What do I want to do?

I was asked recently  by my husband and a former co-worker if I was thinking of going back to work.  I'm not sure what my husband's motives for that were (ha ha), but I think they were both afraid I was not content being a SAHM.  Honestly, I haven't thought at all about going back to work.  The transition from two to three kids has been a lot more intense than I thought it would be.  There really is no way to describe it, other than it's hard.  Even with my oldest being 7, it's hard to find time to get anything done.  I can't imagine going back to work. 

But it did get me thinking, what would I want to do?  I can't go back to the job I had; a person can only postdoc for so long.  And to be honest, I don't really miss it that much.  I miss the people I worked with, but I don't miss the stress or even job itself.  That's difficult for me to wrap my brain around.  I loved my job.  I can't decide if I'm not interested in research anymore or if I'm too afraid to try again. 

The lab I worked in has been trying to get a paper published for quite some time and it keeps getting rejected.  It's very disheartening.  I don't take rejection well and I have  had more than my fair share.  I spent years working on the data in that paper and I think the information is important.  In my 13 years of doing research I have never had an easy time getting a paper published.  My first experiences were quite harsh with some reviewers who were just down-right cruel.  I learned that publishing is as much who you know as it is what you know.  If someone doesn't want you to publish because they don't like one of the people on your paper or you're going to 'scoop' them, it's not going to be published. 

I've had reviews ranging from, "You don't know what you're talking about", to "Great paper, just not right for this journal" on the same paper.  It's confusing to say the least.  One person will say the information is great, the next will say it's the worst they've ever seen.  I think I have had enough experience with the whole reviewing process, to just be done with it all. 

If I go back to work it will be in a completely different area.  It's a shame to go to school for so long and rack up all those student loans, just to quit.  At some point I have to realize that it's me and not them.  Either way I feel like a failure.  As a SAHM I get to hug my kids all day and when they turn out fabulous I can take 95% of the credit!