There is a whole mess of things to get done when you want to move out of state. And no matter how extensive a list, you will always add to it. Here's the beginning of mine.
1 - Tell the kids. Ha! That will be fun.
2 - Find a realtor. Also an interesting endeavor. I view realtors like I do mechanics; I'm sure most are honest and trustworthy, but I don't trust any of them.
3 - Get the house ready to sell. Exhausting!
4 - Begin process of trying to sell the house. Even more exhausting.
5 - Start looking for a new house. Fun, but exhausting.
6 - Buy a new house. Terrifying.
7 - Get everything organized to move. A total nightmare.
8 - Move. Relief to finally be to that point.
9 - Unpack. Ugh.
Let the fun begin.
About Me
- The Unplanned Housewife
- I have three fabulous children and a terrific husband. I was recently laid off and have decided to try the stay-at-home gig. We'll see how it goes!
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
We're Moving!
My husband has received the official word from his boss and we are being moved to Wisconsin. That's right, Wisconsin. This former desert rat, turned Southerner is now going to learn to be a Northern snow enthusiast. To be honest I always wanted to live where it snows. Yuma, Az. (where I'm from) has an annual rain fall of about 1 inch and we usually get that in one rain. My father still calls me to tell me if there were raindrops on his windshield when he woke up. There are no seasons in Yuma. It's hot and less hot. Still it's my home and you can't beat that great big sky and the absolute most gorgeous sunsets you will ever see.
Moving to Tennessee was a huge change for us. And now we're going North to a place that saw temperatures of -50F this winter. Granted this was a very cold winter for everyone, but just the fact that it's possible makes me cry a little. It will be great to be able to do some real sledding. I've always wanted to take the kids down a big-ole hill. We'll be virtually guaranteed a white Christmas. However, we won't know anyone. And as a SAHM, I won't have access to anyone for a while. It will just be me and the kids trying to fit in and make friends while my husband is still traveling and meeting people at work. I'll have no backup, no support system. We don't have any family here and it took a while to meet people. But we only had one kiddo then and I had a job. Now it's just me and three kids. Thank God for those kids too. There's nothing like school and extracurricular activities to thrust you into social situations.
The target date for moving is July 1. We'll see how that goes.
Moving to Tennessee was a huge change for us. And now we're going North to a place that saw temperatures of -50F this winter. Granted this was a very cold winter for everyone, but just the fact that it's possible makes me cry a little. It will be great to be able to do some real sledding. I've always wanted to take the kids down a big-ole hill. We'll be virtually guaranteed a white Christmas. However, we won't know anyone. And as a SAHM, I won't have access to anyone for a while. It will just be me and the kids trying to fit in and make friends while my husband is still traveling and meeting people at work. I'll have no backup, no support system. We don't have any family here and it took a while to meet people. But we only had one kiddo then and I had a job. Now it's just me and three kids. Thank God for those kids too. There's nothing like school and extracurricular activities to thrust you into social situations.
The target date for moving is July 1. We'll see how that goes.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
The Screaming Baby
Have you ever been in a store and heard the screams of a child echoing throughout the entire building? If you have, it's probably me and my youngest. That girl has some lungs! And if she doesn't want to be there, the whole store knows about it. And rarely does she want to be there. My two oldest almost never acted up in a store. The few times they did, we were able to whisk them out. I don't always have that luxury anymore. When I wasn't 'that' mom, I used to think things like, "Why doesn't she take that kid out of here?" or "Doesn't that bother the parents?". Now that I have first-hand experience I can tell you the answers are, "It's complicated," and "Yes!".
I'll start with the second question. Of course it bothers me. I hate taking my screaming child through a store. It annoys me and I'm sure it annoys others. It used to embarrass me, but I've learned to ignore it and get done what I came to do.
The answer to the first question gets a bit more complicated. Our youngest has something of a temper and if she doesn't get her way, she screams. We've worked on it. We've done time out, tried to ignore it and when possible removed her from the situation. We almost never eat out because we don't know what she'll do. The problem comes when it is just me. I don't go to stores to shop for fun. There's no loafing around or window shopping. I go to get what I need and get out. I know I should take her out when she starts up, but we have to eat. My husband travels a lot, so I often go to the store with one or all of my kids.
At one point my son had strep throat when my husband was out of town. I had to take both him and the baby to the doctor's office. I was prepared with games and snacks and she did pretty well. When it was time to go the to store to get his medicine, however, she was done and wanted to go home. She wailed the entire time we were in Target. My son was half asleep in the big section of the cart, looking pitiful, while she was screaming like a banshee in the front seat of the cart. I looked like a terrible mom; dragging my obviously ill son through a store while my toddler's cries echo through the store. But my son needed his medicine. I wasn't going to wait, so my only option was to take them into the store.
People stared at me as if to say, "Do something. Why aren't you trying to make the kid happy?" I don't try to make her happy because I can't. Nothing short of getting her home can make that child happy, so I don't try. I keep my head up and ignore the ear piercing noise as best I can. I have no idea how to stop this behavior. I'm hoping that as she gets older, I'll be able to reason with her better and she'll understand that there are consequences for her actions. Right now, she's too young to understand. Just another thing I have to look forward to.
I'll start with the second question. Of course it bothers me. I hate taking my screaming child through a store. It annoys me and I'm sure it annoys others. It used to embarrass me, but I've learned to ignore it and get done what I came to do.
The answer to the first question gets a bit more complicated. Our youngest has something of a temper and if she doesn't get her way, she screams. We've worked on it. We've done time out, tried to ignore it and when possible removed her from the situation. We almost never eat out because we don't know what she'll do. The problem comes when it is just me. I don't go to stores to shop for fun. There's no loafing around or window shopping. I go to get what I need and get out. I know I should take her out when she starts up, but we have to eat. My husband travels a lot, so I often go to the store with one or all of my kids.
At one point my son had strep throat when my husband was out of town. I had to take both him and the baby to the doctor's office. I was prepared with games and snacks and she did pretty well. When it was time to go the to store to get his medicine, however, she was done and wanted to go home. She wailed the entire time we were in Target. My son was half asleep in the big section of the cart, looking pitiful, while she was screaming like a banshee in the front seat of the cart. I looked like a terrible mom; dragging my obviously ill son through a store while my toddler's cries echo through the store. But my son needed his medicine. I wasn't going to wait, so my only option was to take them into the store.
People stared at me as if to say, "Do something. Why aren't you trying to make the kid happy?" I don't try to make her happy because I can't. Nothing short of getting her home can make that child happy, so I don't try. I keep my head up and ignore the ear piercing noise as best I can. I have no idea how to stop this behavior. I'm hoping that as she gets older, I'll be able to reason with her better and she'll understand that there are consequences for her actions. Right now, she's too young to understand. Just another thing I have to look forward to.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Still Working Toward Equality
Growing up I learned, as many of us do, about the hardships of different groups in history. We spent hours studying slavery, the holocaust and communism. But the suffragist movement got a paragraph or two. At least we learned that women did get the vote. For some reason the struggles that women faced and continue to face aren't worth much discussion in the class room.
A few weeks ago my daughter asked me who the first female President was. I was sad to tell her that there hasn't been one, but was proud to hear her emphatic, "Why not?". I couldn't really answer that. I've heard many opinions. The most upsetting was that there hadn't been a 'serious' female candidate. I hope the commentator meant a female who did not have enough clout and popularity to make a 'serious' run for the Presidency and not that any of the women who have run weren't good enough. One could argue that Barack Obama was not a 'serious' contender in 2008 because of his lack of experience, but he was elected. Countries like Brazil, Denmark, Kosovo, Pakistan and South Korea have had female leaders, so why not the US?
When I was younger I was naive enough to think that sexism was dead in the US. I believed that other than a few in the "older" generation, women were treated equal to men. The older I've gotten the more I see it's not true. Living in The South has further opened my eyes. I will accept an old man (we're talking 75 and up) calling me sweetie or little lady, but anyone my dad's age or younger will get a full blown Arizona tongue lashing. It happened to me at dealership service center and I got right back in my car and left. When my husband and I went to buy me a car, I did all the talking, was in charge of all the money and they still put the car in HIS name. HIS name.. not mine. At the time, I was working and could by the car on my own. It was obviously for me and yet they put it in the man's name. Where I'm from they would have put it in my name and then maybe asked if I wanted my husband's. It even happened with our lender for our home mortgage. My name is on that, but the first line includes my husband's name and I am referred to as wife. That's right. I don't have a name, I am 'wife'.
I think women have made a strong case to be treated equally. It is hard to believe women are still considered, by some, to be fragile, docile and needy. There are women astronauts, firemen, policemen, congresswomen, plumbers and contractors.
Of course we don't do ourselves any favors by posing nude in magazines and doing reality shows where we are portrayed as self-absorbed, superficial and materialistic. What we seem to miss is the strong, smart role models. I know those women exist; we don't give them the same attention. I guess they aren't interesting. If women are strong and smart, they are seen as mean or bitchy.
When I worked as a researcher there were many female scientists. The majority were graduate students and post docs, with few female professors. The majority (>75%) of principle investigators were men. The few female PIs were generally regarded as mean, tough and difficult to work with. I worked with many of them and did not find any of the female PIs to be more demanding than the men. I think people take criticism from a woman more personally than they do a man and therefore view a female authority figure as bitchy. When in fact, they are just doing their job.
This year, more women received doctorates than men for the first time in history. And yet, this was the first Winter Olympics with women's ski jumping. Apparently it was not believed women could provide Olympic level competition!! Seriously! It's a scary event, but it's sliding down a long slide on skis and landing safely. Women can do that.
Now, I'm not a feminist. My husband is the head of our home. I love a statement by Candace Cameron-Bure where she explained the success in her marriage was due to submitting to her husband. Now, she in no way meant that her husband was her boss and said that it's difficult to make any relationship work with two strong leaders. She's absolutely right. I once worked at a retail store where two managers were battling for supremacy. All that resulted was confused cashiers and a messy store. When both the husband and wife try to be the leader, the result tends to be a lot of fighting. That does not mean the husband should be a dictator. A good leader listens to people and considers their thoughts and feelings.
The truth is we won't truly be equal until we get to a place where a woman CEO is no longer introduced as a woman, but just as the CEO.
A few weeks ago my daughter asked me who the first female President was. I was sad to tell her that there hasn't been one, but was proud to hear her emphatic, "Why not?". I couldn't really answer that. I've heard many opinions. The most upsetting was that there hadn't been a 'serious' female candidate. I hope the commentator meant a female who did not have enough clout and popularity to make a 'serious' run for the Presidency and not that any of the women who have run weren't good enough. One could argue that Barack Obama was not a 'serious' contender in 2008 because of his lack of experience, but he was elected. Countries like Brazil, Denmark, Kosovo, Pakistan and South Korea have had female leaders, so why not the US?
When I was younger I was naive enough to think that sexism was dead in the US. I believed that other than a few in the "older" generation, women were treated equal to men. The older I've gotten the more I see it's not true. Living in The South has further opened my eyes. I will accept an old man (we're talking 75 and up) calling me sweetie or little lady, but anyone my dad's age or younger will get a full blown Arizona tongue lashing. It happened to me at dealership service center and I got right back in my car and left. When my husband and I went to buy me a car, I did all the talking, was in charge of all the money and they still put the car in HIS name. HIS name.. not mine. At the time, I was working and could by the car on my own. It was obviously for me and yet they put it in the man's name. Where I'm from they would have put it in my name and then maybe asked if I wanted my husband's. It even happened with our lender for our home mortgage. My name is on that, but the first line includes my husband's name and I am referred to as wife. That's right. I don't have a name, I am 'wife'.
I think women have made a strong case to be treated equally. It is hard to believe women are still considered, by some, to be fragile, docile and needy. There are women astronauts, firemen, policemen, congresswomen, plumbers and contractors.
Of course we don't do ourselves any favors by posing nude in magazines and doing reality shows where we are portrayed as self-absorbed, superficial and materialistic. What we seem to miss is the strong, smart role models. I know those women exist; we don't give them the same attention. I guess they aren't interesting. If women are strong and smart, they are seen as mean or bitchy.
When I worked as a researcher there were many female scientists. The majority were graduate students and post docs, with few female professors. The majority (>75%) of principle investigators were men. The few female PIs were generally regarded as mean, tough and difficult to work with. I worked with many of them and did not find any of the female PIs to be more demanding than the men. I think people take criticism from a woman more personally than they do a man and therefore view a female authority figure as bitchy. When in fact, they are just doing their job.
This year, more women received doctorates than men for the first time in history. And yet, this was the first Winter Olympics with women's ski jumping. Apparently it was not believed women could provide Olympic level competition!! Seriously! It's a scary event, but it's sliding down a long slide on skis and landing safely. Women can do that.
Now, I'm not a feminist. My husband is the head of our home. I love a statement by Candace Cameron-Bure where she explained the success in her marriage was due to submitting to her husband. Now, she in no way meant that her husband was her boss and said that it's difficult to make any relationship work with two strong leaders. She's absolutely right. I once worked at a retail store where two managers were battling for supremacy. All that resulted was confused cashiers and a messy store. When both the husband and wife try to be the leader, the result tends to be a lot of fighting. That does not mean the husband should be a dictator. A good leader listens to people and considers their thoughts and feelings.
The truth is we won't truly be equal until we get to a place where a woman CEO is no longer introduced as a woman, but just as the CEO.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
I'm So Boring!
I'm busy all day, but do nothing interesting. There's nothing fun in my life. I clean, cook and play with the kids. That's it. It's not that I want to go back to work. I just want to be interesting. Diapers, tantrums and homework issues don't even entertain me and it's my life!
People ask me, "What's new?". My answer.... "nothing." Every once in a while I've got a new sick kid saga to share, but that's it. I have nothing going on. I try to keep the kids healthy and where they need to be. Keeps me busy, but not very exciting.
I don't want extra drama or catastrophes, but SOMETHING interesting, like painting my house. I would love to get some rooms painted. It's been so cold we don't do anything outside. I haven't even been out doing yard work. I have shied away from putting our youngest in a Mom's Day Out program because I feel silly putting my child in a "daycare" situation just so I can do something. I know that's why they are there and I'm starting to think I may need to take advantage of it. While I have all day to do whatever, I'm still very limited. It has to be appropriate for a 2 year old and not happen during the all important nap hours.
My husband travels so much that it's very difficult to join groups. I can't plan anything until I am 100% sure he'll be in town. Sometimes that's not until the week of. I never know when I'm going to need a babysitter. Even when I do get a babysitter, it can be difficult to get out. For example, I recently had a dinner planned with some friends from my old work. I had a sitter lined up and then.... the kids got sick! Not crazy sick, but they had croup. Thankfully, my friend was going to watch the kids for me and she agreed to watch the kids anyway. That's very rare. She is also a SAHM with three kids and was willing to stay with my sickly kids at the risk of infecting her own, so I could have a night out. Now that's a friend!
I have a few ideas to get myself out of this rut. I'm thinking of joining a mommy and me gymnastics class. It could be fun for both of us. Also, I have fallen behind on the toddler's baby book, so I think I'm going to try to work on that. Although the idea of getting out glue, tape, scissors, paper, etc to be able to work on it for about 15 minutes before I have to put it all away does not sound fun. At least it's an activity!
I have got to get out more!
People ask me, "What's new?". My answer.... "nothing." Every once in a while I've got a new sick kid saga to share, but that's it. I have nothing going on. I try to keep the kids healthy and where they need to be. Keeps me busy, but not very exciting.
I don't want extra drama or catastrophes, but SOMETHING interesting, like painting my house. I would love to get some rooms painted. It's been so cold we don't do anything outside. I haven't even been out doing yard work. I have shied away from putting our youngest in a Mom's Day Out program because I feel silly putting my child in a "daycare" situation just so I can do something. I know that's why they are there and I'm starting to think I may need to take advantage of it. While I have all day to do whatever, I'm still very limited. It has to be appropriate for a 2 year old and not happen during the all important nap hours.
My husband travels so much that it's very difficult to join groups. I can't plan anything until I am 100% sure he'll be in town. Sometimes that's not until the week of. I never know when I'm going to need a babysitter. Even when I do get a babysitter, it can be difficult to get out. For example, I recently had a dinner planned with some friends from my old work. I had a sitter lined up and then.... the kids got sick! Not crazy sick, but they had croup. Thankfully, my friend was going to watch the kids for me and she agreed to watch the kids anyway. That's very rare. She is also a SAHM with three kids and was willing to stay with my sickly kids at the risk of infecting her own, so I could have a night out. Now that's a friend!
I have a few ideas to get myself out of this rut. I'm thinking of joining a mommy and me gymnastics class. It could be fun for both of us. Also, I have fallen behind on the toddler's baby book, so I think I'm going to try to work on that. Although the idea of getting out glue, tape, scissors, paper, etc to be able to work on it for about 15 minutes before I have to put it all away does not sound fun. At least it's an activity!
I have got to get out more!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Grieving the Dream
In a few months I am going to turn 35. That is such a grown up number. There's no denying it; I am a grown up. I have three kids, a mortgage and am approaching middle age (35x2=70). I know that's a ridiculous thing to say, but that's how I feel. I am normally a very optimistic person, but right now instead of feeling my life is half started, I feel it's half over. I feel too old to achieve any of the dreams I have left from my younger years.
My dreams of being a rock star died at age 10 when I realized you had to be able to sing. I knew I wasn't going to be a tennis pro when I was 16 and discovered that professional players began playing when they were 6. My dream of being a medical doctor died when I saw the MCAT (That was just pure laziness. It's a 5.5 hour test! Who wants to do that?!).
When those dreams faded away, I wasn't hurt. I didn't really want to do any those things. They would have been fun adventures. That's what I want; the adventure. Doing something different and rare sounds wonderful.
Now "adventure" seems like nothing but an adolescent fantasy. I stay home with three kids. That's what I do. I can't have crazy, spontaneous adventures because babysitters are expensive and almost impossible to get last minute. It's difficult to have hobbies when I'm interrupted every 5 minutes. I know the kids will eventually grow up and I'll get some freedom back, but then I'll be too old. Again, I know that's a ridiculous thing to say, but it's how I FEEL. It's over. The days when a fantasy could possibly come true are gone.
Even though I know it's ludicrous, the idea that there is no chance for me to experience anything fun and crazy anymore is very depressing. I can't shake it. I try to focus on the dreams that have come true. More than anything I wanted to have a loving marriage and beautiful children. That has happened. And I wouldn't trade them for anything.
But is it really too much to ask for the CIA to need my help tracking a deadly virus that only I have the ability to stop? Or that I end up doing a segment on "The Chew" because my food is so amazing everyone wants to know how I do it. I mean really. It's not going to happen, but it would be so COOL!
But is it really too much to ask for the CIA to need my help tracking a deadly virus that only I have the ability to stop? Or that I end up doing a segment on "The Chew" because my food is so amazing everyone wants to know how I do it. I mean really. It's not going to happen, but it would be so COOL!
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