Smelly Kids' Room

In our old house, our kid's rooms would occasionally have a stuffy, bad foot odor-like smell.  I thought it was due to a combination of poor air circulation and the afternoon sun that would bake their rooms every afternoon.  Apparently I was wrong because the smell has followed us to our new home.  I cannot pin it down.  I thought it might be dirty laundry, but I've scoured their rooms and have found no random socks or underwear hiding anywhere.  Their clothes are washed every week, so it's not like the clothes stay in there long.  It can't even be their shoes because all of their shoes are stowed in the mud room.

So where is the smell coming from???!!!  I promise my kids are bathed regularly, clothes and bedding are washed.  The diapers are taken out to the trash as soon as they are removed from the little booty who produced the messy diaper.  Our room doesn't smell and neither does any other room in the house.  Why their rooms?  I can't figure it out.

For now, I keep the windows open as much as possible and I'm investing in some Febreeze.  Something's gotta work.

Phone in the water!

Holy cow!  Fifteen years of owning cell phones and I have never permanently injured one. But in a moment of mommy brain-numbness my phone ended up in the toilet. Yes the toilet!  Thankfully a clean water toilet, but ugh all the same.  Luckily we live in a place where I can replace the phone immediately, except for the fact that I have 3 children and my husband works 60-70 hours a week when he is in town.  And I'm not about to take 3 kids to a store for 1-2 hours to get a cell phone.  

Thankfully my wonderful husband was able to get off a little early and was even kind enough to arrange for a babysitter.  We don't have a home phone and without a cell phone I was unable to communicate.  I even tried to go by her house to see if she was available.  It felt very uncomfortable to stop and visit some one without calling first.  

So I had to go 24 hours without a phone.  This totally sounds mellow dramatic, but life without my phone for 24 hours... SUCKED!

I felt disconnected, lonely, and utterly lost.  What if something happened?  What if some one tried to call?  What if I needed to look at Facebook?  What if I missed a terrific post?  What if the moon turned to blood or the Earth stopped spinning?  I was actually a little twitchy.  I had to keep reminding myself that everything would be OK.  If some one had to wait 24 hours to hear from me they would not burn up and die.  Because the truth is no one ever calls (at least no none I want to talk to - there's a telemarketing group that won't leave me alone!) and nothing ever happens.

The real problem was I couldn't get all information NOW.  I didn't have a cell phone until I was 21 and I did just fine without it.  Somehow my friends and I always found each other.  My husband talked me into it and on our second date he took me to get my first phone.  I barely used the thing until I had kids, didn't text until about 3 years ago and I held off getting a smart phone for several years.

What I was afraid would happen, has happened.  I am dependent on my phone.  Even for things that don't require the phone.  I feel naked and unequipped without it.  CRAZY!  Lord help us if there is ever a major catastrophe where all cell phones are rendered useless.  No one would know what to do with their hands, or what time it is, or how to have a conversation, or plan a meeting.  

I have my new phone now and feel much better.  Thanks to the cloud I have all my contacts and everything.  I feel whole again.  Very sad.

You know you're a SAHM if.....

1 - You know what a toilet auger is, and you can use it.

2 - You say things like, "No one is licking anyone's toes!" (that may be a mom thing).

3 - You have a pile of "good" sweats and "work" sweats.

4 - You NEVER pee alone

5 - A vacation is going to the grocery store by yourself

6 - You've ever sat doing nothing while the baby was screaming because your husband was home and can take care of it.

7 - It's not worth doing your hair in the morning.

8 - You know who Sid the Science Kid, Wild Kratts, Jake, Badou, Rollie Pollie Ollie, WareHouse Mouse, Heatwave, Blades, Boulder, Chase, Cody, and Caillou are.

9 - You laugh at the morning and afternoon traffic report.

10 - You have no time to do anything for yourself and even if you do manage to plan something it will get canceled because there's a meeting, or some one gets sick or the house gets enveloped by a black hole.

Moving craziness

It's been a whirlwind of a move.  We are in Wisconsin and are starting to settle in.  I've finally got time to get back to blogging!  And I'll finish the moving checklist blogs too.  But this blog is dedicated to the craziness that is Wisconsin weather.  It's almost July and we have been here for 2 weeks.  The hottest high has been about 84, the coolest 60!  That's right 60 in June.  My poor kids were freezing until I could find their sweaters.

So far the weather has been amazing.  The temperature fabulous, we've had storms and even a tornado warning.  The mosquitoes are starting to come out, but have been held at bay by the cool temps.  Hopefully they stick around a while.

We've jumped right into life here and I've put the kids in swim lessons.  They love it!  Tuesday the high was 67 and they still had swim lessons... outdoors!  And my kids weren't the only ones there.  There were tons of moms and dads in hoodies and pants dropping our kids off in bathing suits to swim.  It's a heated pool, but still new to this desert rat.  My oldest was finally not hot while our boy froze to death.

I'm looking forward to seeing what else Wisconsin and dish out.  Thankfully we're many months away from snow.

Ramblings of a Failure

Have you ever failed at something?  I mean, totally, epically failed?  I feel like I have failed in my life.  Everywhere I look I see failure.  I wanted to be popular; fail.  I wanted to be a great tennis player; fail.  I wanted to be pretty; fail.  I wanted to be a successful scientist, well respected and knowledgeable; fail.  I have tried many things in my life with little success.  There was one time I prayed hard to finally be the best at something, and you know what, it happened.  I was the world champion and it felt good.  But since no one seemed to think it was a big deal, other than me, the feeling faded pretty quickly.  My biggest problem is fragile self-esteem.  I put on a tough exterior, but that's only to limit the damage to the interior.

I want to be a good mom; fail.  I try, I'm just not patient enough, caring enough or playful enough.  I'm not happy being a SAHM.  I don't want to go back to work, but staying home can be SOOOOO boring!  My job is to clean and raise children.  Both are unglamorous and unappreciated and completely open to criticism by both strangers and friends.  When my kids act up in public, I think, "Great.  Now everyone knows I'm not doing a good job."  They look at me while my toddler screams.  Yes, she screams and I kind of let her.  Rushing out the door is not always possible and nothing soothes her, so sometimes she screams.

I want to be a good wife; fail.  I'm CRAZY and no one knows that better than my poor husband. One minute I can be perfectly happy moving along in life, the next I'm a snarling, venomous, creature who's curled up in a ball on the floor shaking with furry and covered in tears of regret.  Who wants to be married to that?!  I don't keep the house clean.  I don't have the kids ready all the time.  I forget to take the trash out or call the cable company.  Sometimes, I'm just a mess.  Other times, I've done the work of 10 people in a very short amount of time and it's still doesn't seem like enough.

I want to be a writer; that's a continuous process of failure.  I know it's incredibly difficult to be a published author, but when I can't even get my family and friends to read my blog, I'd say; fail.  I know I need to write more and post more..... but I'm busy being an inadequate mom, wife and friend.

Now after all that nonsense, I have to say that I have not failed at everything.  I have a husband who loves me.  Three kids whom I adore.  We have good food, fun and love.  For that I am eternally grateful and proud.  For everything I have failed in my life, I have succeeded in playing a part in creating a pretty great family.  And I wouldn't trade it for all the career accomplishments or personal acclaim I have longed for.  I need to focus more on what is truly important and less on what I or others consider 'success'.  It doesn't matter if my children have perfect manners everywhere I take them.  If they feel loved, I've done a great job.  It doesn't matter if others acknowledge my accomplishments or gifts.  If I trust in myself and God and continue to do the best I can do; I've been successful.

Finding a Realtor

Finding a realtor to help sell your house is a tricky thing.  Normally I'm a pretty optimistic person, but it's difficulty to trust some one who is going to make money on what you are trying to sell.  They want it to sell fast and not necessarily for the best price.  This can make decision making very difficult.  Of course, the more you sell it for, the bigger their commission. But the longer the house is on the market, the bigger their expenses.

So how to pick a realtor?  There's personal recommendations.  Always a nice way to go because you can get an idea of how the person works.  Drawing out of a hat.  That could work out, but can be a bit scary.  Internet searches can tell you who sells a lot of houses, but are not the best at helping gauge how well you'll work with a person.

We have gone with the personal recommendation.  I think it's worked out well.  She is a great business woman.  I can tell because whenever she "gives me suggestions" I feel like I have to do them whether I want to or not.  Thank goodness for my recent experiences in sticking up for my daughter at school and dealing with repair people.  If not for them I'd be getting trampled on.  I'm glad for my husband too.  He is really great about stepping back and making sure we have time to really consider our options.

For me that is the truly difficult part.  I am relying on an expert to guide us in selling our house.  Only I don't fully trust that guide and don't have enough of a backbone to really question anything.  This will be another great lesson learned.  Hopefully we don't get burned in the process.

Telling the kids

We are concerned about how well the kids will adapt to our move.  We don't want them to be hurt or sad and we want them to make friends quickly.  We are brainstorming ideas to make their transition easier and even planning to do some major spoiling. I feel a ton of guilt right now.  I hate moving them from the only home they've ever known and flipping their world upside down.  I don't know how they feel.  I spent 15 years in the same house.  My parents still live in that house.  They've had the same phone number for the last 30 years!  Their area code has changed more often than their phone number.

My husband moved quite a bit as a child and did not like it.  My concern is that we're hurting our children's sense of safety and comfort.  All we can do is love on them and help them make the best of the move.  I know plenty of other people who have moved their children and they adapted just fine.  Even those who have moved to other countries seemed to do really well.

Telling the kids we are going to move went about as well as we expected.  The baby didn't really care.  Our son looked at us with his mouth agape.  He wasn't exactly sure what we meant.  Once we explained that all his toys would be coming with us, he was OK with it.  Still not happy, but OK.  After I explained he would be guaranteed the opportunity to sled and build a snow man every year, he was almost excited.

Our oldest was quite upset.  She didn't cry or anything, but she is not happy.  I think part of her might be excited to be going to a new place.  She likes adventure and traveling.  But Tennessee is all she knows and I know it's scary for her to think of trying to make new friends and learn how to adapt to a new environment.  Occasionally she'll look at me and say, "Only a few more months until my life is over."  The next day she'll say, "I can't wait to move."  It's quite the roller coaster of emotions around here these days.

Moving Checklist

There is a whole mess of things to get done when you want to move out of state.  And no matter how extensive a list, you will always add to it.  Here's the beginning of mine.

1 - Tell the kids.  Ha!  That will be fun.

2 - Find a realtor.  Also an interesting endeavor.  I view realtors like I do mechanics; I'm sure most are honest and trustworthy, but I don't trust any of them.

3 - Get the house ready to sell.  Exhausting!

4 - Begin process of trying to sell the house.  Even more exhausting.

5 - Start looking for a new house.  Fun, but exhausting.

6 - Buy a new house.  Terrifying.

7 - Get everything organized to move.  A total nightmare.

8 - Move.  Relief to finally be to that point.

9 - Unpack.  Ugh.

Let the fun begin.

We're Moving!

My husband has received the official word from his boss and we are being moved to Wisconsin.  That's right, Wisconsin.  This former desert rat, turned Southerner is now going to learn to be a Northern snow enthusiast.  To be honest I always wanted to live where it snows.  Yuma, Az. (where I'm from) has an annual rain fall of about 1 inch and we usually get that in one rain.  My father still calls me to tell me if there were raindrops on his windshield when he woke up.  There are no seasons in Yuma.  It's hot and less hot.  Still it's my home and you can't beat that great big sky and the absolute most gorgeous sunsets you will ever see.

Moving to Tennessee was a huge change for us.  And now we're going North to a place that saw temperatures of -50F this winter.  Granted this was a very cold winter for everyone, but just the fact that it's possible makes me cry a little.  It will be great to be able to do some real sledding.  I've always wanted to take the kids down a big-ole hill.  We'll be virtually guaranteed a white Christmas.  However, we won't know anyone.  And as a SAHM, I won't have access to anyone for a while.  It will just be me and the kids trying to fit in and make friends while my husband is still traveling and meeting people at work.  I'll have no backup, no support system.  We don't have any family here and it took a while to meet people.  But we only had one kiddo then and I had a job.  Now it's just me and three kids.  Thank God for those kids too.  There's nothing like school and extracurricular activities to thrust you into social situations.

The target date for moving is July 1.  We'll see how that goes.

New Crazy Stuff

I added a new "Crazy" to the crazy page.  Check it out.  Still more to come.

The Screaming Baby

Have you ever been in a store and heard the screams of a child echoing throughout the entire building?  If you have, it's probably me and my youngest.  That girl has some lungs!  And if she doesn't want to be there, the whole store knows about it.  And rarely does she want to be there.  My two oldest almost never acted up in a store.  The few times they did, we were able to whisk them out.  I don't always have that luxury anymore.  When I wasn't 'that' mom, I used to think things like, "Why doesn't she take that kid out of here?" or "Doesn't that bother the parents?".  Now that I have first-hand experience I can tell you the answers are, "It's complicated," and "Yes!".

I'll start with the second question.  Of course it bothers me.  I hate taking my screaming child through a store.  It annoys me and I'm sure it annoys others.  It used to embarrass me, but I've learned to ignore it and get done what I came to do.

The answer to the first question gets a bit more complicated.  Our youngest has something of a temper and if she doesn't get her way, she screams.  We've worked on it.  We've done time out, tried to ignore it and when possible removed her from the situation.  We almost never eat out because we don't know what she'll do.  The problem comes when it is just me.  I don't go to stores to shop for fun.  There's no loafing around or window shopping.  I go to get what I need and get out.  I know I should take her out when she starts up, but we have to eat.  My husband travels a lot, so I often go to the store with one or all of my kids.

At one point my son had strep throat when my husband was out of town.  I had to take both him and the baby to the doctor's office.  I was prepared with games and snacks and she did pretty well.  When it was time to go the to store to get his medicine, however, she was done and wanted to go home.  She wailed the entire time we were in Target.  My son was half asleep in the big section of the cart, looking pitiful, while she was screaming like a banshee in the front seat of the cart.  I looked like a terrible mom; dragging my obviously ill son through a store while my  toddler's cries echo through the store.  But my son needed his medicine.  I wasn't going to wait, so my only option was to take them into the store.

People stared at me as if to say, "Do something.  Why aren't you trying to make the kid happy?"  I don't try to make her happy because I can't.  Nothing short of getting her home can make that child happy, so I don't try.  I keep my head up and ignore the ear piercing noise as best I can.  I have no idea how to stop this behavior.  I'm hoping that as she gets older, I'll be able to reason with her better and she'll understand that there are consequences for her actions.  Right now, she's too young to understand.  Just another thing I have to look forward to.

Still Working Toward Equality

Growing up I learned, as many of us do, about the hardships of different groups in history.  We spent hours studying slavery, the holocaust and communism.  But the suffragist movement got a paragraph or two.  At least we learned that women did get the vote.  For some reason the struggles that women faced and continue to face aren't worth much discussion in the class room.

A few weeks ago my daughter asked me who the first female President was.  I was sad to tell her that there hasn't been one, but was proud to hear her emphatic, "Why not?".  I couldn't really answer that.  I've heard many opinions.  The most upsetting was that there hadn't been a 'serious' female candidate.  I hope the commentator meant a female who did not have enough clout and popularity to make a 'serious' run for the Presidency and not that any of the women who have run weren't good enough.  One could argue that Barack Obama was not a 'serious' contender in 2008 because of his lack of experience, but he was elected.  Countries like Brazil, Denmark, Kosovo, Pakistan and South Korea have had female leaders, so why not the US?

When I was younger I was naive enough to think that sexism was dead in the US.  I believed that other than a few in the "older" generation, women were treated equal to men.  The older I've gotten the more I see it's not true.  Living in The South has further opened my eyes.  I will accept an old man (we're talking 75 and up) calling me sweetie or little lady, but anyone my dad's age or younger will get a full blown Arizona tongue lashing.  It happened to me at dealership service center and I got right back in my car and left.  When my husband and I went to buy me a car, I did all the talking, was in charge of all the money and they still put the car in HIS name.  HIS name.. not mine.  At the time, I was working and could by the car on my own.  It was obviously for me and yet they put it in the man's name.  Where I'm from they would have put it in my name and then maybe asked if I wanted my husband's.  It even happened with our lender for our home mortgage.  My name is on that, but the first line includes my husband's name and I am referred to as wife.  That's right.  I don't have a name, I am 'wife'.  

I think women have made a strong case to be treated equally.  It is hard to believe women are still considered, by some, to be fragile, docile and needy.  There are women astronauts, firemen, policemen, congresswomen, plumbers and contractors.

Of course we don't do ourselves any favors by posing nude in magazines and doing reality shows where we are portrayed as self-absorbed, superficial and materialistic.  What we seem to miss is the strong, smart role models.  I know those women exist; we don't give them the same attention.  I guess they aren't interesting.  If women are strong and smart, they are seen as mean or bitchy.  

When I worked as a researcher there were many female scientists.  The majority were graduate students and post docs, with few female professors.  The majority (>75%) of principle investigators were men.  The few female PIs were generally regarded as mean, tough and difficult to work with.  I worked with many of them and did not find any of the female PIs to be more demanding than the men.  I think people take criticism from a woman more personally than they do a man and therefore view a female authority figure as bitchy.  When in fact, they are just doing their job.

This year, more women received doctorates than men for the first time in history.  And yet, this was the first Winter Olympics with women's ski jumping.  Apparently it was not believed women could provide Olympic level competition!!  Seriously!  It's a scary event, but it's sliding down a long slide on skis and landing safely.  Women can do that.

Now, I'm not a feminist.  My husband is the head of our home.  I love a statement by Candace Cameron-Bure where she explained the success in her marriage was due to submitting to her husband.  Now, she in no way meant that her husband was her boss and said that it's difficult to make any relationship work with two strong leaders.  She's absolutely right.  I once worked at a retail store where two managers were battling for supremacy.  All that resulted was confused cashiers and a messy store.  When both the husband and wife try to be the leader, the result tends to be a lot of fighting.  That does not mean the husband should be a dictator.  A good leader listens to people and considers their thoughts and feelings.

The truth is we won't truly be equal until we get to a place where a woman CEO is no longer introduced as a woman, but just as the CEO.  

I'm So Boring!

I'm busy all day, but do nothing interesting.  There's nothing fun in my life.  I clean, cook and play with the kids.  That's it.  It's not that I want to go back to work.  I just want to be interesting.  Diapers, tantrums and homework issues don't even entertain me and it's my life!

People ask me, "What's new?".  My answer.... "nothing."  Every once in a while I've got a new sick kid saga to share, but that's it.  I have nothing going on.  I try to keep the kids healthy and where they need to be.  Keeps me busy, but not very exciting.  

I don't want extra drama or catastrophes, but SOMETHING interesting, like painting my house.  I would love to get some rooms painted.  It's been so cold we don't do anything outside.  I haven't even been out doing yard work.  I have shied away from putting our youngest in a Mom's Day Out program because I feel silly putting my child in a "daycare" situation just so I can do something.  I know that's why they are there and I'm starting to think I may need to take advantage of it.  While I have all day to do whatever, I'm still very limited.  It has to be appropriate for a 2 year old and not happen during the all important nap hours.

My husband travels so much that it's very difficult to join groups.  I can't plan anything until I am 100% sure he'll be in town.  Sometimes that's not until the week of.  I never know when I'm going to need a babysitter.  Even when I do get a babysitter, it can be difficult to get out.  For example, I recently had a dinner planned with some friends from my old work.  I had a sitter lined up and then.... the kids got sick!  Not crazy sick, but they had croup.  Thankfully, my friend was going to watch the kids for me and she agreed to watch the kids anyway.  That's very rare.  She is also a SAHM with three kids and was willing to stay with my sickly kids at the risk of infecting her own, so I could have a night out.  Now that's a friend!

I have a few ideas to get myself out of this rut.  I'm thinking of joining a mommy and me gymnastics class.  It could be fun for both of us.  Also, I have fallen behind on the toddler's baby book, so I think I'm going to try to work on that.  Although the idea of getting out glue, tape, scissors, paper, etc to be able to work on it for about 15 minutes before I have to put it all away does not sound fun.  At least it's an activity!

I have got to get out more!

Grieving the Dream

In a few months I am going to turn 35.  That is such a grown up number.  There's no denying it; I am a grown up.  I have three kids, a mortgage and am approaching middle age (35x2=70).  I know that's a ridiculous thing to say, but that's how I feel.  I am normally a very optimistic person, but right now instead of feeling my life is half started, I feel it's half over.  I feel too old to achieve any of the dreams I have left from my younger years.  

My dreams of being a rock star died at age 10 when I realized you had to be able to sing.  I knew I wasn't going to be a tennis pro when I was 16 and discovered that professional players began playing when they were 6.  My dream of being a medical doctor died when I saw the MCAT (That was just pure laziness.  It's a 5.5 hour test!  Who wants to do that?!).

When those dreams faded away, I wasn't hurt.  I didn't really want to do any those things.  They would have been fun adventures.  That's what I want; the adventure.  Doing something different and rare sounds wonderful.

Now "adventure" seems like nothing but an adolescent fantasy.  I stay home with three kids.  That's what I do.  I can't have crazy, spontaneous adventures because babysitters are expensive and almost impossible to get last minute.  It's difficult to have hobbies when I'm interrupted every 5 minutes.  I know the kids will eventually grow up and I'll get some freedom back, but then I'll be too old.  Again, I know that's a ridiculous thing to say, but it's how I FEEL.  It's over.  The days when a fantasy could possibly come true are gone.

Even though I know it's ludicrous, the idea that there is no chance for me to experience anything fun and crazy anymore is very depressing.  I can't shake it.  I try to focus on the dreams that have come true.  More than anything I wanted to have a loving marriage and beautiful children.  That has happened.  And I wouldn't trade them for anything.

But is it really too much to ask for the CIA to need my help tracking a deadly virus that only I have the ability to stop?  Or that I end up doing a segment on "The Chew" because my food is so amazing everyone wants to know how I do it.  I mean really.  It's not going to happen, but it would be so COOL!

Imagination Overload

Like most kids, my children have active fantasy lives.  They pretend ALL the time.  Sometimes it is really sweet, sometimes a little quirky and sometimes down right silly.  

Our oldest loves to play house, school and library.  She also likes to pretend to work.  She's always writing in notebooks or on scratch pieces of paper and always looks busy.  Every once in a while I take a peek in those notebooks and find all kinds of things.  Beautiful pictures of fairies and ponies, cute little poems or her thoughts.  Occasionally I find some useful information like, "I like Collin," or "I hope Santa brings me a bike."  But sometimes I find other things, like a drawing of her brother where he has been crossed out and "No Boys Allowed" is written beneath it.  Those notebooks are very eye opening.

Our littlest loves to play with her baby doll.  She takes that thing everywhere and loves to take her around the house for walks in the baby stroller.  The other night I was checking on her before going to bed and to my surprise she wasn't asleep.  Instead, I watched as she pretended to change her baby's diaper, gave her a kiss and tucked her into bed.  So sweet, I smile just thinking about it.  And then I noticed that she took the changing pad off her changing table, which is about 2 feet from her crib, and put it in her crib to use for her baby.  I still have not figured out how she managed to do that... hmmmm.

My son and I were playing with his cars in his room the other day and he started telling me all their "super powers".  He is borderline obsessed with super heroes these days, but not with specific heroes, more like specific powers.  Lightning McQueen had super speed, second Lightning McQueen had super strength, and Francesco Berrrrrrnoulli had the best power of all.  He had the power of super poop!  That's right super poop.  He could poop on anything to stop it, squash it, or move it.

A child's imagination is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're going to get.

The Importance of Feeling Important

Yesterday, I was having a rough day.  I was feeling left out of church, left out of friend's lives and just plain left out of life.  I wasn't feeling important.  I know I'm needed at home, but I don't always feel needed.  My kids are too young to really appreciate what I do for them and what I've sacrificed to make our home life better.  Therefore, I don't feel overly important at home.  That used to be OK because I was important at work.  Man, it felt great to be needed; to have people running up to me asking for advise or help with a project.  I was important.

After talking all this over with my husband, I got to go to the grocery store by myself.  I love doing that.  I can actually look for better deals and use my coupons to their fullest value.  It's awesome.  It also gave me time to really think about my need to feel important.  I thought about people needing my help and being thanked for my help.  What I thought very little about was the actual helping part.  I enjoy that part.  I'm a "Martha".  If there's a task to be done, I'm your girl.  But what I finally realized is that I have plenty of that part at home with my family to keep me busy.  What my ego needed was people realizing they need me.  And when I thought of it that way,  I felt incredibly stupid and selfish.

As I was driving  home from the grocery store all I wanted to do was play with my kids.  I needed to make them feel important.  They are why I stay home and I want them to know I happily and without any regrets choose them over anything else.  Once I got the groceries put away, I joined my kids out on the trampoline.  It was so much fun!  I really have terrific, fun, outgoing kids.  And my husband and I are very lucky.

I must stress, however, that a woman who has had 3 children should NEVER, EVER, NEVER jump on a trampoline without leak guard protection!

Do They Believe Me

I sometimes wonder if people believe me.  I know I'm prone to exaggeration, but on the important things, I don't lie.  When my children ask me a question, (with the exception of SC, EB, and TF questions of existence), I tell them the truth.  I learned a long, long time ago that there is no point in lying.  Some one ALWAYS finds out.  But what do you do when what really happened sounds like a lie?

When my oldest was 2 she was hit in the head by a flying toy truck at daycare.  The toy truck was thrown by a boy sitting about 3 feet from her and was thrown with enough force that she immediately had a bump the size of a half dollar (no exaggeration, I have pictures) which was quickly accompanied by a bruise.  Later that night she exhibited some strange behavior, so naturally we ran our first born daughter to the ER.  I think we spent more time defending what happened then she did being checked out.  Five hours later she was fine and the staff was satisfied that we did not neglect or beat our daughter.

Today, I took my son to school after a long winter absence made longer by RIDICULOUSLY cold weather.  You can imagine that I was not thrilled to be dropping of a boy with a black eye. 

It's not super bad, but it's definitely a black eye and it's moved to that lovely green and yellow phase.  His teacher noticed it immediately and asked how it happened and I had to tell her.  The truth is, his 20 month old sister head butted him.  She gave me that polite, "Sure, that's what happened look", (at least that's what I thought she was thinking), and went back to getting everyone ready to learn.

Post-SAHM Depression

I believe there is a depression, similar to postpartum depression that happens to new SAHMS.  I always thought it was strange that in the days before my son was born I was extra emotional and couldn't let go of our daughter.  I would just grab her up, give her a big hug and cry a little.  Turns out, I was grieving the loss of our life as we knew it.  We spent nearly four years with just the three of us and it was about to change forever.  That life, a life I had loved and grown very comfortable in, was going to be gone as soon as my son was born.  The same thing happened right before our youngest was born.  That grief was completely gone however, as soon as the babies arrived and I was elated to finally meet them.

The grief I felt after losing my job, however, still lingers.  It's not terrible and only creeps up every once in a while, like when a friend gets a promotion, my husband publishes a book chapter or a journal article in a crazy awesome journal, or when my children say my husband must be smarter than me because he works and I, to quote my oldest, " just, you know."  For the record, my husband is smarter than me, but that's not the point.  I left a life where I felt large and in charge to start a life where I often feel like the servant.

Some friends of mine have recently become SAHMs and are experiencing emotions similar to the ones I felt almost 2 years ago.  There truly is a grieving process that happens when your life is completely changed, even if you choose that change.  The problem I found is that it could easily slip into a depression; especially if the change is not necessarily your choice.  I had a hard time pulling myself out of my own little pity party.  The world just doesn't put much stock in a woman staying home.  There are some who would say a SAHM is wasting her potential by not working.  Almost 2 years into this gig and I can tell you that's total hogwash.

I am becoming a much better version of myself.  I have become more patient, more caring and have found the value in just sitting with my children and really talking to them.  All of that has made us a much better and closer family.  I don't know that I would have found that if I was still working.  There would be too much to do.  I don't want to fit my children into my life, I want them to be my life.

It's hard adjusting to being a SAHM after being in the workplace.  The opinions of others and your opinion of yourself can really affect how you feel; a lot of times for the worse.  It's important to remember why you became a SAHM in the first place so when you're watching your 20 month old hit her older brother in the head with a plastic phone, you can smile through the screams and the tears and be proud that you are doing what is right for you and your family.