Moms Judging Moms

I think my husband and I do a great job with our kids.  So why do I worry so much about what other parent's think?  My own parents question what we do all the time.  I think mostly because it's a lot different than their style.  For the most part, my children are well behaved and considerate of other people.  I consider that a success to this point in their lives.  I tend to use a wait and see method.  If I watch my kids get in an altercation with other kids, I stop and watch from a distance to see how they handle things.  I figure they'll never learn how to take care of it themselves if I always interfere.  Unfortunately, there's often a different parent who tries to intervene instead of just letting them deal with it on their own.  I don't let them go to fisticuffs or anything, but they need to learn how to handle disagreements on their own.

I also don't run every time my kids get hurt.  I run if I hear "the scream".  Most moms know about "the scream".  It's the sound your child makes when they are legitimately hurt or scared.  Otherwise, I sit back and see what happens.  I feel this is the area where I get the most, "Your child will grow up to be an evil dictator" stares.  For example, my daughter was at her horse back riding lesson the other day and I saw the pony was getting out of control.  He was going faster than she was used to and I could see she was scared.  Her trainer was trying to help her, but she did eventually fall off the horse.  It wasn't a bad fall; it was only about 4 feet and she landed on her booty mostly.  I was standing to see how she was and her trainer and assistant ran out to make sure she was OK.

I could tell she wasn't seriously hurt, so I just watched as she got up.  She wasn't even crying; just scared.  They got  her back on the horse and she finished her lesson.  She was a little sore the next day, but didn't even get a bruise.  There was a mom next to me watching the whole thing and I couldn't help but wonder what she thought of me.  A lot of moms I know would have run out there, grabbed up their kid and left the arena.  There's nothing wrong with that, I just feel that making my kids tough it out will make them more resilient in life.  Don't get me wrong, I gave my daughter lots of hugs and kisses after her lesson and told her how proud I was that she got right back on.  Falling off a horse is the perfect metaphor for life.  You fall off;you get back on.  Sometimes people are there to help you, sometimes not.  She knew I was there if she really needed me, but she didn't.  

She learned a great lesson that day.  And so did I.  

We all do it.  Whenever we're out, but especially with out children, we judge other mom's parenting styles.  Sometimes we look on and think, "That mom's out of her mind and her children will grow up to be serial killers."  Other times we look and think, "Why can't I get my kids to behave that way!?"  The truth is, no matter what we do, our kids will most likely turn out fine.  As long as they don't end up in jail, are any of us really going to be upset?  We might be disappointed if they don't meet our standards for greatness, but if they have a job and can support themselves, I'd say that makes you a successful parent.