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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Butterflies in my stomach

I'm not sure I'm going to make it.  Today my daughter auditioned for her school's talent show.  She played "Fur Elise" by Beethoven and did a great job.  They gave her the option of having me in the audition or not and she chose not.  I have to admit that it hurt a little.  I am the person who carried her for almost 43 weeks, spent 30 hours in labor, changed some ridiculous diapers and had endless fights with her about practicing piano so she could be good enough to participate in a school talent show, but I completely understand.  I make her nervous.  The person she looks to hide behind when a stranger approaches makes HER nervous.  

That just hurt my feelings a little; the worst part was how nervous I was for her.  My stomach was all in knots.  I was having to take deep breaths to calm my nerves.  What is wrong with me?  It was only a small audition for the school talent show where most kids will be allowed to participate!  I can't imagine what I'm going to be like when one of my kids is trying to do something that is really important to them.  I may actually have a nervous break down.

What impressed me most was how brave my little girl was.  She was in the school gym, just her and several teachers, allowing them to judge her ability to play piano.  Many of my most difficult and embarrassing memories revolve around being judged, critiqued or analyzed.  Those experiences have left me with a pretty thin skin and I have great difficulty taking criticism from others.  I hope and pray that my children will not have the same harsh experiences.  Criticism can be good and it's important to realize that there is always room for improvement.  I just hope their "judging panel" is a little kinder than mine.

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