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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Frustration... you are my Everest

I don't know what it is, but I am extremely susceptible to frustration.  I don't mean normal frustration that normal people seem to experience when a jar won't open or when they encounter a traffic jam.  My frustration can be caused by anything; a burnt piece of toast, taking too long to put the cap on my toothpaste or something as trivial as tripping on my own feet.  I mean this is a serious problem.  I like to consider myself something of a highly efficient, multi-tasking, wonder woman and anything that affects that perception really annoys me.  I get this really warm feeling in my ears, my back tingles and I get complete tunnel vision.  Of course I get snippy, completely impatient and totally irrational. 

I've been working for years to decrease the impact frustration has on my attitude.  I have gotten less loud and while my words are not nearly as bad, the tone still exists.  If I'm paying attention I can limit the length of time my ears are warm and can rescue myself from the tunnel in a reasonable amount of time.  Breathing helps, but is not a cure.  Even removing myself from the situation doesn't help.  I've found the best treatment is time.  Unfortunately, with three children I'm not really granted the luxury of extended time outs.

What I'm getting right now is A LOT of practice in dealing with my frustration.  The baby has had a pretty bad cold and needs/wants to be held almost all day.  And that is absolutely fine.  I will always love on a child of mine who needs me.  However, it is impossible to get anything done when holding a sick baby.  Really, nothing else can get done.  NOTHING!!  After several hours of cuddling, my mind starts focusing on what I could be doing.  And by focus I mean tunnel vision.  All I can think about is the load of laundry I could get done, the dishes that need to be washed, the pants that need mending, the mail that needs to be gone through, etc., etc.  And it's not just chores.  I haven't been able to play with my son as much as I would like.  Between my oldest's school work and after school activities and the baby's illness, I'm just tired.  And if I have a free moment I'm working on the chores listed above.

The more I think about what's not getting done, the more the frustration builds.  Basically, my ears have been hot and my back has been tingling for 3 days.  It's exhausting.  I feel terrible for my poor children.  I am trying new ways to dampen the frustration, but when it doesn't work, I get more frustrated.  It's a vicious cycle.

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