Things a SAHM Needs

I have discovered the things a woman needs in order to be a SAHM!  No really.  This is the essential list!

1.  Kids!  Obvious I know, but not everyone would think of it.  In a lot of ways being a SAHM would be much easier without them.  They are what makes being a SAHM...... challenging.

2.  A supportive husband.  Without one, you're a single mom.  As a SAHM, a patient husband with a good set of listening ears makes a world of difference.  It's important that he values your non-monetary contribution just as much as you value his monetary contribution.  There's nothing more damaging to a marriage than conversations about "his" money.  Even more important is that he realizes that your job is 24-7 and time away from the kids is NECESSARY.

3.  Friends! (you can complain about your husband with)  Friends are the people who will take your children away when you really need a break.  They won't judge you when you forget diapers or show up to a playdate without a shower.

4.  SAHM friends.  Friends are great, but if they aren't home all day like you, you will be seriously lonely.  SAHM friends are the only way to have something to do during the day that does not involve people under 5 foot tall.  Also, no matter how good your working friends are, they will never be able to understand what it's like to be you.

5. Ten minute hobbies.  You need something "grown up" to do during the day.  Maybe not everyday, but something at least a few times a week.  Unfortunately because you stay home you'll have 15 minutes at most to do anything uninterrupted.  I know this seems odd because most kids nap, but getting more than 15 minutes, in my experience, just isn't possible.

6.  A good sense of self.  It is so easy to lose yourself in your children when you work.  As a SAHM, it is super easy for your entire being to wrapped around your children.  While that  can make you a great mom, it sets you up for a big heartache when your children leave the nest.  I would argue that having a strong identity outside of your children makes you an even better mom and a better wife.  That doesn't mean you ignore your children and work out at the YMCA for 4 hours everyday, but it's important to know who you are without your children.

7.  A date night.  My husband and I rarely went on dates before I stayed at home.  We just felt with both of us working it wasn't fair to the kids to leave them with a babysitter every Friday night.  We found plenty of time to be together without kids.  We would take a long lunch and go to a movie or have stay-at-home dates after the kids went to bed.  Between not having a lunch time babysitter (daycare) and the allure of stay-at-home dates gone now that I'm home all day, we just don't seem to get much time alone.  So, we have to be a lot more deliberate in making sure we get away.

And last, but not least...

8.  A willingness to be unappreciated.  This is by far the hardest thing.  At work there is (hopefully) a daily sense of accomplishment and at the very least a pay check to let you know what you do is valuable.  That doesn't happen as a SAHM.  Your kids take your presence for granted, your husband takes your presence for granted.  I have a fellow SAHM friend who said, "It's great being a SAHM because I take care of the margins.  If something comes up, my stuff can get dropped (because my stuff always gets dropped) and I can take care of it."  For your own sanity you have to be willing to let your stuff get dropped.  This has been by far the most difficult part for me, but I'll get there.