back.  After months of barely being able to move, crippling foot pain, peeing every 20 minutes and making snails look fast, I finally feel human again.  I have been feeling weird all week because I haven't been visiting the restroom enough.  The last couple of weeks I have been working out and this Monday I was able to give 150% on the elliptical.  The sweaty grossness felt awesome!  My son and I had a great 20 minute wrestling match after a 5 month break and to top it all off I was able to lay out on the floor, on my stomach, and reach all the way under the couch, to retrieve a long-flung pacifier.  I still have some weight to lose, but it feels so great to get back to my old self.

The best part is the lack of stress.  I'm not saying it's not tough to be home with three kids all day, but I don't have to worry about what I'm missing at work, or what I'm going to have to do to catch up at work.  The stress I have at home is the only stress in my life.  If I had to go back to work in 4 weeks, I would be losing my mind.  Juggling our home life and work would be incredibly overwhelming for me.  I love that I can spend time with each of my kids.  If I had to work I would only have about 3-4 hours total each night and I would be making dinner, trying to get baths taken and piano practiced in that time.  Now I have all day to get my job done and play with the kids.  It's great.

Second Time's the Charm?

I must confess that this is technically my second time being a SAHM.  My first experience was when our oldest was about 7 months old and we moved out of state for my husband's job.  I was just finishing graduate school and wrote my thesis during the first few months in our new home.  Technically I was working because I was writing my thesis, but really I was home taking care of our daughter. 

I had our daughter during our last year in graduate school and fortunately we were able to work our schedules so we didn't have to put our daughter in daycare and thank goodness.  A friend of mine and had her son a few months before me and unfortunately, she had to put her son in daycare by 8 weeks to go back to work.    When our daughter was 8 weeks old, I looked at her and began to cry at the thought of having to take her some place for some one else to look after and raise for me.  My husband and I had already talked about me being a stay at home mom, so we thought the move was a great opportunity to try it out. 

After I got the house unpacked, I was BORED OUT OF MY MIND!  We had no money and no friends.  I couldn't even afford the gas to go to the park and forget about walking around the neighborhood.  We were surrounded by businesses  on a busy street with no sidewalks.  Our daughter wasn't difficult  to take care of either.  She was a very good natured baby who required very little attention.  In fact, most of the time she preferred being left alone.  So I spent most of my time cleaning and inventing things to do with her, but there's only so much a person can do with a 6-12 month old.  During the week I had a pretty strict schedule.  I still remember it.  My husband would get up about 7 to get ready for work.  After he left, I would shower and our daughter got up around 8.  She would have breakfast while we watched the Today Show.  We would then vacuum and sweep and mop the kitchen floor (yes I did it everyday).  We would then play in her room for about 30min, have a snack and she would go down for her morning nap.  Then came lunch, a walk around the block, dusting and cleaning the bathrooms (yes, everyday).  I would start dinner while she was having her afternoon nap and watched "The Nanny" and "MASH" reruns.  I saw every episode of those two shows in order about 4 times.

The best days were Thursday and Friday.  Thursday I would do the laundry, so that gave me something different to do.  I actually enjoyed ironing just because it allowed me to mix things up.  Friday, my daughter and I would meet my husband for lunch and then we would go grocery shopping.  I would take 2 hours, just because I needed something to do.

To make ends meet I  had to get a job at Kmart as a cashier.  It wasn't the most glamorous job in the world, but it helped pay the bills and was less stinky than when I cleaned locker rooms at a local gym while in high school.  The best part was I worked evenings with a bunch of teenagers who were a little goofy and just helped to make the work experience a whole lot better.  Luckily, my husband's company relocated us to an area where I could get a post doc.  And after 7 months as a SAHM, I was ready to go back to work.  Six and two kids later, I am back at home.

My second experience as a SAHM has been completely different.  As a mother of three, I don't even have time to breathe, much less get bored.  It used to be that when my husband was out of town the days seemed to creep.  My husband was recently out of town for 2 weeks and it felt like the blink of an eye.  I am honestly moving from sun up to way past sun down.  As my children get older, I'm sure things will get less chaotic, but right now I can't imagine going back to work.  I can barely keep up with what I need to do now.  To throw work and all the stress that comes with that into the mix just might send me to the loony bin. 

While I have managed to get a shower every day, I have to admit that my hair does not always get done and sometimes my children are in their PJs until lunch time.  This is only my 5th month as a SAHM of more than one child, so I am still getting situated.  It does get a little easier everyday and I do have a family routine worked out; I just need to implement it.  Maybe tomorrow.