The Screaming Baby

Have you ever been in a store and heard the screams of a child echoing throughout the entire building?  If you have, it's probably me and my youngest.  That girl has some lungs!  And if she doesn't want to be there, the whole store knows about it.  And rarely does she want to be there.  My two oldest almost never acted up in a store.  The few times they did, we were able to whisk them out.  I don't always have that luxury anymore.  When I wasn't 'that' mom, I used to think things like, "Why doesn't she take that kid out of here?" or "Doesn't that bother the parents?".  Now that I have first-hand experience I can tell you the answers are, "It's complicated," and "Yes!".

I'll start with the second question.  Of course it bothers me.  I hate taking my screaming child through a store.  It annoys me and I'm sure it annoys others.  It used to embarrass me, but I've learned to ignore it and get done what I came to do.

The answer to the first question gets a bit more complicated.  Our youngest has something of a temper and if she doesn't get her way, she screams.  We've worked on it.  We've done time out, tried to ignore it and when possible removed her from the situation.  We almost never eat out because we don't know what she'll do.  The problem comes when it is just me.  I don't go to stores to shop for fun.  There's no loafing around or window shopping.  I go to get what I need and get out.  I know I should take her out when she starts up, but we have to eat.  My husband travels a lot, so I often go to the store with one or all of my kids.

At one point my son had strep throat when my husband was out of town.  I had to take both him and the baby to the doctor's office.  I was prepared with games and snacks and she did pretty well.  When it was time to go the to store to get his medicine, however, she was done and wanted to go home.  She wailed the entire time we were in Target.  My son was half asleep in the big section of the cart, looking pitiful, while she was screaming like a banshee in the front seat of the cart.  I looked like a terrible mom; dragging my obviously ill son through a store while my  toddler's cries echo through the store.  But my son needed his medicine.  I wasn't going to wait, so my only option was to take them into the store.

People stared at me as if to say, "Do something.  Why aren't you trying to make the kid happy?"  I don't try to make her happy because I can't.  Nothing short of getting her home can make that child happy, so I don't try.  I keep my head up and ignore the ear piercing noise as best I can.  I have no idea how to stop this behavior.  I'm hoping that as she gets older, I'll be able to reason with her better and she'll understand that there are consequences for her actions.  Right now, she's too young to understand.  Just another thing I have to look forward to.

Fatherhood 303

After three children parenting is bound to change.  My husband is pretty much the same dad he was with our first child, but occasionally he surprises me.  Our children were given cookies this Sunday after Sunday school and our son dropped a piece on the ground.  Being four and properly trained in not wasting food, he promptly picked it up and ate it.  To which my husband said...and I quote.... "Don't eat things off the ground."  My son responded with, "But I blew all the hair off."  To which my husband replied, "It's OK to do that at home, but not in public.  Only eat food off the floor at home."

First of all to hear my husband tell my son to eat off the floor is crazy.  I never, ever thought I would hear something like that come from him.  Second of all, my husband thinks our floors are clean enough to eat off of!  That makes me feel good.

Treating Them Differently

I always knew it was common for people to treat their second child differently than their first.  It makes sense.  You have more experience and less time.  I didn't realize just how differently we've treated our kids until a recent trip to the beach.  Our family loves the beach.  My kids are total beach bums.  They would spend all day every day at the beach if we would let them.  All of our kids first saw the ocean when they were about 18 months old, and all three practically jumped in.  They loved the waves crashing into them even when the water splashed in their face.

When she was three, my oldest got to spend about 3 days at the beach and it was difficult to get her to leave.  She loved to go in the water and we made sure one of us was with her every second.  The first time my son went he was far more interested in playing in a dirt hole than anything else and we let our oldest hang out in the water by herself as long as the water didn't get above her ankles.

During our most recent trip we let our oldest and our 4 year old son just go in the water.  At one point the waves were going over their heads and while we were near them, we weren't close enough to grab them up should they get pulled under!  And the baby was allowed to sit in the water without us holding onto her.  We were next to her the whole time just not on top of her.

It's crazy how the baby is getting an almost completely different upbringing.  The important stuff has stayed the same.  We expect her to say please and thank you and to be nice, but she gets to eat way more junk food than the other two did and is allowed to get a lot dirtier.  We also expect more from her.  I was laughing at my husband the other day because he was talking to her like she was a 10 year old; explaining why he expected her to behave a certain way and giving her detailed instructions on how to throw her lunch trash away.  That's right, our 17 month old can throw her lunch trash away.  

It's funny to think back at how stringent we were about food and toys and TV.  Our oldest didn't even get a french fry until she was 3 and almost never watched TV.  The baby loves it.  We never had anything against french fries.   We didn't want them to be the only thing she would eat, so we put off letting her try one.  We have since learned that we control what our kids eat, not them and letting them have a few french fries every now and again is not going to stop them from eating green beans.

As far as the TV goes, we still don't let the kids watch too much TV.  They probably watch more than they should, but we have three kids.  Sometimes the only way I can get dinner made in less than 2 hours is to turn it on.  I don't feel bad about that.  50 years ago, if you needed the kids to leave you alone, you'd just send them outside.  That's not really something we feel comfortable doing now.  We are still very picky about what the kids watch especially if the baby is watching.  Some things have to change as our family changes.  They important things like love don't change.

The Sound of Quiet

I didn't realize just how wonderful quiet is until school started.  My daughter is out all day and my son has started pre-kindergarten.  That only leaves the baby and as long as she's not hungry, she's pretty quiet.  From about 8AM until 12:30PM my house is loud with quiet.  It's almost deafening.  My husband worked from home two days this week and he noticed it also.  It's a strange feeling to suddenly have no "noise".  You can actually hear other sounds, like rain, birds, the wind in the trees (my favorite) and you can even hear yourself think.  A-Mazing!

It almost makes me nervous.  The noise always told me the kids were alive and hadn't broken any bones.  Now I have to remind myself that they aren't home and the quiet is not an indication that they're making an atom bomb.

The best part is that I can hear my baby.  She gets drowned out so easily when the other two are around; except of course for when she screaches at the sound of shattering glass.  She hasn't done that all week!  It's been great getting to play with her uninterrupted.  She has a sweet personality and loves books, music and singing.  She sings all day long.  I never noticed that before.  I love the quiet.

Advice for Moms of Three

Listen to me all women who have had three children!  (This may also be true for women with one or two)  Never and I mean never jump on a trampoline.  Your bladder is just not going to hold up.  All that wiggling and jiggling will cause leakage to happen.  Now I was lucky;  I relieved myself prior to jumping, but that didn't help much.  Oh well, lesson learned and hopefully you can learn from my experiences.  

Patience Problem

My baby is going through a phase where she just screams if she wants anything. I'm really not sure how this came about, but it's annoying. She knows how to use sign language if she wants food or a bottle and we've always been good at paying attention to her signals for play or sleepiness. But now, if she wants anything she screams like a rhesus monkey. It's just "ah, eeh, eeh". And if we don't respond fast enough it becomes a really loud, "eeeeeheeeheeahhhhhh."  Sometimes picking her up to comfort her does no good and she'll just sit with you and scream. It's like she doesn't even know why she's doing it.

Practice makes patience and my husband and I have become quite good at staying calm when our children are having these kinds of meltdowns. We usually manage to keep our cool and try to help calm the irrational child. Sometimes it works, sometimes they end up screaming in their rooms while I eat chocolate and my husband sits in his chair with his eyes closed.

Anyway, the baby was having one of these episodes last night and my husband and I were very patiently holding her, talking to her, trying to figure out what was wrong, and I began to wonder if we were doing the right thing by being so patient? Not that we should be yelling or punishing her in any way. But is there a point where too much patience can hurt a child? Our other two kids went through semi-similar phases, mainly at 2 o'clock in the morning. For them, my husband and I just sucked it up for a few nights and let them cry for 20-30 minutes before they finally decided to go back to sleep. It only took 2-3 nights and it was all over and now they sleep through the night 99.9% of the time. I wonder if we had been more "patient" with their behavior and gotten up and cuddled them and helped them back to sleep, would we still be dealing with sleeplessness 7 years later?

I'm not sure what to do with the baby now. She isn't crying in the middle of the night, she's just crying. There doesn't appear to be any obvious pain or lack of attention. I wonder if we stopped running to her rescue if she would quit screaming so much. The idea of letting her sit and cry is quite horrific to me. Her cute little face all twisted with the pain of knowing no one is coming to make her feel better. But maybe it would be the best thing we could do.

One Year Anniversary

365 days of being a SAHM and I'm ready for 365 more!  If this last week has taught me anything, it's that I am extremely blessed to be able to stay home and take care of my family.  If I had to worry about work on top of everything else that was going on, I would have lost my mind.  It hasn't been easy and I've struggled with and still struggle with issues like my identity and finding time for me, but it's totally worth it.  I had the time and ability to take my children to the doctor and focus only on them without worrying about what I was missing at work.  

I have to admit that these days I do tend to wear sloppy, sweat/work out pants at home.  However, I change into more presentable clothing before leaving the house (usually) and I shower daily.  While my house isn't exactly as clean as I would like, that's really because I don't want to clean.  My son and I have managed to get through 12 letters of the alphabet.  He can identify all 12 and write most of them.  He's learned to cut, draw and has learned concepts such as same, different and opposite.  All because I taught him.  And that feels pretty good.  I was concerned that he would really be missing out and while he has not learned as much as he would had we kept him in Primrose, I feel like he's still learning.

My husband is happy with the arrangement and has been great about putting up with my freak outs.  I think the kids are happy.  I'm concerned that my oldest finds me less interesting and thinks of me as "just" a mom.  My son likes being home with me, but I think would really like more play time with friends his age.  The baby just loves me, so I think that's working out great.  Time has gone much faster with her than the other two, so I'm very grateful to have been able to really see her grow.

My first year as a SAHM was interesting.  I lost my job, had a baby, dealt with countless illnesses and lost our dog.  I'm not sure what year 2 has in store for me, but I say, "bring it on!"

Food for Baby

I like to cook.  I find it relaxing, challenging and satisfying all at the same time.  Being home has allowed me to expand my repertoire.  I can take 3 hours to make dinner or start a roast that will take 6 hours - on a work day!  It's awesome.  I have time to look up recipes and try new things.  I even have extra time to experiment with the baby's food.

I started making my own baby food with our first daughter because we were super poor and I could make her food much cheaper than I could buy it.  I continued that with our son and had a lot of fun trying to keep his menu interesting.  Now that our baby has gotten big enough to really try some food I've had fun breaking out of the norm and expanding her palate.  When she first started solid foods one of her favorite "dishes" was when I steamed carrots and apples and then chopped them up together in the food processor.  I know it sounds weird, but she just loved it.  I tried it and it wasn't bad.  Peas and apples are pretty good together too.  Then for some reason she started not liking carrots at all.  That was until I switched from steaming to roasting.  She went absolutely crazy.  And when I added roasted zucchini, sweet potatoes and yellow squash, she got really excited.

She has currently moved past the smashed peas, green beans, etc and is chomping on big bits of food.  She loved when I cored some apples and roasted them for about 10 min.  It made them nice and soft and even caramelized them a little.  The best part was how well they stayed fresh.  Tonight she enjoyed some broccoli with a touch of butter and Parmesan.  I'm not sure where we're headed next, but I know it will be tasty.

I can't be there for everything

I missed it.  I missed my son's first soccer game.  Admittedly, he's three and it's the YMCA indoor league, but it was still a big deal to him.  He will likely  never remember that it happened and he most likely will not remember that I wasn't there.  But I know I wasn't, and that hurts a little.  I don't think I've missed any event like that in my kid's lives.  It's a sad reality that a parent can't see everything.  Not all events are important to me, but they are to the kids.  I want them to remember that I was there.

I was missing for a good reason.  There was a special event at the Adventure Science Museum and my daughter really wanted to go.  My husband and I decided it wasn't fair for her to miss the event, so he took our son to soccer and I took the girls to the museum.

I suppose that's going to happen more often now that we have three kids and our son is getting older.  We're used to following our oldest around and now it's time for the second oldest to start participating in activities.  I can't imagine how hard it will be when we have to juggle the activities of three kids.  I think just having three in school could be a challenge.  In order to fend off the inevitable craziness, my husband and I have decided to "protect" our Sunday afternoons and evenings.  We are going to purposefully plan our lives so our whole family will be home every Sunday afternoon and evening.  I don't know how long we'll be successful, but it's worth a try.

On a happier note, my husband and I both got to see our baby crawl for the first time.  I saw our oldest and he saw our son.  It was a nice treat to get to experience that moment with him.  Now she's mobile.  Let the adventure begin!

Why I can't lose the baby weight!

It rained this morning.  It rained a lot this morning.  Fortunately that made it possible to check the work the roofers did earlier in the week.  Unfortunately, it revealed that they didn't do a good enough job, as there was water dripping from my ceiling.  That wasn't too bad.  I called the roofer and the owner personally came over and took care of the problem.  

While I was getting towels and buckets to try and minimize the mess, I was also trying to get my oldest ready for school.  I love my daughter.  She's fantastic, but she's about as fast as frozen molasses.  It took FOREVER to get her dressed.  Then, my son woke up soaked in pee.  It was everywhere.  He starts sleeping in his bed and eventually ends up on the floor, so his sheets, blankets, stuffed toys and carpet smelled of 4 hour old urine.  That, coupled with my daughter's snail-like qualities lead to her eating breakfast on the way to school, with me having no breakfast at all.  

I needed to go to the grocery store right after dropping my daughter off because I had an appointment later in the afternoon that I could not miss and we were desperate for the 6 things on the list.  Of course, as soon as I got my daughter to school, I realized I forgot the list.  I decided to go back to get it because we really needed everything and I didn't want to forget a thing.  I got the list and off we went on our 15 minute journey to the grocery store.  

As soon as I parked, I realized I forgot my wallet.  So we drove all the way home to get my wallet because we really needed the groceries.  30 minutes later we're finally at the grocery store.  I have to get everyone out in the pouring rain.  We jog inside and as soon as I get the baby in the grocery cart, I realize she has pooped all the way up her back!  Needless to say, as soon as I got home I nearly polished off a package of double stuffed Oreos.  And that's why I can't lose the baby weight.

I have seen my future

I have seen my future and I'm very optimistic.  The last week and a half we have had the pleasure of hosting my sister-in-law and her family which consists of her funny husband and three kids.  She is the proud mom of a 15 year old young man, a nearly 13 year old young lady (yikes!) and an 11 year old boy.  She doesn't have to change their diapers, or wipe their faces (usually), or help them get dressed.  While they like her and do want some attention from her they don't clasp to her leg like she could disappear at any moment.  While they fight with one another and don't always clean up their mess, they are very well mannered and are very polite to adults; even aunts who taunt and poke at them (hee hee).  It was very nice to see that my days of butt wiping, nose wiping, vomit catching and potty training will end.


While there is light at the end of the tunnel, I did see new challenges on the horizon.  Acne, attitude (13 year old girl attitude) and size just to name a few.  My 11 year old nephew is super STRONG!  If he got mad enough at his sister, he could do some real damage.  Luckily for her, her brothers have been well raised and do not hit her as hard as they can.  


My oldest nephew will be getting his driver's permit soon.  I like to think I could teach my kids to drive, but I don't know.  It's got to be hard to separate who you knew the child to be at 8 or 9 from the young adult they are at 16.  I know my parents still have a tendency to treat me like I was still the crazy, fly-by-the-seat of my pants teen I used to be.  If my son continues with his dare-devil ways, he's never going to drive.


All-in-all it was a great visit and I was very happy to see that a mother of three can survive and the children can grow up to be calmer, less whiny and potty trained! 

I'm Back Baby!

Oh yeah baby... I'm back.  After months of barely being able to move, crippling foot pain, peeing every 20 minutes and making snails look fast, I finally feel human again.  I have been feeling weird all week because I haven't been visiting the restroom enough.  The last couple of weeks I have been working out and this Monday I was able to give 150% on the elliptical.  The sweaty grossness felt awesome!  My son and I had a great 20 minute wrestling match after a 5 month break and to top it all off I was able to lay out on the floor, on my stomach, and reach all the way under the couch, to retrieve a long-flung pacifier.  I still have some weight to lose, but it feels so great to get back to my old self.

The best part is the lack of stress.  I'm not saying it's not tough to be home with three kids all day, but I don't have to worry about what I'm missing at work, or what I'm going to have to do to catch up at work.  The stress I have at home is the only stress in my life.  If I had to go back to work in 4 weeks, I would be losing my mind.  Juggling our home life and work would be incredibly overwhelming for me.  I love that I can spend time with each of my kids.  If I had to work I would only have about 3-4 hours total each night and I would be making dinner, trying to get baths taken and piano practiced in that time.  Now I have all day to get my job done and play with the kids.  It's great.

That just happened

What I am about to write is the truth; 100% the truth.  No exagerating. 

Last night I saw one of the craziest things I have ever seen.  If I hadn't been there to see it myself I probably would not believe it happened it all. 

In the 16 days since my precious little girl was born she has yet to make a real big mess.  She doesn't spit up and her diapers don't leak.   

My family and I decided to go out for frozen yogurt.  My husband did not want any so he stayed outside with the baby while the rest of us went in to get some yummy, yogurty goodness.  We then joined him outside on the benches to eat the yogurt.  I was standing next to my parents when I looked over at my husband and saw something dripping from the car seat.  I thought to myself, "huh, why is there something dripping from the car seat?"  I then asked my husband the same question, who immediately started to investigate the source of the drip.

Turns out the source was a leaking diaper from an absolutely passed out baby.  We all braced for what was to come next because a couple of drips started to become a steady stream.  And it just kept coming and coming.  It's hard to believe that one little baby could possibly hold that much poop.  I don't know how many people have had the pleasure of cleaning up a diaper explosion out in public, but it is an interesting experience.  I personally have had the pleasure about four times.  I grabbed the wipes and extra outfit from the diaper bag, my mom grabbed a bunch of napkins from the yogurt shop and my husband bagan to gingerly unbelt the baby from the car seat.  I prepared to grab the poop covered baby from my husband. 

This is where it gets interesting.

He took the baby out and I went to gingerly take her when suddenly, I noticed there was no poop on the baby!  She was totally clean!  I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper and there was a little mess, but it wasn't bad at all.  I was relieved to see that she had escaped the mess, but was very concerned about the car seat.  They aren't exactly easy to clean.  We went back outside and I went over to my husband to inspect the damage.  Remarkably there was NO MESS!  Turns out the poop leaked out of the diaper and went straight down the hole where the seat belt threads through and down onto the sidewalk.  Totally crazy!  The seat belt was a little dirty and a little bit of the plastic needed to be cleaned.  That's it!  It took 4 or 5 cups of water to clean off the sidewalk, but there was nothing on the car seat!  It was incredible.

Seriously, I'm only one person!

My daughter's last day of school before summer and I dropped her off in my pajamas.  I almost made it to the end of the year, but today I just could not get ready in time.  Thank goodness my dad was with us because we actually got her to school a few minutes late and she needed to be signed in.  Normally I would have no problems going into the school in my PJs, but the school was having their 5th grade graduation this morning and I would have had to walk through all the parents and grandparents who were there for the ceremony.  While I totally would have done it I'm afraid it would have really embarrassed my daughter and my husband if he were to find out.  Even my father, who NEVER gets embarrassed about anything,  seemed to be upset about my mismatched robe and PJ attire.

It's not that I couldn't have gotten ready.  In fact if I had ignored the things that I needed to do and just focused on what everyone else needed I would have had plenty of time.  Unfortunately, I have mastitis and I HAD to pump after feeding the baby.  Unfortunately, that made it impossible to turn the TV to the channel that my son wanted, to help my daughter get her stuff ready for school and of course impossible to put some clothes on; that is if I wanted to eat and go to the bathroom.  I could have gotten up earlier, but last night was rough between the baby fussing and the dog vomiting everywhere, I just didn't get much sleep and the idea of getting up at 6 was just not appealing.  As it was, I rushed through breakfast and barely got my son and daughter dressed before it was time to go.  I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed.  I have time to get done what I need to do, but I have no time to get anything done for me.  I've even been interrupted while writing this no less than 5 times.  I guess that's just the life of a SAHM.  Unfortunately It's very frustrating and I am not the best person I can be when I'm frustrated.

I felt really good yesterday.  I managed to get some areas of the house cleaned up and even got some errands done.  But it wasn't enough.  I feel like to make everyone happy I needed to have done more.  But I am just one person.  I can't do everything that everyone wants.  I can't do everything that I want.

I know it's selfish to want to do something for myself, but sometimes there are things that I have to do.  I need to learn how to balance or I'm going to be one angry mama.