I know my kids have way more than when I was a kid. They have more toys, more house, more clothes, more activities. They also have more of mine and my husband's attention. We are constantly talking about our parenting and what we want to do and how we want to raise our kids. We are very purposeful and have chosen to avoid corporal punishment.
We really don't want our children watching too much television and we've been pretty good at limiting it. For that reason, taking television away has become a great punishment for bad behavior. Much of what is on television is highly inappropriate for younger kids and even commercials can be questionable, so we've gotten in the habit of never watching "grown-up" shows while they are awake. Today I discovered that by only watching children-appropriate programming that our kids choose, we have inadvertently taught our children that they control the television.
Last night my children were out of control and as a consequence they lost all television privileges today. Unfortunately for my children, their radio and CD player are in the same room as the television. They love to blast their music and dance and today they wanted to dance while their grandpa wanted to watch television. Because they were not allowed to watch television they had to leave the room and could not dance. Boy were they ticked off about that. They did not understand why grandpa didn't have to turn off the television so they could dance. They yelled and screamed about it for about 20 minutes. It was really pretty ridiculous. I told them that grandpa was our guest and he could watch television whenever he wanted to and all they could respond with was, "but we want to dance." They just could not fathom why they weren't getting their way.
I know children are all self-involved, but I promise you when I was a kid, changing the channel or turning the television off when my grandfather was watching was punishable by a severe butt-whooping. That fear was more than enough to keep us from complaining. The events today have got me thinking that our gentler way of disciplining our children has made them less aware of other people; especially now that I stay home. My daughter is just home for the summer, but my son is with me all day, every day. He doesn't have to share with 10 other kids anymore and he often has my undivided attention.
This is an overstatement, but some how our choice to limit our television viewing has not taught our children to care for other people, but has caused them to believe they are the center of the universe. I'm not sure how we're going to work on this problem, but it definitely deserves some attention.
About Me
- The Unplanned Housewife
- I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
That's What Moms Do
That's what moms do. I have said those very words no less than a dozen times in the last two weeks. It is truly amazing what Moms do. We are a truly giving, overworked group of people. My concern now that I stay at home is how I'll deal with the pressure. I have three main concerns: 1) Can I live up to the ideal? 2) Do I want to live up to the ideal? and 3) How do I keep from becoming a martyr?
I think everyone has an idea of what the perfect mom is. She is calm, patient, loving and makes a killer chocolate chip cookie. While I think I have the loving and chocolate chip cookie parts down, I am far from calm and patient. I am no June Cleaver and to be honest, I don't want to be. I'm goofy. I like to rough house with my kids and chase them around the house. As a result my kids are high energy, rowdy and loud. For the most part I love it. It would be nice to have a bit of quiet every now and then, but I love their wild side; even if it means they stay up two and half hours past their bed time alternating between playing tent and swords and fighting over who touched who.
Regardless of what type of mom I become I am still a mom; which means I will still be eating cold dinners, running off to another room during a party to spend 30 minutes nursing an infant, living on less than 6 hours of sleep a day, wiping butts, noses and anything else that may be vomited, pooped, peed or snotted on. I'll kiss boo boos, clean cuts and dole out medicine. I'll drop everything I am doing to make sure my children are fed, played with, clean, well rested and happy. But when you give up everything you want to do to make sure some one else is happy, how do you keep from becoming a martyr?
I know lots of women who gave everything to their family and now seem a little bitter about it. At the end of the day I want to be happy with the choices I made during the day. I don't want to be angry or upset that I had to rearrange my life to accommodate my family. I want, to want to be there for them. I know I won't be happy everyday, but I don't want to become one of those moms that makes her family feel guilty about all the things she does or missed out on because she was too busy "doing" for them. Only time will tell how this mom thing will work out, but I'm hopeful and confident I will be able to do the right thing.
I think everyone has an idea of what the perfect mom is. She is calm, patient, loving and makes a killer chocolate chip cookie. While I think I have the loving and chocolate chip cookie parts down, I am far from calm and patient. I am no June Cleaver and to be honest, I don't want to be. I'm goofy. I like to rough house with my kids and chase them around the house. As a result my kids are high energy, rowdy and loud. For the most part I love it. It would be nice to have a bit of quiet every now and then, but I love their wild side; even if it means they stay up two and half hours past their bed time alternating between playing tent and swords and fighting over who touched who.
Regardless of what type of mom I become I am still a mom; which means I will still be eating cold dinners, running off to another room during a party to spend 30 minutes nursing an infant, living on less than 6 hours of sleep a day, wiping butts, noses and anything else that may be vomited, pooped, peed or snotted on. I'll kiss boo boos, clean cuts and dole out medicine. I'll drop everything I am doing to make sure my children are fed, played with, clean, well rested and happy. But when you give up everything you want to do to make sure some one else is happy, how do you keep from becoming a martyr?
I know lots of women who gave everything to their family and now seem a little bitter about it. At the end of the day I want to be happy with the choices I made during the day. I don't want to be angry or upset that I had to rearrange my life to accommodate my family. I want, to want to be there for them. I know I won't be happy everyday, but I don't want to become one of those moms that makes her family feel guilty about all the things she does or missed out on because she was too busy "doing" for them. Only time will tell how this mom thing will work out, but I'm hopeful and confident I will be able to do the right thing.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
What I've learned in one month
The baby is nearly a month old and I have learned a ton! For instance, nothing wakes a baby faster than the need to pee. Seriously, as soon as the urge to relieve yourself comes on, they start to scream. Alternatively, the hair dryer makes the baby go to sleep, but calls the other two to the bathroom like cows to a feeding trough. I would love to be able to get ready in the morning without interruption. I have my routine down to about 25 minutes, shower and all (35 if I shave) and apparently I am just asking for too much time.
I have learned that anything I want to do now takes at least twice as long if not longer. I have been trying to work out for 30 minutes on the elliptical every other day and it has only taken 30 minutes once. The last time I had to jump off every 30 seconds to a minute to return the pacifier to the baby for the last 10 minutes of the workout. Making the entire workout about 45 minutes. The constant starting and stopping makes the workout twice as hard, so I guess that might be a good thing.
I am starting to learn the art of giving up. The other day I was trying to balance the check book. It took over 20 minutes to even log into the bank website because my son, who was supposed to be napping refused to and I had to keep putting him back in his room and then as soon as I got back to the computer the baby, who almost never fusses, would start crying. I think I went back and forth (a total of 14 stairs one way) 5 times before I gave up and sat with the baby on the couch and let my son have a nap free day; the results of which are for another day.
My two oldest children will play nicely with one another until it's time to nurse the baby, then all hell breaks loose. There's nothing like breaking up a fight between a 6 year old and a 2 year old while a newborn is trying to eat.
When they say it takes a village to raise a child, they aren't kidding. Right now it feels like it would take a village to vacuum the living room!
I have learned that anything I want to do now takes at least twice as long if not longer. I have been trying to work out for 30 minutes on the elliptical every other day and it has only taken 30 minutes once. The last time I had to jump off every 30 seconds to a minute to return the pacifier to the baby for the last 10 minutes of the workout. Making the entire workout about 45 minutes. The constant starting and stopping makes the workout twice as hard, so I guess that might be a good thing.
I am starting to learn the art of giving up. The other day I was trying to balance the check book. It took over 20 minutes to even log into the bank website because my son, who was supposed to be napping refused to and I had to keep putting him back in his room and then as soon as I got back to the computer the baby, who almost never fusses, would start crying. I think I went back and forth (a total of 14 stairs one way) 5 times before I gave up and sat with the baby on the couch and let my son have a nap free day; the results of which are for another day.
My two oldest children will play nicely with one another until it's time to nurse the baby, then all hell breaks loose. There's nothing like breaking up a fight between a 6 year old and a 2 year old while a newborn is trying to eat.
When they say it takes a village to raise a child, they aren't kidding. Right now it feels like it would take a village to vacuum the living room!
Friday, June 1, 2012
3 Kids, 2 Parents and 1 Grocery store
My husband and I are pretty brave, but even we were nervous about taking all three kids to the grocery store. Most of the time our kids are well behaved, but you never really know what a toddler is going to do and our 6 year old is always capable of having a volcano-style eruption. But we decided after three weeks, it was time to try it. So we loaded up the kids and off to Kroger we went.
At first, the logistics were difficult to work out. I didn't bring the baby sling, so we ended up keeping her in the car seat. And, of course, the car seat that we bought doesn't lay in the top of carts well, so we had to put her into the large section and use a separate cart for the groceries. That was OK because there was two of us. Our son wanted to ride in the car cart which makes things more difficult. I hate pushing those things around. It's like driving a school bus through an inner-city alley. But sometimes you do what is necessary to keep a two year old happy.
Luckily we were organized and had the list ready to go. We got through the store with no fits or tantrums and didn't forget anything. I think the majority of the stress was worry-induced. We were too concerned about what could happen. Turns out there was no need to worry and we should have had more faith in ourselves and our children.
In the end, we did it! My husband and I successfully took three kids to the grocery store. I don't think I'm willing to do it on my own yet, but I think we're going to make it.
Since the grocery trip, I have successfully taken the kids to the park and to the bouncy house place all by myself. I'm starting to get more confident in my ability to handle three kids at once.
At first, the logistics were difficult to work out. I didn't bring the baby sling, so we ended up keeping her in the car seat. And, of course, the car seat that we bought doesn't lay in the top of carts well, so we had to put her into the large section and use a separate cart for the groceries. That was OK because there was two of us. Our son wanted to ride in the car cart which makes things more difficult. I hate pushing those things around. It's like driving a school bus through an inner-city alley. But sometimes you do what is necessary to keep a two year old happy.
Luckily we were organized and had the list ready to go. We got through the store with no fits or tantrums and didn't forget anything. I think the majority of the stress was worry-induced. We were too concerned about what could happen. Turns out there was no need to worry and we should have had more faith in ourselves and our children.
In the end, we did it! My husband and I successfully took three kids to the grocery store. I don't think I'm willing to do it on my own yet, but I think we're going to make it.
Since the grocery trip, I have successfully taken the kids to the park and to the bouncy house place all by myself. I'm starting to get more confident in my ability to handle three kids at once.
Monday, May 28, 2012
The art of multi-tasking
I am a multi-tasking GODDESS! I knew I was good, but I did not realize just how good. Adding a third child has been significantly more difficult to adjust to than adding a second child. Even with the help of my parents, I feel like I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. But the other day I succeeded in a feat I never knew possible.
I was able to put my two oldest children in time out while I was nursing the baby. That's right... I said while I was nursing the baby. The kids were fighting with one another and I couldn't take it anymore. I put one kid next to the bathroom counter and our son I put on the edge of the bed. Really, they could have taken off any time they wanted. I guess I had my scary face on, so they were too scared to venture off.
After that experience, I feel like I can conquer anything. Bring on another baby! How bad could four be?
I was able to put my two oldest children in time out while I was nursing the baby. That's right... I said while I was nursing the baby. The kids were fighting with one another and I couldn't take it anymore. I put one kid next to the bathroom counter and our son I put on the edge of the bed. Really, they could have taken off any time they wanted. I guess I had my scary face on, so they were too scared to venture off.
After that experience, I feel like I can conquer anything. Bring on another baby! How bad could four be?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
That just happened
What I am about to write is the truth; 100% the truth. No exagerating.
Last night I saw one of the craziest things I have ever seen. If I hadn't been there to see it myself I probably would not believe it happened it all.
In the 16 days since my precious little girl was born she has yet to make a real big mess. She doesn't spit up and her diapers don't leak.
My family and I decided to go out for frozen yogurt. My husband did not want any so he stayed outside with the baby while the rest of us went in to get some yummy, yogurty goodness. We then joined him outside on the benches to eat the yogurt. I was standing next to my parents when I looked over at my husband and saw something dripping from the car seat. I thought to myself, "huh, why is there something dripping from the car seat?" I then asked my husband the same question, who immediately started to investigate the source of the drip.
Turns out the source was a leaking diaper from an absolutely passed out baby. We all braced for what was to come next because a couple of drips started to become a steady stream. And it just kept coming and coming. It's hard to believe that one little baby could possibly hold that much poop. I don't know how many people have had the pleasure of cleaning up a diaper explosion out in public, but it is an interesting experience. I personally have had the pleasure about four times. I grabbed the wipes and extra outfit from the diaper bag, my mom grabbed a bunch of napkins from the yogurt shop and my husband bagan to gingerly unbelt the baby from the car seat. I prepared to grab the poop covered baby from my husband.
This is where it gets interesting.
He took the baby out and I went to gingerly take her when suddenly, I noticed there was no poop on the baby! She was totally clean! I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper and there was a little mess, but it wasn't bad at all. I was relieved to see that she had escaped the mess, but was very concerned about the car seat. They aren't exactly easy to clean. We went back outside and I went over to my husband to inspect the damage. Remarkably there was NO MESS! Turns out the poop leaked out of the diaper and went straight down the hole where the seat belt threads through and down onto the sidewalk. Totally crazy! The seat belt was a little dirty and a little bit of the plastic needed to be cleaned. That's it! It took 4 or 5 cups of water to clean off the sidewalk, but there was nothing on the car seat! It was incredible.
Last night I saw one of the craziest things I have ever seen. If I hadn't been there to see it myself I probably would not believe it happened it all.
In the 16 days since my precious little girl was born she has yet to make a real big mess. She doesn't spit up and her diapers don't leak.
My family and I decided to go out for frozen yogurt. My husband did not want any so he stayed outside with the baby while the rest of us went in to get some yummy, yogurty goodness. We then joined him outside on the benches to eat the yogurt. I was standing next to my parents when I looked over at my husband and saw something dripping from the car seat. I thought to myself, "huh, why is there something dripping from the car seat?" I then asked my husband the same question, who immediately started to investigate the source of the drip.
Turns out the source was a leaking diaper from an absolutely passed out baby. We all braced for what was to come next because a couple of drips started to become a steady stream. And it just kept coming and coming. It's hard to believe that one little baby could possibly hold that much poop. I don't know how many people have had the pleasure of cleaning up a diaper explosion out in public, but it is an interesting experience. I personally have had the pleasure about four times. I grabbed the wipes and extra outfit from the diaper bag, my mom grabbed a bunch of napkins from the yogurt shop and my husband bagan to gingerly unbelt the baby from the car seat. I prepared to grab the poop covered baby from my husband.
This is where it gets interesting.
He took the baby out and I went to gingerly take her when suddenly, I noticed there was no poop on the baby! She was totally clean! I took her to the bathroom to change her diaper and there was a little mess, but it wasn't bad at all. I was relieved to see that she had escaped the mess, but was very concerned about the car seat. They aren't exactly easy to clean. We went back outside and I went over to my husband to inspect the damage. Remarkably there was NO MESS! Turns out the poop leaked out of the diaper and went straight down the hole where the seat belt threads through and down onto the sidewalk. Totally crazy! The seat belt was a little dirty and a little bit of the plastic needed to be cleaned. That's it! It took 4 or 5 cups of water to clean off the sidewalk, but there was nothing on the car seat! It was incredible.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Seriously, I'm only one person!
My daughter's last day of school before summer and I dropped her off in my pajamas. I almost made it to the end of the year, but today I just could not get ready in time. Thank goodness my dad was with us because we actually got her to school a few minutes late and she needed to be signed in. Normally I would have no problems going into the school in my PJs, but the school was having their 5th grade graduation this morning and I would have had to walk through all the parents and grandparents who were there for the ceremony. While I totally would have done it I'm afraid it would have really embarrassed my daughter and my husband if he were to find out. Even my father, who NEVER gets embarrassed about anything, seemed to be upset about my mismatched robe and PJ attire.
It's not that I couldn't have gotten ready. In fact if I had ignored the things that I needed to do and just focused on what everyone else needed I would have had plenty of time. Unfortunately, I have mastitis and I HAD to pump after feeding the baby. Unfortunately, that made it impossible to turn the TV to the channel that my son wanted, to help my daughter get her stuff ready for school and of course impossible to put some clothes on; that is if I wanted to eat and go to the bathroom. I could have gotten up earlier, but last night was rough between the baby fussing and the dog vomiting everywhere, I just didn't get much sleep and the idea of getting up at 6 was just not appealing. As it was, I rushed through breakfast and barely got my son and daughter dressed before it was time to go. I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed. I have time to get done what I need to do, but I have no time to get anything done for me. I've even been interrupted while writing this no less than 5 times. I guess that's just the life of a SAHM. Unfortunately It's very frustrating and I am not the best person I can be when I'm frustrated.
I felt really good yesterday. I managed to get some areas of the house cleaned up and even got some errands done. But it wasn't enough. I feel like to make everyone happy I needed to have done more. But I am just one person. I can't do everything that everyone wants. I can't do everything that I want.
I know it's selfish to want to do something for myself, but sometimes there are things that I have to do. I need to learn how to balance or I'm going to be one angry mama.
It's not that I couldn't have gotten ready. In fact if I had ignored the things that I needed to do and just focused on what everyone else needed I would have had plenty of time. Unfortunately, I have mastitis and I HAD to pump after feeding the baby. Unfortunately, that made it impossible to turn the TV to the channel that my son wanted, to help my daughter get her stuff ready for school and of course impossible to put some clothes on; that is if I wanted to eat and go to the bathroom. I could have gotten up earlier, but last night was rough between the baby fussing and the dog vomiting everywhere, I just didn't get much sleep and the idea of getting up at 6 was just not appealing. As it was, I rushed through breakfast and barely got my son and daughter dressed before it was time to go. I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed. I have time to get done what I need to do, but I have no time to get anything done for me. I've even been interrupted while writing this no less than 5 times. I guess that's just the life of a SAHM. Unfortunately It's very frustrating and I am not the best person I can be when I'm frustrated.
I felt really good yesterday. I managed to get some areas of the house cleaned up and even got some errands done. But it wasn't enough. I feel like to make everyone happy I needed to have done more. But I am just one person. I can't do everything that everyone wants. I can't do everything that I want.
I know it's selfish to want to do something for myself, but sometimes there are things that I have to do. I need to learn how to balance or I'm going to be one angry mama.
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