Selfishness, the belly of the beast

The beginning of the third week and the vacation is over.  I realized today that my biggest issue with being a stay at home mom is selfishness.  Not my kids innate selfishness, but mine.  I am used to having a schedule at work that I made.  I chose what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it.  I even had a blissful 30 min to an hour commuting in the car where I got to choose the music and have adult conversations with people on my bluetooth.  Now my days revolve around my children and my family, not me.  Sadly, I feel it is going to be a rough adjustment.

This week is spring break and I have my daughter and son, ALL DAY LONG.  Which should not be an issue.  I have the kids all day on weekends.  The biggest difference is my husband is usually home, so I am not alone.  Unfortunately today, my husband, through no fault of his own, had to work late and I was alone with the kids for over 10 hours.

Just writing that makes me feel like a terrible mom.  Shouldn't I be able, and more importantly, want to be with my kids all day.  I love them.  Next to my husband, they are the most important people in my life.  But to be honest, I would rather do what I want when I want.  I am not interested in playing games, working on puzzles, or building forts all day.  But that is what they want from me.  I know I am not expected and I should not play with them all day, but it is difficult to say no to their requests, ALL DAY LONG.

The awful part is they really were pretty well behaved today.  Despite my two year old's irrational, giant crying fit this morning, he and his sister were fabulous at the grocery store.  Miraculously there were no fits, no misbehaving and I did not have to ask them to do anything twice.  For that alone I should have made the rest of the day a party, but I just did not want to.  I had to make myself play marble works with my daughter during my son's nap.  I feel horrible that I had to make an effort to spend time with her.  I think selfishness is going to be my biggest challenge as a stay at home mom.  It will take a lot of prayer to get past this one.