About Me

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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The biggest target on my body

I am almost 5 foot 5 inches.  I am not a small person, but I'm certainly not large; even while I still carry some extra baby weight.  My head is roughly 8 inches high and 6 inches wide (yes, I measured).  Standing, I take up about 15 inches at the hips.  So why is it that with all that body, my toes (being roughly 4 inches by 2 inches) are the most frequently stepped on, smashed, smooshed, squeezed, jammed and poked part of my body.  

I understand that it kind of makes sense because the children are at my feet.... constantly.  While my children's feet are the primary tools of torture, their hands, elbows, knees and heads are equally dangerous weapons.  Some how those weapons spend the majority of their time above my feet, but still manage to inflict considerable pain to my tiny digits.  You would think that with most of their body and my body above my feet that they would be relatively protected.  Toe nail polish does not help either.  I thought it might make my feet more visible and thus my children would try to miss them, but really it just serves as a homing beacon.

The problem is not just that they are kids and they are running around because my husband can be right next to me and his feet will not be assaulted a single time.  My husband, for some reason, has a different primary target and currently worries most about my son's head while he's running around and my son's feet when my husband is carrying him.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Transformation Complete

I really didn't think it could happen so fast, but my transformation from working mom to SAHM is complete.  When I stopped by my husband's office the other day I parked my blue soccer-mom car next to a young woman in sporty burnt orange car.  She had on designer slacks, a nice blouse and some gorgeous 4-inch strappy heels.  Her hair was done nicely and her make-up was perfect.  She was cleaning out some coffee that had spilled in her car and was clearly on her way to work.  I have no idea if she was a mother.  She could be, but you would never know just looking at her.  I was admiring her shoes when I began to think of what I was doing and wearing.

I had on my very fashionable olive green maternity shorts with the 4-inch thick elastic waist.  They are pretty baggy because I have managed to lose some weight, but still not enough to comfortably fit into my regular clothes.  With my fabulous shorts I paired my always classy "Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris" shirt; which is probably just a little too short for my shorts, giving everyone a nice view of the aforementioned elastic waist band.  I tied the ensemble together with some cute pink and brown flip flops.  My 3 year old, diaper bag, and baby in the car seat completed my look.  And with that, my transformation from working mom to SAHM was complete.  No one would ever mistake me for anything but a mom and really that's OK.

Monday, August 20, 2012

I wish I were an octopus

If I had octopus arms, I could be the single greatest mom of all time.  As it is I can do a lot with only two arms.

I can take care of screaming baby, help a toddler go pee and help a 7 year old with her piano practice; all at the same time.  I can cook dinner, admire a play dough ice cream cone, help with homework and send a text; all at the same time.  I can make a doctor's appointment, rock a baby to sleep, and get a kid a glass of water; all at the same time.

What I can't do is calm a crying baby, discipline a toddler, put a band aid on a cut toe, cook dinner, answer emails and phone calls, and kiss my husband hello; all at the same time.  That's what I tried to do this evening.  I know it will never happen, but I can always dream.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Ah.. family

When you have children, your life is full of crazy excitement, anger, frustration and laughter.  Sometimes you can laugh with your children, sometimes you have to pretend that what they did or said was not funny so they won't repeat it.  Here are a few of my family's funny moments.  Some may not make sense to you, but trust me, in the moment they were H-I-LAR-I-OUS!

Funny things my family has said:
1.  Son:  "I have sensitive toes"
2.  Me:  "I woke up early this morning to work out with you. Next thing I knew, my snoring woke me and it
     was too late"
3. Son:  "You have to be careful when you potty.  You could get really hurt"
4.  Me (8 months pregnant):  "I run like an Oompa, Loompa"
5.  Daughter:  "Did you take a dip class?"
6.  Husband:  "No one is sucking any one's toes!"
7.  Husband:  "You interrupted my doing nothing." Daughter:  "Sorry Daddy"

This blog will be updated periodically, so keep checking it out.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I can't believe I'm sad

My daughter's first day of school has been delayed by a week and a half by some political and budgeting posturing.  Finally it has been worked out enough that she will start her second grade year tomorrow.  And I am sad.  I can't believe it.  I was walking through the store this evening, looking to make her lunch for tomorrow extra special, and I actually almost started crying.  I didn't cry when she went to preschool, kindergarten or first grade.  But this time, I am really going to miss her.

One of the great pros to being a SAHM is that I've had all summer to play with her and to really get to know her.  When I was working I spent time with her, but this summer we were really able to connect.  We've talked and played, read some long chapter books together, painted our nails.  She learned how to ride her bike, tell time and swim.  It's been great.  And now I'm losing my buddy. 

Don't get me wrong, I'll be glad to have two kids throughout the day instead of trying to juggle all three.  It's a lot of work to get three kids (one in a car seat) in and out of the car for every little errand that needs to be run. 

Still, she's growing up so fast and I am very grateful for the chance to be with her.  I had a wonderful time with her this summer and am already looking forward to next.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I figured it out!

Lately, I've been struggling with wanting some alone time.  I've gotten out of the house alone a couple of times in the last 2 weeks, but it doesn't seem like it's enough.  I really just want to have a good 4-5 hours, in my house, doing what I want.... no interruptions.  I struggle with this, because it doesn't make sense.  The children have quiet time during the day and they do go to sleep at a very reasonable hour at night.  My husband travels for work, so I have opportunities to be alone then.  So why do I feel like I constantly have some one around, watching me?  The answer is simple, because I do!

My kids have 1-2 hours of quiet time every afternoon during the baby's nap.  Which should be plenty of time for me to accomplish what I need or to just relax.  Unfortunately I end up chasing one or both of them back to their rooms every 20 minutes or so.  Therefore, it is virtually impossible to get anything done, take a nap or even just sit in silence.

Even when my husband's out of town and the kids are in bed, I am the ever vigilant ninja waiting for a child to try and escape their room.  I expect the mild heart attack caused by a little face at 3AM.  I expect the relentless advances to break down my defenses that prevent children from sleeping in my bed.  And even when I relent and let them stay in my bed I end up getting poked, jabbed and kicked all night, culminating in the ever predictable 5:30AM call for breakfast.

So other than the rare excursion away from the house, I am NEVER alone.  There is always the opportunity for some one to talk, touch, beg, ask, annoy, whine or love on me.  The other night, my husband and I were watching a movie and I practically jumped through my skin as I caught a glimpse of my daughter's profile out of the corner of my eye.  I've been surprised by a cute little face popping in the shower, I don't know how many times.  I've slammed bathroom doors on cute little toes and slept on the floor next to their beds to prevent giant hippos from eating them (I don't know where they thought of that).

The reason I feel like I never have any alone time is because I am on guard, 24/7, waiting for whatever they may come up with next.  It could be a book they want to read, a movie they want to watch, some one may have touched some one else, or they may just be lonely and want a hug.  Whatever the reason I feel I must be prepared to act and act now.   I am never truly off duty. 

Even when I do get away, I feel guilty about it.  My husband works hard all day.  It's not like he's out golfing or fishing.  When he's not at work, he's at home with us.  Why should he have to stay and face the continuous onslaught alone? 

Really I think I would be OK if I could just get the kids to stay in their rooms during quiet time.  I am currently in the process of designing a reward/punishment discipline to make "quiet time" more quiet.  I've got my fingers crossed!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Getting SAHM tough

What happens when Mom is out of commission?  It's easy to say that my husband could just stay home and help me out, but sometimes he really needs to be at work or is out of town.  When I was working I was always weary of asking my husband to miss work to take care of sick kids, but now that I stay home I am even more weary of it.  I feel like it is my job to take care of the house and children, so he shouldn't ever have to miss work, even for me.  I feel like it looks really bad for him to miss work now that I stay home.  His wife is home; why should he be?

Unfortunately, my feet have seriously hurt for the last 5 months.  I thought it was just due to some extreme swelling I had during pregnancy, but apparently I have bone spurs and plantar fasciitis.  For the most part I can function; I just have excruciating pain every time and stand up.  Usually it goes away, but sometimes it lasts all day and it always comes back after I've been sitting for a while.  Today, I finally went to the doctor and got a cortisone shot in both heels.  I feel bad because in order to go, my husband stayed home with the kids.  While my feet already feel a little better, I have some weird pain and sensations and really don't want to walk too much.  But I don't want to my husband to miss work even more.

So now I'm trying to take care of three kids with limited mobility.  This is the part that makes being a SAHM difficult.  When I was working, the kids could be at daycare most of the day when I was sick; making it easier to relax and get better.  Now, I have the kids no matter what.  I've always prided myself on being pretty tough, but now I'm going to have to get tougher!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

What do I want to do?

I was asked recently  by my husband and a former co-worker if I was thinking of going back to work.  I'm not sure what my husband's motives for that were (ha ha), but I think they were both afraid I was not content being a SAHM.  Honestly, I haven't thought at all about going back to work.  The transition from two to three kids has been a lot more intense than I thought it would be.  There really is no way to describe it, other than it's hard.  Even with my oldest being 7, it's hard to find time to get anything done.  I can't imagine going back to work. 

But it did get me thinking, what would I want to do?  I can't go back to the job I had; a person can only postdoc for so long.  And to be honest, I don't really miss it that much.  I miss the people I worked with, but I don't miss the stress or even job itself.  That's difficult for me to wrap my brain around.  I loved my job.  I can't decide if I'm not interested in research anymore or if I'm too afraid to try again. 

The lab I worked in has been trying to get a paper published for quite some time and it keeps getting rejected.  It's very disheartening.  I don't take rejection well and I have  had more than my fair share.  I spent years working on the data in that paper and I think the information is important.  In my 13 years of doing research I have never had an easy time getting a paper published.  My first experiences were quite harsh with some reviewers who were just down-right cruel.  I learned that publishing is as much who you know as it is what you know.  If someone doesn't want you to publish because they don't like one of the people on your paper or you're going to 'scoop' them, it's not going to be published. 

I've had reviews ranging from, "You don't know what you're talking about", to "Great paper, just not right for this journal" on the same paper.  It's confusing to say the least.  One person will say the information is great, the next will say it's the worst they've ever seen.  I think I have had enough experience with the whole reviewing process, to just be done with it all. 

If I go back to work it will be in a completely different area.  It's a shame to go to school for so long and rack up all those student loans, just to quit.  At some point I have to realize that it's me and not them.  Either way I feel like a failure.  As a SAHM I get to hug my kids all day and when they turn out fabulous I can take 95% of the credit!