About Me

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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Monday, March 18, 2013

A happy morning with the kids

There is no better way to start a morning then with happy children.  Lovely, happy children who say, "yes" to whatever you ask, get along with one another and aren't late for school.  That almost happened this morning.  Everyone woke up cheerful and was ready to start the day.  Everyone was dressed, enjoying some funny conversation at the breakfast table as they ate their doughnuts (don't judge me) and drank their milk.  No one complained about brushing their teeth or getting shoes on.  It was a fantastic morning.  And then just as I was about to get everyone in the car to get my daughter to school early I noticed a terrible odor coming from the baby.  I checked, and there was indeed a yucky mess in her diaper.  But that's not a problem.  I've literally changed thousands of diapers in my life and this would only take a second and my daughter would still get to school early.

What I didn't notice until I was half way up the stairs was that there was poop oozing out the top of the diaper.  That's never a good sign.  So I braced for a bad one.  By the time I got to the changing table an ample amount of smelly excrement had made it's way onto her cute pink pants.  It was only after I got her pants off that I realized it was not only coming out the top, but out the legs of the diaper.  There was literally foul, brown goo covering the entire diaper, inside and out.  Even the tape tabs had poop under them.  I braced for a really, really bad one.

As I was carefully making a pile of soiled clothing next to me, I realized the funny wet feeling I had on my leg was not water from the wash cloth I used to clean the table, but was indeed poop, that had leaked out my daughter's pants and onto my pants.  There was a fair amount.   I used a wipe and quickly cleaned as much off as I could before it dripped on the floor.  Upon further assessment of the situation, I decided a bath was the only logical way to go.  So I was on my hands and knees, trying to clean a screaming baby while I tried to forget the 8 inch glob of diarrhea eating it's way through my pants onto my leg.

I got the baby out of the tub, dried her off, put on new clothes, brushed her hair and hurried to my room to change my pants.  Where I noticed there was poop on my brand new shoes as well.  The baby was on the floor crying because I wasn't holding her, when my son came in and said, "Mom!  What are you doing in your underpants?!"  And when I explained what happened, he just laughed at me.  My oldest daughter wanted to see what the fuss was about and joined my son's celebration by saying, "Ha, ha, you got poop on you!"  It was a real bonding moment for all of us.

So, what started out as a glorious, on-time morning turned into a rushed get in the car, you're going to be late morning.  My daughter wasn't late, however, and everyone was still being kind to one another.  So it could have been worse.  Like I could have come home and realized there was a trail of poop leading from the kitchen to the baby's room like a seriously messed up Hansel and Gretel bread crumb trail.  And she could have had another accident ruining another cute outfit and another changing table pad.

If I were counting, not that I keep track, I would say my husband now owes me 10,100 diaper changes.  Just for today.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Advanced Baby

My little baby is advanced.  I know everyone says it, but it's true in my case.  My daughter is obsessed with the wipes container in the diaper bag.  No, that's not what makes her advanced.  What makes her advanced is her dogged determination to get to the wipes.  All day long I try to figure out how to keep her away from the diaper bag.  I know I can put it in a closet or something, but then I'll just forget it and not having a diaper and gold fish handy always turns out bad.  So, I like to keep the diaper bag where I can see it as a reminder to take it along.  Unfortunately, she can get to the diaper bag if it's high up, she finds it if it's under a coat or hidden behind her car seat, she can even unzip the thing.  The craziest part is she knows she's not supposed to get into it.  I've watched her.  She's like a dog sniffing at the Thanksgiving turkey.  She slowly approaches the bag, pretends to be interested in some other toy while she scans the room for onlookers, and when she's sure no one is looking she stealthily reaches in and takes out the wipes.  Normally I just say, "No" in my stern mom voice, she drops the wipes, shakes her head like she's been hit by an anvil and pretends she has no idea what I'm talking about.  Now that's advanced.  She's already figured out how to play innocent.  Yesterday, however, when I caught her pulling a string of wipes from the container, after I had zipped the diaper bag and hidden it under our coats, she just smiled at me with her mouth full of white fluffiness.  Now that's super advanced! She's figured out that there is no point in playing innocent when her mouth is full of evidence and has gone to the "innocent by reason of cuteness" defense.  Man, she's going to be trouble.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Brain Damage

The other day I was in the kitchen and I suddenly heard, "THWAK" followed by 3 seconds of silence and then the tell-tale wale of a baby that's just knocked her head against the floor.  It's awful and happens all the time.  My baby is at the age where she is a bigger threat to herself than any uncovered outlet could ever be.  She's crawling pretty well now and has started to really pull herself up. She can get up the one step in our living room that goes to the kitchen and that has given her the confidence to try and climb everything in the living room.  All day long I watch as she raises her right knee onto a 10 inch high stool and wait in terror for the inevitable sock slip and THWAK.  It's not like I don't try to stop her, but even though it appears to be happening in slow motion, it actually happens at the speed of light and I don't seem to be able to get to her fast enough.  It doesn't help to take the stools out of the room either because then she'll try to climb the fireplace hearth, her toy basket, or the couch, all of which are higher than the stool and result in much louder THWAKs.

My other two children did the same thing and I don't think they have brain damage.  Although.... my son will jump down five steps onto a hard marble floor, land basically on is head, jump up shake his head like a cartoon character that's just had an anvil fall on them, smile at me and say, "I'm fine, Mommy.  I'm a super hero".  He might have brain damage.  And I can be standing in the bathroom with my oldest daughter, ask her to brush her hair; she'll say, "Sure mom" and then proceed out the bathroom door.  I'll holler after her saying, "honey, brush your hair."  She'll look me in the eye and say, "I did".  Then I'll shake my head like a cartoon character hit by an anvil.  She might have brain damage too.

Tomorrow I'm covering the floor in mattresses.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Practice Makes Patience

It finally happened.  After 3 years of school I was able to sit at the kitchen table and calmly go over my daughter's homework with her.  And not just any homework; math homework.  At least I was able to stay calm.  My daughter was not so appreciative at my attempts to help her.  She has shunned numbers since her early days in preschool.  I think she's perfectly capable of doing math, we just haven't figured out her learning style.  I've been working on a few ideas to try and help her and decided to implement them tonight.  Unfortunately, my daughter was not overly receptive and after a break down on her part and a little time to calm down she did it and I think maybe understood the concepts a little better.

What was really exciting for me was that my husband was there to watch the miracle take place.  He watched me stay calm as my poor daughter struggled to understand.  Normally, when my daughter is having difficulties I get very frustrated and get angry when she yells at me out of her frustration.  Tonight I was able to just listen.  There was no boiling blood, no ringing ears and no raised voices.  I was able to comfort her in her confusion and it was wonderful.  By staying calm I was able to figure out what was wrong and help her feel better about herself.  That never would have been possible if I was still working.  It's seems odd but  having to deal with my children all day, every day has taught me to calm down.  It's taken a whole year, but I've finally figured out that it's not personal and there is no point in getting angry.  It just makes everything more difficult

The best part, was when it was all over she looked at me and said, "You're the best Mommy in the whole world."  I wish that were true.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Losing the baby weight

Woo hoo!  I've finally gotten some weight off.  For almost 3 weeks I've managed to not eat sugar-goodies and I've had no snacks.  I'm not going to lie, it hasn't been easy and I'm hungry... a lot.  But I'm down 7 pounds!  Only 13 to go.  I hope I can keep up the will power long enough to lose all 13 pounds.  It won't be easy; I have visions of Snickers trailed by cookies-n-cream ice cream dancing through my head all day long.  It's so hard being home, where I can eat anything I want, whenever I want.  At least when I was working, I couldn't eat because I was too busy.  Most of the time I only had 15 minute lunches.  It's not safe to eat in a lab, so I wasn't snacking and I was on my feet all day.  I'm still on my feet all day, but instead of walking by a chemical cabinet filled with toxic substances, I walk by a fully stocked pantry about 50 times everyday.

I've also tried to eat more "fat burning" foods.  I read about it in Reader's Digest.  The magazine has printed stories in several issues about people who have followed their diet plan and had great results.  Really it's nothing I haven't heard before, but it's awesome to read about people's transformations.  Unfortunately the foods that are supposed to help you lose weight are things like yogurt, nuts and fish.  These are not foods I dislike, but they certainly aren't in my top 50.  I've tried to incorporate some of them into my daily diet.  The best has been a morning smoothie that I saw in one of the issues.  It's not bad.  It has strawberries, peanut butter, yogurt and even cocoa powder.  Maybe it's working.  Only time will tell.