There is no better way to start a morning then with happy children. Lovely, happy children who say, "yes" to whatever you ask, get along with one another and aren't late for school. That almost happened this morning. Everyone woke up cheerful and was ready to start the day. Everyone was dressed, enjoying some funny conversation at the breakfast table as they ate their doughnuts (don't judge me) and drank their milk. No one complained about brushing their teeth or getting shoes on. It was a fantastic morning. And then just as I was about to get everyone in the car to get my daughter to school early I noticed a terrible odor coming from the baby. I checked, and there was indeed a yucky mess in her diaper. But that's not a problem. I've literally changed thousands of diapers in my life and this would only take a second and my daughter would still get to school early.
What I didn't notice until I was half way up the stairs was that there was poop oozing out the top of the diaper. That's never a good sign. So I braced for a bad one. By the time I got to the changing table an ample amount of smelly excrement had made it's way onto her cute pink pants. It was only after I got her pants off that I realized it was not only coming out the top, but out the legs of the diaper. There was literally foul, brown goo covering the entire diaper, inside and out. Even the tape tabs had poop under them. I braced for a really, really bad one.
As I was carefully making a pile of soiled clothing next to me, I realized the funny wet feeling I had on my leg was not water from the wash cloth I used to clean the table, but was indeed poop, that had leaked out my daughter's pants and onto my pants. There was a fair amount. I used a wipe and quickly cleaned as much off as I could before it dripped on the floor. Upon further assessment of the situation, I decided a bath was the only logical way to go. So I was on my hands and knees, trying to clean a screaming baby while I tried to forget the 8 inch glob of diarrhea eating it's way through my pants onto my leg.
I got the baby out of the tub, dried her off, put on new clothes, brushed her hair and hurried to my room to change my pants. Where I noticed there was poop on my brand new shoes as well. The baby was on the floor crying because I wasn't holding her, when my son came in and said, "Mom! What are you doing in your underpants?!" And when I explained what happened, he just laughed at me. My oldest daughter wanted to see what the fuss was about and joined my son's celebration by saying, "Ha, ha, you got poop on you!" It was a real bonding moment for all of us.
So, what started out as a glorious, on-time morning turned into a rushed get in the car, you're going to be late morning. My daughter wasn't late, however, and everyone was still being kind to one another. So it could have been worse. Like I could have come home and realized there was a trail of poop leading from the kitchen to the baby's room like a seriously messed up Hansel and Gretel bread crumb trail. And she could have had another accident ruining another cute outfit and another changing table pad.
If I were counting, not that I keep track, I would say my husband now owes me 10,100 diaper changes. Just for today.