A Whole Month

My first month is done!  I survived.  My children survived.  My husband survived.  There have been some issues with my patience, but I think it's going to be OK.

It's funny how quickly things can change.  I've gone from squeezing 12 hours worth of work into 8 and then coming home to try and spend "quality time" with my kids, to trying to fill my day with something other than cleaning and doing all sorts of fun things with the kids.  I can let them run in the sprinklers for an hour and not worry about making sure I get dinner done or the dishes washed.  There is time.  At some point I'm sure we'll get so busy it will be difficult, but I am definitely enjoying this time.

I do have a new concern.  It's slightly odd, but it does seem to bother me.  I want my children to know that I worked and that I could go back to work.  I have a PhD for crying out loud.  I worked very hard for that degree.  I'm capable of doing more than housework, arts and crafts and fixing boo boos.  But how are they supposed to know that if I don't work?  I especially want my daughters to know that they can do anything they want.

The difference between my son and oldest daughter is that my daughter will remember that I worked, my son will have virtually no memory of it at all and the baby will have no memory.  I'm not sure if that should bother me, but it does a little.  Why does it matter if I bring money into the household?  What I do is important.   I'm "contributing" to the family.  And yet it does not seem quite equal.  My husband works hard all day long at his job and then comes home and is super dad.  Do I have to be exhausted and overworked to be a good mom?  Intellectually I know that's ridiculous, but emotionally it's hard to believe.