About Me

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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Why does it never happen to HIM!

The story I am about to tell is not unknown to millions of parents around the world.  Poopy, wet, smelly things happen to everyone, but in my house it just doesn't seem to happen to my husband.  It's like the children wait for him to be gone.  Of course, it may just be my imagination and underlying martyr syndrome that makes me feel this way, but it really doesn't ever seem to happen to my husband... at least not all at the same time.

First, my baby pooped her pants.  No big deal really.  It literally happens all the time.  This one was a little smellier than usual, but no big deal.  As I was starting to take care of it, my newly potty-trained son came in and announced that he not only peed his pants, but also pooped in his pants.  Again, it's not like this sort of thing hasn't happened before, but he was in underwear.  Yuk!  So, I finished with the baby and went with my son to his room so he could show me where the mess was and we could get his pants, socks and underwear off.

Unfortunately, I placed the freshly changed baby right on top of the biggest wet spot!  I then proceeded to carefully take the soiled 'Mater' underwear off my son.  Truly a fun job when the whole time he's trying to get out of them as fast as possible, and I'm trying to keep the poop in the underwear and off the floor and his legs.  I got to rinse the underwear out in the toilet; always my favorite job and then throw the boy in the tub for a good cleaning.  Once that was done, I got to change the baby out of her pee covered onesie, into something a little dryer and a lot less smelly.

And then I went to make lunch!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Frustration... you are my Everest

I don't know what it is, but I am extremely susceptible to frustration.  I don't mean normal frustration that normal people seem to experience when a jar won't open or when they encounter a traffic jam.  My frustration can be caused by anything; a burnt piece of toast, taking too long to put the cap on my toothpaste or something as trivial as tripping on my own feet.  I mean this is a serious problem.  I like to consider myself something of a highly efficient, multi-tasking, wonder woman and anything that affects that perception really annoys me.  I get this really warm feeling in my ears, my back tingles and I get complete tunnel vision.  Of course I get snippy, completely impatient and totally irrational. 

I've been working for years to decrease the impact frustration has on my attitude.  I have gotten less loud and while my words are not nearly as bad, the tone still exists.  If I'm paying attention I can limit the length of time my ears are warm and can rescue myself from the tunnel in a reasonable amount of time.  Breathing helps, but is not a cure.  Even removing myself from the situation doesn't help.  I've found the best treatment is time.  Unfortunately, with three children I'm not really granted the luxury of extended time outs.

What I'm getting right now is A LOT of practice in dealing with my frustration.  The baby has had a pretty bad cold and needs/wants to be held almost all day.  And that is absolutely fine.  I will always love on a child of mine who needs me.  However, it is impossible to get anything done when holding a sick baby.  Really, nothing else can get done.  NOTHING!!  After several hours of cuddling, my mind starts focusing on what I could be doing.  And by focus I mean tunnel vision.  All I can think about is the load of laundry I could get done, the dishes that need to be washed, the pants that need mending, the mail that needs to be gone through, etc., etc.  And it's not just chores.  I haven't been able to play with my son as much as I would like.  Between my oldest's school work and after school activities and the baby's illness, I'm just tired.  And if I have a free moment I'm working on the chores listed above.

The more I think about what's not getting done, the more the frustration builds.  Basically, my ears have been hot and my back has been tingling for 3 days.  It's exhausting.  I feel terrible for my poor children.  I am trying new ways to dampen the frustration, but when it doesn't work, I get more frustrated.  It's a vicious cycle.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Updated Con List

I guess I should update the con list.  Honestly, I'm a little scared to think about what the cons are because I'm just starting to get really comfortable and to embrace my new role.  But if I ignore the cons, they'll sneak up on me and cause all sorts of trouble.

Cons to being a Stay-at-home mom (as written in February):

1 - Loss of money.  While my paycheck was not huge, it was helpful.

This has been a more difficult con than I realized. Yes, we save money because we don't have daycare and we don't pay as much for gas.  However, adjusting to a 1/3 decrease in available income has been challenging.  I'm learning to look for more deals and I do as much free as I can.  I've even started filling out surveys that are listed on receipts I get from stores.  Every bit helps.

2 - Lack of mental stimulation.  I'm sure I will have plenty to do as a SAHM and I LOVE my kids.  Our concern is that I'm used to designing complex experiments while helping several others troubleshoot theirs.  I am used to getting 12 hours worth of work done in 8.  Adjusting to a  less hectic pace could be difficult.

While I don't think this has been too much of a problem, I'm sure it will creep up eventually.  Right now I'm so busy just trying to keep up with life, I'm happy just to have enough time to write this blog.  It takes work to eek out enough time to check email.  I certainly have plenty of opportunities to multi-task.  The difficulty is getting others in my family to go along with MY plans.

3 - Husband working too much.  It's possible that my husband may inadvertently become less involved with the family.  He may feel less guilt working late because I'm home to take care of the children.

This has definitely happened, but I'm not sure it has anything to do my staying home.  My husband is just good at his job and has been given many more responsibilities.  For that reason it has become extremely helpful that I stay home.  With that said, my husband has in no way shirked on his fatherly duties.  He's incredible and I'm very lucky and our kids are very blessed to have him.

4 - Booty expansion.  I am currently 7 months pregnant so the desire to sit in my perfect ugly blue recliner could over come me and I will just eat and watch Sprout with my son.  I put on enough weight when I'm pregnant (60-80 lbs), so the last thing I need is less activity.

Well, I've lost much of the weight I gained, but not all of it.  There is certainly no loss of activity as a SAHM.  I'm on my feet all day.  The problem is finding the time to get a really high intensity work out.  Also, I'm around food all day.  My pantry is full and it's difficult to resist.  It's not like I have a bunch of crap.  Most of the food we have is healthy.  There's virtually no sugar.  I munch on chocolate chips to get a chocolate fix; which as a SAHM with a traveling husband is often necessary.  I might just have to stock less food.

5 - I am the teacher.  Yikes!  This could go either way.  Staying at home means I will be responsible for teaching our children shapes, colors, numbers, ABCs, etc.  I've always relied on others to do that and I have NO idea how I'm going to be able to do it.  I'm not exactly known for my patience.

I have been moderately successful at teaching my son some letters.  He can almost spell his name.  We do worksheets and talk about stuff.  I haven't done great, but we're making progress.

Here are some new cons
6 - I really have far less time for me.  It seems really odd that staying home would give me less time to do things that I want to do.  The infant is part of that issue and as she gets older and establishes a more consistent routine my time will free up a little.  I struggle with feeling like I'm on duty 24 hours a day.  Sometimes it gets overwhelming.

7 - My son needs more friends.  I take him on regular play dates, but I think he really aches for more friend time.  I'm fun, but I can't and won't play with him all day.  He's definitely going to an all day preschool next year, but I think we may need to find him something else in the interim.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Updated Pro List

Eight months in and I think it's time to update the Pros to being a SAHM list.

Pros to being a Stay-at-home mom (as written in February):

1 - More sleep!  We won't have to wake the children as early, so I can get to work on time.  The kids get more sleep and are then less cranky... maybe.

Well, this is somewhat true.  I do get to stay up later; which I like, but there really isn't much more sleep for me.  If I want to have a shower before 2PM, it seems my only option is to get up by 6:30AM.  That's almost an hour and a half later than when I was working, so not bad.  There is more sleep for the kids which is wonderful because they are much better behaved when they are properly rested.

2 - More 'time'!  I can pick our oldest up from school and get her homework done BEFORE 5PM, so we have more time to play with our kids.

This does seem to be true.  My daughter's homework does get done within 30 minutes of being home which is great.  However, with my being home we have decided that she could participate in more activities.  That just means I'm running her and the others around more, which does not leave much time to play.  Our oldest is officially over-scheduled and we're working on reducing her extracurricular activities.

3 - Less illness!  Not being in daycare may keep our son from getting sick as often and hopefully keep the baby from getting sick... at least for a while.

This has proven to be absolutely true.  Our son was just one strep throat away from having his tonsils removed and since he left day care (knock on wood) he has been strep free!  The baby has had a few colds, which I expect with an older sibling in school, but nothing serious.  It's been wonderful.

4 - Less stress for me!  I am under no illusions that being a SAHM is easy, however, just knowing I'm getting close to my last day of work has already helped me to relax and feel less rushed.  This in turn, has had a positive effect on my kid's attitudes.  My husband also travels a lot, so being home would put less stress on me and kids when he's out of town.

This is absolutely true..... kind of.  I do feel great being away from work.  I did not realize just how bad it was until I left.  However, because I am a crazy type A, moderate control freak, I have had some control issues at home.  My husband travels a lot, so I am a virtual stay at home mom at least a week a month.  And when he's gone everything is done my way.  That makes it really difficult to allow my husband to contribute.  Since I am now the primary care giver, I want things MY way, and that's not right.  He is the dad and the husband and should have at least some say as to how things are done.  I am grateful that he is a husband and father who is involved, it's difficult, however, to view the home as anything but 'my turf'.  If we're going to make it through this time of transition I have to give up my alpha tendencies and let him participate.  It is his family too, after all.

5 - No more commuting!  We'll save money on gas!  I won't get stuck in traffic jams!  No more dealing with less than perfect drivers!

All I have to say about this is, Hallelujah!!!!!!!!

6 - Open toed shoes!  The job I've had for the last 6 years has not allowed me to wear open toed shoes.  No cute sandals or peep toes; just comfortable, reliable shoes.  Now I can wear any shoe I want, when I want!!!  I can even go barefoot.

This was awesome, for about week.  I developed very painful heal spurs and plantar fasciitis during pregnancy, so my shoe-wear has been limited.  I am also waiting until I lose all the baby weight before I splurge on new shoes.  Hopefully the problems with my feet and weight will resolve around the same time.

7 - No marathon cleaning!  Since I'll be at home I can get parts of the house cleaned everyday and won't have to spend several hours every Saturday trying to get the house to a respectable state.

Wow was I kidding myself!  It is true that I can work on different parts of the house on different days and many Saturdays have been free.  However, it is incredibly difficult to find more than 20 minutes at a time during the day to do anything.  It usually takes me until lunch to clean up the breakfast dishes.  Granted, I am playing with the kids and attempting to teach my son during that time, but I still feel like I should be able to get more done.  I'm not sure where the time goes.  I'm not watching TV or painting my nails or anything.  I feel like the "To Do" list keeps getting longer and I'm making no progress.  I'm not sure how that's possible when I don't work, but it's true.

New Pros to being a SAHM:

8 - I know my kids.  And I mean really know them.  I've had the chance to really talk to my oldest and find out what she likes, dislikes, is afraid of and just who she is.  I've been able to spend some wonderful time with my son while he's transitioned from toddler to kid and I've been able to cherish the first few months with our youngest with no looming deadline to return to work.

9 - I have been able to help people.  I can run errands for people who are sick, or watch their kids for them, or just be around to talk to people when they need some one.  It's been great.  I don't feel like I'm sacrificing time with my family to do good.  And as an added benefit, my kids come with me and are hopefully learning to do the same.

This is just the tip of the ice burg.  I'm sure I'll find more pros as time goes on.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I think I'll keep them

The last few days in my home have been absolutely pleasant.  It has been one of these rare moments in time where my kids get along almost all the time.  They have been playing together, using their manners and genuinely caring about one another.  I'm not sure how these rare moments happen but they really do help balance out all the name calling,  tattletaling, and random acts of violence that surround siblings 95% of the time.  They've even managed to be nice to me!  I give a lot of the credit to a Bernstein Bear's cartoon we saw the other day.  The premise was that a 'please' and a 'thank you' go a long way in helping people feel appreciated.  Ever since then I've heard, "yes, please" and "thank you" with very little prompting.  I suppose you have to have the days of hair pulling and games of "I'm not touching you" to help you realize just how special and wonderful your children are, and I hope they realize how lucky they are to have one another.  My goal is for my children to grow and be best friends.  After all, if you can't count on your brother or sister to help you out in life, who can you count on?

Sunday, October 7, 2012

The funeral

I just came back from my Uncle's funeral and what a funeral it was.  I have never seen anything like it.  My family is from a small town of approximately 5000 people.  My Uncle was the former fire chief, and EMS worker, electrician and Alderman.  Of the 5000 people in the town, I would say at least 500 came to pay respects to his family.  It was the most incredible thing I've ever seen.  The visitation went for over 3 hours.  The funeral procession was only 1.5 miles long, but it took almost 15min to get to the grave site.  There were fire trucks leading the way with ambulances and fire trucks from nearby towns all along the route.  As the procession went down Main Street, people came out of their businesses to watch.  Marquis expressed people's sadness for his unexpected passing.  The town hung all their flags normally reserved for holidays such as the 4th of July and all were flown at half mast.  It was very heart warming to see just how much people respected and cared for my uncle and his family. 

It was truly inspiring to watch.  My uncle must have been done something right with his life.

During this visit I was fortunate to have the opportunity to read an excerpt from a county annal about my great great great grandfather.  The writing was truly exquisite and formed an image in my mind of a man who was for lack of a better word, a bad ass.  The book mentioned that his eyes "shown with lightening and his voice reverberated with thunder".  "His sons and slaves formed a militia that even the army was afraid to exacerbate."  There was more, but the general gist was that my great great great grandfather was not some one to trifle with.  He helped to settle the west and while I'm sure he was not perfect, it would be wonderful to be defined the way he was.

Both my uncle and great great great grandfather provide an example that I want to follow.  And I hope I can pass on traits such as integrity, a value for hard work and responsibility to my children.

Friday, October 5, 2012

More flexible, but not really

In some ways, being a SAHM makes my life a lot more flexible.  I can run any errand, help out a friend, or go on a trip anytime I want.  That is, of course, if I can take my children along.  My uncle passed away recently and I went to the funeral.  Unfortunately, the timing was such that my husband could not come with me and it wasn't possible to take the kids.  Still, I didn't have to worry about getting time off or not finishing some project which was nice.  I could just go.  The snag was that I needed some one to watch the kids because my husband had a big company meeting where he was presenting, and therefore, could not work from home.  It took a lot of wrangling, but I finally got some one to watch the kids.  Most of my friends work and the ones that don't have older children and are really great about volunteering, so they don't have full days free.  I ended up having to split the day between two friends, whom I owe big time!  Especially a very dear friend who was 9 months and a few days pregnant when she watched my kids and is now 9 months and a few more days pregnant.  If I was still working the kids would have been in day care all day and it wouldn't have been an issue.  It's strange how not working can actually make me less available.