More or Less?

Transitioning from being a working mom to a SAHM has been an exercise in balance.  For me, being a working mom meant having more money and less time with the family.  Staying home has meant less money and more time with the family.  Oddly enough staying home has also meant less time for me.  When I was working I felt like I had more control over what I did all day long.  Currently I feel like my life revolves around everyone else's needs and wants.  Not that my life should revolve around me, but it would be nice to have some control over my day.  I know some of the imbalance comes from having a third child.  A baby requires a lot of attention and your schedule is dictated by them.  But when what's left of my life is dictated by the rest of my family it's just too much.  Some days it feels like the walls are closing in around me and there is no escape. 

It has been very tricky to maintain the balance between household duties and family.  For example, today I was finally able to get all the stuff laying around the house put away and was able to sweep and vacuum.  My house finally felt clean.  I felt great getting all that done, but I feel like I ignored the kids all day; even though I took them to the library, read them books and just spent some good quality time with them.  Reciprocally, when I spend most of the day playing with the kids I feel guilty that I haven't done more around the house.  It's ridiculous.  I'm my own boss and I'm dissatisfied with my job performance.  What is wrong with me?

While I have less time and patience, I do have more mess.  It is unreal what my children can do to a house in one day.  They have always been good at making a mess, but now that they are home all day everyday, it is out of control.  When I go upstairs to nurse the baby, I just pray that the house will still be in one piece when I'm done.  The other day there were literally toys littering every surface of the house.  No room was spared!  There were blankets hanging off doors, crayons on the floor and stuffed animals all over the place.  I stepped on cars, doll clothes and found Play-Dough in places no one should ever find Play-Dough.  And somehow they managed to do all that BEFORE quiet time.  I managed to get the kids to clean it all up, but it looked just as bad by the next afternoon.

I am working on finding a balance that works for my family and me.  Progress has been made, but there is a lot of work left to be done.