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I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Still Working Toward Equality

Growing up I learned, as many of us do, about the hardships of different groups in history.  We spent hours studying slavery, the holocaust and communism.  But the suffragist movement got a paragraph or two.  At least we learned that women did get the vote.  For some reason the struggles that women faced and continue to face aren't worth much discussion in the class room.

A few weeks ago my daughter asked me who the first female President was.  I was sad to tell her that there hasn't been one, but was proud to hear her emphatic, "Why not?".  I couldn't really answer that.  I've heard many opinions.  The most upsetting was that there hadn't been a 'serious' female candidate.  I hope the commentator meant a female who did not have enough clout and popularity to make a 'serious' run for the Presidency and not that any of the women who have run weren't good enough.  One could argue that Barack Obama was not a 'serious' contender in 2008 because of his lack of experience, but he was elected.  Countries like Brazil, Denmark, Kosovo, Pakistan and South Korea have had female leaders, so why not the US?

When I was younger I was naive enough to think that sexism was dead in the US.  I believed that other than a few in the "older" generation, women were treated equal to men.  The older I've gotten the more I see it's not true.  Living in The South has further opened my eyes.  I will accept an old man (we're talking 75 and up) calling me sweetie or little lady, but anyone my dad's age or younger will get a full blown Arizona tongue lashing.  It happened to me at dealership service center and I got right back in my car and left.  When my husband and I went to buy me a car, I did all the talking, was in charge of all the money and they still put the car in HIS name.  HIS name.. not mine.  At the time, I was working and could by the car on my own.  It was obviously for me and yet they put it in the man's name.  Where I'm from they would have put it in my name and then maybe asked if I wanted my husband's.  It even happened with our lender for our home mortgage.  My name is on that, but the first line includes my husband's name and I am referred to as wife.  That's right.  I don't have a name, I am 'wife'.  

I think women have made a strong case to be treated equally.  It is hard to believe women are still considered, by some, to be fragile, docile and needy.  There are women astronauts, firemen, policemen, congresswomen, plumbers and contractors.

Of course we don't do ourselves any favors by posing nude in magazines and doing reality shows where we are portrayed as self-absorbed, superficial and materialistic.  What we seem to miss is the strong, smart role models.  I know those women exist; we don't give them the same attention.  I guess they aren't interesting.  If women are strong and smart, they are seen as mean or bitchy.  

When I worked as a researcher there were many female scientists.  The majority were graduate students and post docs, with few female professors.  The majority (>75%) of principle investigators were men.  The few female PIs were generally regarded as mean, tough and difficult to work with.  I worked with many of them and did not find any of the female PIs to be more demanding than the men.  I think people take criticism from a woman more personally than they do a man and therefore view a female authority figure as bitchy.  When in fact, they are just doing their job.

This year, more women received doctorates than men for the first time in history.  And yet, this was the first Winter Olympics with women's ski jumping.  Apparently it was not believed women could provide Olympic level competition!!  Seriously!  It's a scary event, but it's sliding down a long slide on skis and landing safely.  Women can do that.

Now, I'm not a feminist.  My husband is the head of our home.  I love a statement by Candace Cameron-Bure where she explained the success in her marriage was due to submitting to her husband.  Now, she in no way meant that her husband was her boss and said that it's difficult to make any relationship work with two strong leaders.  She's absolutely right.  I once worked at a retail store where two managers were battling for supremacy.  All that resulted was confused cashiers and a messy store.  When both the husband and wife try to be the leader, the result tends to be a lot of fighting.  That does not mean the husband should be a dictator.  A good leader listens to people and considers their thoughts and feelings.

The truth is we won't truly be equal until we get to a place where a woman CEO is no longer introduced as a woman, but just as the CEO.  

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