About Me

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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Monday, January 28, 2013

I can't be there for everything

I missed it.  I missed my son's first soccer game.  Admittedly, he's three and it's the YMCA indoor league, but it was still a big deal to him.  He will likely  never remember that it happened and he most likely will not remember that I wasn't there.  But I know I wasn't, and that hurts a little.  I don't think I've missed any event like that in my kid's lives.  It's a sad reality that a parent can't see everything.  Not all events are important to me, but they are to the kids.  I want them to remember that I was there.

I was missing for a good reason.  There was a special event at the Adventure Science Museum and my daughter really wanted to go.  My husband and I decided it wasn't fair for her to miss the event, so he took our son to soccer and I took the girls to the museum.

I suppose that's going to happen more often now that we have three kids and our son is getting older.  We're used to following our oldest around and now it's time for the second oldest to start participating in activities.  I can't imagine how hard it will be when we have to juggle the activities of three kids.  I think just having three in school could be a challenge.  In order to fend off the inevitable craziness, my husband and I have decided to "protect" our Sunday afternoons and evenings.  We are going to purposefully plan our lives so our whole family will be home every Sunday afternoon and evening.  I don't know how long we'll be successful, but it's worth a try.

On a happier note, my husband and I both got to see our baby crawl for the first time.  I saw our oldest and he saw our son.  It was a nice treat to get to experience that moment with him.  Now she's mobile.  Let the adventure begin!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Argh... why is it so hard?!?!?

Three weeks in and I've managed to lose two pounds and gain them right back.  I promise I have been good.  This week I did eat a few cookies, but really I've eaten well.  I haven't eaten too much food at meals and I've exercised.  It's so not fair!  This morning all I wanted to do was crawl back under the covers and cry; which I did for about 5 minutes until it was time to be mom again.  It's nice to have the distraction.  I've been telling myself all the usual lines to make me feel better.  The weight gain is really muscle because of the exercise.  It's a metabolism issue or some other thing.  It's difficult to maintain confidence and determination, but this weight is coming off.  I don't care if I have to run 5 miles a day.  I was afraid I would pig out today as per my usual method of healing, but I did well.  I even ate one of those health wraps for lunch.  No matter how stubborn this weight is, it's coming off!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Biggest Pet Peeve

I don't know if it's my biggest pet peeve, but the button my kids push the most is the "Don't Listen" button.  I know they're young and I can't expect them to listen all the time, but when my oldest wants to show me "something cool" and I know it's going to make a mess, I'm going to say no.  And I expect her to stop before I've said, "No" six times and my voice has reached an unacceptable decibel level.  But more importantly, I expect her to stop before there is a mess.  Of course, that's not going to happen.  It makes me furious!  You'd think after hundreds of sit-ups, countless time outs, a "little" yelling, and untold lectures that even my three year old would learn to listen by the 3rd no.  I know the trick is to stay calm and discipline immediately, but in the moment it's so much easier to repeat myself and get angry.  The times I've managed to keep my cool, I've been able to take care of the problem quickly and quietly.  So why can't they stay good.  It's the constant need to repeat the lesson that wears on my nerves.  I just have to take a deep breath, pray and remember I'm supposed to be a good example.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Grocery Store Boogie Man

Normally I love the grocery store.  I love the guilt-free spending and perusing the aisles for new ingredients and dinner ideas.  Sometimes I even get to go by myself.  But yesterday the grocery store was my worst nightmare.  I've been sticking to my new meal plan, so of course I went hungry and I took all three kids.  I'm a stress eater, so the whole time we were in the store all I could think about was Oreos and cookies and cream ice cream.

To avoid impulse buys, I try never to go to the grocery store on an empty stomach.  As I walked down the aisles, the food was calling me.  Of course the juice is down the same aisle as the cookies, so on my way to get apple juice for my son I could hear the Chips-A-Hoy, Keebler Fudge cookies and sugar wafers whispering how yummy they were and how they could calm my over stimulated senses.  I was seriously jones-ing for a creamy, sweet, sugary high.

Thankfully I was able to power through.  That is until we reached check out.  Damn those check out lanes!  It's bad enough that every time I go to pay I have to wrestle my kids to keep them away from the M&Ms, Hershey's bars and magazines filled with inappropriately clad, half-naked women, but now I have to wrestle my own will power.  Yesterday I lost.  The Twix won.

Oh well.  I shouldn't completely deprive myself anyway.  That can only end with me sitting on the couch with a half a gallon of ice cream smothered in chocolate syrup, sprinkled with chocolate chip cookies.  

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

First Week

One week in and I'm making it.  I've lost a whole pound!  Woo Hoo!  That was my goal and I made it.  I had no cookies, no cake, and no ice cream.  That's a real achievement for me.  I did eat half a Starburst candy cane, but I think that's it, as far as sweets go.  I managed to have no snacks through the day and I had a small bowl of pretzels at night for a couple of nights.

Tonight was pretty difficult.  The kids had pudding for desert.  I opened the little pack for them and of course licked the lids.  So yummy.  It's difficult to say no.  So far I've made it.  The night is young.  I might have to break into a yogurt or something.  Hopefully that will calm the craving.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Christmas as a SAHM

I was worried that being a SAHM would make the holidays seem a little less special.  I'm already home all day with the kids, and that's what I usually appreciate about Christmas.  I'm not really huge into decorating.  We always add some Christmas cheer to our house, but it doesn't take over our house.  I started to put pressure on myself to have the perfect Christmas.  After all, as a SAHM, that's my job, right?  To make sure all holidays are super spectacular.  When the flu hit all three of my kids the week before Christmas, I quickly got over that and I'm glad I did.

This Christmas was extra special for me because I got to truly enjoy my family!  That's right.  There was no rushing home from work to play with the kids and then staying up until midnight making goodies or wrapping presents.  I didn't avoid doing housework during the day so I could spend every minute with my kids.  I took care of my chores throughout the day and wasn't worried about soaking up every second with my kids.  It was far more relaxing for me.  And the icing on the cake was that my husband was home for almost two weeks.  He worked a tiny bit from home, but was mostly just here with us.  It was wonderful.  We were all relaxed and laughed and SLEPT!  The kids actually began sleeping in until 8.  That has made the transition back to school a little difficult, but it was awesome all the same.

I guess the biggest difference was that the stress was gone.  I didn't have the "I have a ton to do when I get back" stress.  I didn't have the "I'll never get all of this done" stress.  I got to enjoy my family and have a little vacation myself.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Meal Plan Change

When it comes to my weight, I've been lucky.  In high school and college I could eat like an NFL line backer and not gain an ounce.  After college I had to cut back to eating like a high school line backer.  I exercised daily and when I was pregnant the first time I was in pretty good shape.  I worked out during and was able to get back in the gym immediately after.  It took about 3 months to get back to where I was pre-baby.  And that's after I had gained about 75 pounds during the pregnancy!  I had a fried potatoes and ice cream problem. 

Life changed after we moved and I had less time to exercise.  I didn't gain any weight, I just lost some definition.  I got a little exercise during my second pregnancy, but I did manage a few times a week on the elliptical after he was born.  I certainly couldn't eat like a high school line backer anymore.  I was eating more like a really hungry 20-something.  While most of the baby weight was off in the first 4 months, it took nearly a year to lose all the baby weight.

Now it's almost 8 years since I had my first child and the weight just won't come off.  I get more exercise than I did with my second child, so I guess the issue is that I'm older and my metabolism is slowing.  I've had to slow my eating to a normal 20-something just to maintain where I am now.  To get the last 20 pounds off, I have decided to cut out all sweets and probably all snacks.

I'm two days into my meal plan change (I don't diet) and I have succeeded.  I have had no sweets; which is mega huge for me.  I haven't even snacked.  I did get to finish my son's popsicle tonight, but it was made from fresh squeezed tangelo juice, so that doesn't count.  I haven't lost any weight yet (and I only say that because if I had eaten that little when I was 22, I would have already lost 3 pounds), but I'm hopeful my strategy will work.  I also jumped for 45 minutes with my son at a bouncy house place yesterday and did 30 minutes on the elliptical today.  My goal is to have it all off before my daughter's first birthday.  It's going to take some major will power, but I'm up for the challenge.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A better year

2012 is finally over!  I have never been excited for a year to end and New Year's has never been that significant a holiday for me.  But this time, New Year's means a lot and I didn't really realize it until last night.  My husband and I have never really celebrated the new year.  Now that we have three kids, one of whom is an infant, we really had no real intention of going out to celebrate or even having much of a celebration at the house.  I did try to have some friends over for dinner and was trying to put something fun together for the kids, but nothing worked out.  So midnight came last night, my husband and I shared a lack-luster sparkling grape juice toast and a peck on the lips.  Pretty anti-climactic; which is why we never really celebrate New Year's to begin with.  This year our rather dull ceremony depressed me.  I had a really tough 2012, physically and emotionally, and for the first time ever, the new year is giving me some hope for the future.  Our celebration for a new year did not match my excitement for my new outlook.

I'm finally in a place where I think I'm comfortable being a SAHM.  I certainly believe there are more pros than cons.  Research that I spent 4 years working on may finally get published this year!  Which means all those years and all that time behind the bench might actually count for something.  And by association my life during that time may have counted for something.  And with that has come a renewed surge of self-confidence that I just might be able to lose the last bit of baby weight.  Yes, that's right.  I've pledged to lose weight just in time for the New Year.  It's not a resolution.  I don't really do those.  It's more the fulfillment of a promise I made to myself a long time ago.  I'm an emotional eater, and I've been pretty bummed the last year, so I've eaten a lot.  Now I'm ready to brush all that debris off, work through my crap and believe in me again.  I'm very excited for 2013.